You Can’t Make This Up! Sister Updates

“Caregiving never ends. No, it never stops.” - Natalie and JJ 

Caregiving is a journey—full of love, lessons, and let’s be honest, a few laughs along the way. In this candid conversation, we dive into the realities of caregiving: navigating skilled nursing facilities, managing emotional and financial stress, and finding strength in community. We’re also sharing what’s in store for 2025 and beyond. Too good to miss!

💡 This episode is a reminder that you’re not alone—and that support, humor, and honest conversations make all the difference.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Caregiving is tough—but also deeply rewarding.
• Teamwork and community support are everything.
• Humor helps lighten the load.
• Advocacy matters—so do financial tools like qualified income trusts.
• Self-care isn’t optional.
• Your story matters—let’s share it.

THANK YOU to Sponsor: CareScout

#Caregiving #CaregiverSupport #AgingParents #SkilledNursing #ElderCare #FamilyCaregivers #HealthcareAdvocacy #SelfCare #QualifiedIncomeTrust #HumorHeals

Transcript

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Hey guys, it's your favorite sisters with the confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast. On the show, you'll hear caregivers confessing the good, the bad, and the completely unexpected. You're guaranteed to relate, be inspired, leave with helpful tips and resources, and of course, laugh. Now, let's jump right in to today's guest confession. Hey, Jay. Hey, hey, Natalie. You know what? This is so cool. Like for, you know, for those of you who are listening, you're going to be listening to another podcast and you're like, what are those girls doing? What are the sisters doing? And we are actually in the brand new studio at the PBS Appalachia, Virginia in the Hard Rock, Bristol. You know, I could die. I could die and one of the big things is we really want you to watch this on YouTube because Natalie and I actually have on. have real clothes. have real pants. we have. If you were to see us, we are not in our pajamas, which is I think really impressive. don't have headphones on so our hair doesn't look crazy. I always like to say when I pull my hair back I've got prison hair. uh And our producer, he is so excited because he knows we've got to hold it together. If you are ever in Bristol, Tennessee, and we are recording, they have... Oh my gosh, it is Bristol, Virginia. ah We would say that these people have gone crazy because they are actually allowing us to broadcast into the hard rock. Hey everybody, like now we're waving at people. people! He's so sweet, that guy just waved. He's got a fan club on. No, it's... There's one guy and there's another guy coming down the escalator. person. Yeah. We're just waving. He has no clue. on air. Yeah, he can hear us. Okay. yeah, we've a limited time. We're settling down. Okay. So today, and this is why we don't have a guest. We are the guest. Hey, welcome. We've got Natalie Elliott-Hangandy with us today. And JJ Elliott-Hill, who happens to be a touch older than Ms. Moving on. So we. It is and we have got a lot to share in a limited time. We got to get busy. We're so busy for us. You guys are. They are and we rattle our paper and since we're in this fancy studio, we're going to use our notes. Have you turned your airplane mode on? uh If it rings, you're in big trouble. Okay. So guys get ready because we're going to do. 45 minutes and we're gonna tell you about three months of the hot mess that we are. my gosh and so many things you know so many things have happening but we actually haven't recorded though we actually started the last time we recorded was in November and that was before and we had to record in November because someone took a vacation and I don't mean like a small vacation. So my husband and I love to vacation and we this time now we're doing it like one time a year and so we found this awesome deal on this site called vacations to go you can be our sponsor a last-minute decision and we actually went on a 30 day 30 day Norwegian cruise and I know there are best and it was amazing but guys I have to tell you I was I was worried about leaving our house and our pets and everything. Y'all, I was nervous about leaving mom because I was leaving her and Natalie and Emily's hands. Natalie, how did it go, Well, the good news is is mom is still alive. Mom is still alive. We felt really good about that. And Emily and I were in charge. Now here's the reality. Although you are the primary preferred, we're making that term popular. JJ is the primary preferred caregiver for mom because mom calls her all the time and I'm okay with that. I always like to joke that I'm the fourth favorite out of three daughters. Yeah. And so there's not a fourth, there's not another person. everybody else. And that's totally fine. But Emily took care of mom forever. so Emily really was in charge as well. And Emily lives close by. So Emily's not, she is technically our, as far as you think about caregivers, there's long distance, there's close by, there's live with. And Emily both lived with mom and thank God they didn't kill each other. And she also lives close by and checks in on mom. then we also have a lot of other family members that help. Cause it is a team. event it is team Connie because team Connie is we need to it takes the village and the village next door. Yeah, and so so the good news is is that mom uh mom didn't get hurt mom didn't fall mom we didn't get any incident reports of and and and everybody seemed OK and you got to take a vacation. Yes, I transferred all calls. I want to thank the facility and I want to thank some very important people. So we have a we always talk about team and I want to thank CVS as part of our team. They did not ask for this kudos. No, but they uh I transferred all of our our reminders for moms medication her do opa and Natalie I know they contacted you and Emily. I would just like to let everybody know how they contact me. And people are like, CVS calls you and the way that it works is that mom has a very critical medication. knows mom has a duopa pump and that duopa pump comes from CVS specialty. That's the benefit that she has. And so the way that it works is they actually are on our team and they are proactively reaching out to us and they say, they text us, they email us and they call us. a couple of days, a handful of days, is that they have a window of time that they contact you to make sure that they get the next month medication out. And so I don't have to think or do anything. And so this is one of the things that we love. If you don't know if you have this benefit, you need to check it out, ask your employer, look at your Medicare or Medicaid plan if you have either of those. And again, we're not getting paid for this. This is how much we love specialty pharmacy because this is not going down to the local pharmacy, my retail store, which all my besties are at. This is not over the counter. And so this really is a concierge level of service. And so they made sure that we could focus on mom and they took care of everything. And so medicine was not a problem. oh you know, I'm really excited. So I do want to say just so you will know if you had not responded to after the day after they actually do a wellness check. So I just want to let you know that thanks to be asked you did not have to do the wellness check. So we had some anniversaries as well. Yes, we're hearing so up first anniversary that we celebrated first quarter 2025. was it? Our first annivers we were celebrating. We And so we really want to thank all of our listeners, our viewers, those of you who follow us on social media. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Because honestly, without your support, we're now over 300,000 downloads and streams a month. We partner with lots of people. We're on UK Health Radio. We love our friends at UK Health Radio. And that really gets us. in 54 countries and now we're in the top 5 % of all podcasts globally. And of course, our friends here at PBS who are making us look good, sound good and Well, they can't control the content. trying to be good. Well, I'm not sure about the look good, but they were hoping that they do so I need to get done about the level. back that would be great and do something with the ring. Andy if you could just like do that that this is why you watch it on YouTube because we're sitting here like pulling our ring. said he had some medical tape back there, so I'm hoping that you him up. We're getting some for tomorrow. That was our birthday. We celebrated and you it's a huge milestone and the reality is when we started we never we didn't know if anybody would listen. So I, this is, and you guys know Kleenex, if you'd like to be a sponsor, I actually get really, I get tearful thinking about it because I think about it and I think about the purpose, the mission driven. That's right. And I think about, I think about mom and I think about our family, but I think about how proud that dad would be of us now. So there you go. There's my, hey Kleenex. Look at you getting all Kleenexed. UBS has got to get us. I'm an Eminem. I'm a hard candy otter show. Yeah, I can. I'm really like, you I always feel that responsibility. Absolutely. Take care of mom, dad. I know that he'll be really proud that we're like spreading the message. Like this is how hard it is. And you know, saying continuously, girls, is dad's message to me from heaven. Be patient with your mother. Be patient. I swear to you, does take a village for Team Connie. And JJ, and I will say this, guys, JJ has the most, when I say she's the primary preferred, Mom really calls you all the time. And Emily and I, and when I say all the time, it really is all the time. And then of course we have our Aunt Jane. We give a shout out to our Aunt Jane. We have the three J's. WWJ uh WWJD we always joke about what would Jesus do? What would Joel do like Joel Osteen and what would our Aunt Jane do? And so we've talked about the WWJD before but the reality is is that you deserve to have a break in December. Thank you. And even though I was super jealous and in on the inside a little mad like wish I could take a vacation. We are we are planning a huge cruise for caregivers and actually for everybody coming up this October. That's a That's something you'll see on the social media. we've got, we actually had, was really cool. This is one of our things. I know I'm jumping off script because that's what we do. But we had um the president of NCL do a live with us, which don't ask me. Thank you, David Herrera. We love you. And the fact that you had a live on Facebook with us is a level of trust and love that we just can't take enough. oh Yeah, but he did, you know, he did. I just want to this out. He also picked his favorite sister. Which was both of us. Which is like, can I just bet? He compared us to brownies and ice cream. just, want to be, I want to be the brownie. you can be the brownie, I'll be the ice cream. Yeah. because you like, well, no, I should be the ice cream because I melt. Yeah, I melt. Thank you, David. And thank you. Yeah, so guys, we'd love for you to join us on the Self Care at Sea Cruise. And we've also got some other folks that are with us. Christina Keys, Elizabeth Miller, we've got Carrie Alberts, we have Cindy and Christina. Harden Wok. Yeah, and we have our newest. Didier Air, we love you. And she's with uh Brain Charge. And so guys go to, I'm totally promoting this because I think it's so important. You have to care for yourself. And so go to funcees.com forward slash self dash care and join us. We've got people that have signed up for the cruise. We're gonna have a ton of fun. It's October 19th through the 26th. So that's one of our big things we're doing this year. And because self care and wellness is critical for caregivers. And that's why we just thought we're like, Why not? Why not have fun? And seriously, jump on the self care Facebook, uh self care at sea Facebook group. Yeah. And the reason is even if you can't, you're like, I can't go on a cruise. Okay. Hey, we all, we understand like it's expensive or you can't get away for those days. We've had people from Care Scout. We've had a couple of different people come online with us and say, Hey, you know what? You may not be able to get away for seven days. Here are some steps. Here are some places that you can either. find money, because you have to have money to be able to get away for four hours. We don't want to be tone deaf about this. Like, not everybody has resource. So how do you do that? Right. So programs, you find financial resources, but how to also find the right people to care for your loved one. Sometimes that's a little difficult. I know mom has, she fired many people. She fired Emily a couple times. a couple of times as her caregiver. We're like, try, she's living with you. anyway, so there is there is, know, some there's okay, we got okay, I got to get back to my phone. We only got 45 minutes. So okay, so you know, what was that? oh that was a that has been a no. So that was a kickoff. April one. That was a big announcement. That is So we started the year with another big sponsor, which is Care Forward. Yeah, we love Care Which is an amazing organization. But we are kicking off second quarter. kind of announced. This is like end of first But this is, yeah, we started first quarter with a new sponsor, Care Scout, which is a resource, a free resource for everyone that you can take advantage of. People can set it. should, you should. Yeah. So Care Scout works with uh long-term care policyholders. They've got contracts with uh all kinds of folks. you would want, this is a resource that if you have a long-term care policy, they can help you navigate that process to find home health. And they're also going to be expanding that. And so that's why we're working with them. I think it's really important that you have a diversified strategy for caregiving for your loved one and equally important, I don't wanna say even more important, for yourself. Right. And they, think one of the big things is ah they want to educate and make aging in place. I think the biggest part is they want to educate and make aging in place easier for everyone and for both the caregiver and the person that needs care. And I think that's one of, you know, in the announcement, that's one of the big things we said is they're there for education and they're there to make it easier. They want to help. I love how You know what, and again, we've talked about team in the past. And so when you think about your team, a team is, uh and for like, we talk about Team Connie. Team Connie is comprised of family, friends, but also non-traditional people. That's why we mentioned CBS Specialty is a part of our team. um I think uh you could have all kinds, your practitioners, the healthcare practitioners. But one of my favorite parts of Team Jason, is actually our mailman Marvin. And Marvin, we love you. I just want you to know one of the kindest things that Marvin does, because Jason is home a lot. Jason doesn't work because he's not able to. And so Jason doesn't, I worry about him because he doesn't get out to see other people. And I think this is a super, this is a caregiver issue in my, for people who don't get out a ton. oh So it's isolation and it's not only isolation for the caregiver, but also isolation for the person that you're caring for. And I always say to him, you have got to talk to someone other than me and the dogs. uh And so I will say this, Marvin is one of our people um as our mailman, because he comes to the door, he always comes and he checks in on Jason. He talks about Winston and Daisy, our Beagle and our Bulldog. um those are, so we're always gonna encourage you to think about. Who's on your team and really when you go a little bit more granular, who are the people that support you to support your loved one or who are the people who support your loved one which gives you a break? And that's not a bad thing. Like allow for people to help you, that has always been the standard message for us. So we're going to take a break. I'm going to announce it this time. Oh, but I'm going to announce it. So I'm going to announce it and then when we come back, I'm going to go ahead and give you advance warning. Go get go pee and get ready for this because we are going to talk about our first anniversary in the skilled nursing home facility and moms true year there. I don't I wouldn't say celebration now. We're gonna take a break. We're gonna come back and talk about that. Hey, so we're back. We're in our quarter. We're in our first quarter 2025 update and we were we were just talking about team. We were talking and who's on your team talking about um we celebrate our second birthday. We're here with Cookie Monster, which makes me hungry because we're here in the amazing state of the art studio here at PBS Appalachia in the hard rock. Crystal, Virginia. Bristol, Virginia. Even though we're from Tennessee, you can cross over the state line. We could walk a mile and get some exercise and go visit Tennessee. Let's do that. Okay. So we were talking about, you were saying, hey, we're also celebrating another anniversary this year, which is mom has, we transitioned mom a year ago to a skilled nursing facility. And we wanted to talk about what it's been like. And I know we talked on some of our quarterly updates about some of the things that have been going on and we'll do the same thing. but I can't believe a year has another year has passed. And I think, I don't think we knew what we, we did not know what to expect. So mom was in assisted living facilities, which is not the same. She was in three and they did not work out. And that was also during the pandemic. So there was a couple of challenges both on our side or on mom's on the facility side. And so I don't want say it was a failure, but it just didn't turn out the way we thought. It was, and it also, I think we watched Mom, she just did not adjust well to it. telling you it's the pandemic. mean, I'm going into an assisted living. I'm going in straight into a skilled, into a senior living community. That's the really bougie way to say it, senior living community. I mean, Jason's, Jason's 58 and I had said to him when he turned 55, I'm like, please, let's move straight in. I got three hots and I caught, I got my hair done. They got games and snacks. You can get that in jail. It's just nice. You get like fancy clothes there too. could get a- Stewart, need to calm down. So here's the thing. um So going from assisted living, which is not covered by your insurance typically. So let's talk a little bit. I'm not going to talk about finance, like that's a money thing. um And so you have to plan for that. So you got to be planful all the time with caregiving for yourself and your loved ones and supporting those folks to make those good decisions. But assisted living is just a different level. so mom went into skilled nursing because moms had Parkinson's now for over, she was early onset at 48, she was diagnosed at 52. And so moms had Parkinson's now well over 22, really almost, I mean. She's had over 23 years. Yeah. And so I think we did not expect what we got from the skilled nursing facility because there's a lot of assumptions and you know, there's great facilities and there are not so great facilities that always have opportunities for improvement. um But here's the reality is it's not going to be what you would do. Is what I'm going to say. You know, the one thing I'm going to say is there are, we went into this skilled nursing facility because living at home with Emily staying at home and being the caregiver did not work for us. It lasted seven months. We're always authentic about it. Yeah, Emily, she had a real struggle with it because she felt like she failed. She did not fail in our eyes. It was so hard. And for any caregiver, was just no support. Natalie and I lived further away than was possible for us to be there constantly. And that really opened our eyes to look at somebody that is 24-7. She couldn't work because there was no support there for her. We couldn't get the consistent people to pay, paid care, paid care that was a part of mom's benefit. We could not get consistency there and that's a frustrating point for caregivers who are trying to navigate with their team. Right. And so when we put mom into skilled nursing, think that was a, that is, I know it was a great. want to qualify that we didn't technically put her in there. It was a family decision that we agree to. And I want to say that because I'm like we did not put our mom away to pass. Yeah. It was and what I was gonna say is it was a family decision. Yeah, we talked, you know, we talked with mom about it. She knew that it was it was really the best decision for her health for it was an overall the best decision really for our family and that's that's what I say. It was there's a lot of things that I think people look at when they put a family member they place they work with the family uh to place that loved one. It's a hard decision. First of all, there's a lot of judgment first of all out there by others and I know, I can't believe you put your mom in a nursing home. And I think that's one of the hardest things that one of the hardest in this past year. One of the hardest things that I've overcome though, is that you have a lot of people that look at you and it can be family members. can be people that you know or that know your mom, I know my mom and they look at you and they, know that they're doing a little bit of judgment. And for anybody out there listening, you you have to set that aside. They don't know your situation. And I give kudos, first of all, because it's a hard decision. It was a hard decision to do. wants to actually have to, nobody wants to have to go into skilled nursing. The goal across the board is to age in place. But there are times when it's actually not great for you to be in the home setting if you don't have the support and the wraparound that you need, that you don't have the team to be able to support you because mom was very isolated. Mom did not have as many visitors because again, there's only so much time. And so that's why I thought assisted living was going to be a great option because mom had the opportunity to see lots of people. There were games, they did field trips. And again, I literally, she, she went into her first assisted living facility. uh It was 2019, but when she transitioned back into the community, into Tennessee, We were so excited because all our family's there. Mom was in our community and so everybody was going to be there and it was January of 2020. That felt great. now it wasn't a month and a half, two months later, everything shut down. And that was, the pandemic was the hardest for people who were in congregate settings. So I think in the year though, in addition to people are judging, I also think everyone needs to know that regardless of where your loved one is, if they are not in your home, regardless, caregiving never ends. No, it never stops. evolves. It's like this does is this constantly of evolution of care. I think that's what we're going to make that popular to the evolution of care. And so some people will say it's a slow burn. Some people will say it comes in and we've had a slow burn with mom and we've had Jason was an immediate like I said with him being diagnosed with cancer and it was just this. flurry of what you felt like constant crisis. Yeah, but I think it is it is evolved and so we didn't know what we were thinking we didn't know I didn't know what to expect. So my background is working Iran lock secure treatment facilities for children with behavioral issues and behavioral needs really um and children with intellectual disabilities and Iran that Iran did that for 7 years and so the reality is is that it is not the same. Yes, you have staffing. Yes, you've got meals and you've got to make sure everybody's cared for. But in and this is where our friend, Suzy Singer Carter talks about it. She has a documentary that's amazing. No Country for Old People about the fact that we as Americans do not take care of our elders well as we age. It just it's like this cliff like it's in. So if you don't have resource, I was talking to a friend of mine last night. They're spending an exorbitant amount of money. Her mom has Alzheimer's and they're spending an exorbitant amount of money on care, 20 hours a day of care, and she's in a medley care unit. Not everybody has that resource. And we talked about that last night about them being blessed that they did that. But the rest, and as she put it, and the .99 % of the rest of Americans, what do they do? And I'm like, well, they do the best they can. And so how do we do that? But for us, from a skilled nursing standpoint, it's not been what we thought. Yeah, you know, I look at it and I wish, I do wish that we could afford, you know, 20 hours of care a day for mom. Yeah. the fact is that I think regardless of the facility you go in, you know, there are Medicaid facilities and there are facilities that are, you know, $20,000 a month. I would love for mom to be in a $20,000 a month facility. I don't think it would be, there's not a significant amount of difference yet. It might have nicer wallpaper, might have nicer ceilings and furniture, but I think there's a lot of things that are similar. there's those concerns like, is my family member getting a bath? Is my family member, do they have clean linens? Are they eating? Has my mom dropped 50 pounds in seven months? And are they washing to see her nutrition? Is she falling too frequently? You know, those concerns are anywhere. And I think those are the things that if she had been in my care, I would have really been on that. Do think you'd have really been on that? Mom lose it. Like I would be like, Mom, you can eat ice cream every meal if you're going to keep your weight. I just don't even care. Well, guess I want to be like the thing is is and I said really sarcastically not because you wouldn't have tried, but there are so many people who try to care for their loved one and in their mind when they start and I think Emily was the same way we're going to do this and we're going to do that and we're going to go all these places we're going do this and then reality happens and then some days you're doing well to everybody got a shower everybody got their meds on time. You are a guilt-ridden person and the moment that you didn't do something that you felt like you was good enough for mom, you would have felt. I would have felt bad, I think, you know, looking at having to question, you know, I think about him and the care that she provided for mom. I know that mom's I know mom, you know, we know that mom at least, you know, she was agreeable. She would have at least brushed her teeth, you know, she would do it. And now she needs help. And, you know, I think about Sue Ryan and, know, she she always laughed and she said, you know, I'm not gonna, it's not gonna be the end of the world if Jack's teeth weren't brushed. It's not the fight. There are things that are really important that I'm gonna go after. Not every day, yeah, every day. I know that dental health is really important, but there are things, know, Ann would be like, okay, if mom gets a bath every, you know, if twice a week and we're really excited, just because she's agreeable with it, it got really hard. But the falls and things like that, they worry me when they're not addressed. And I think with that, you know, making sure that mom gets to, and this is the issue right now as a longer distance caregiver, the phone calls do come every day, I say every day, at least three times a week from the facility. This past week, has, uh she's had three falls. And you know, some of the phone calls I get are to me irrelevant. Can we order your mom a new wheelchair? Really? Did you call me for that? Because she's falling and her rollator no longer works. So that those are frustrating points for me. I'm like, why did you even call me that is an absolute yes, you should be thinking about that. I think that there should be you know if mom had had if she had lost 50 pounds in seven months. I know that I would again I would have laughed and said I don't care if you eat ice cream and Swiss rolls which is her like go um to. Order yeah, I think that that there are things there that I I would have addressed differently and I. I believe that in my heart I thought that going to a facility would have that would have been addressed more easily. And what we found out is there are staffing issues. And I understand that there are competency level issues and I understand that. Nowhere is perfect. Well, I think that's the thing. I think the bigger thing is um I thought that they would be more of a team. And so when it comes to um in a treatment facility, for example, we have treatment team. We are required to have the parents or the guardians a part of that. And they um we have not. had the consistency of mom's treatment planning the way that it's supposed to by regulation. And these are things that we advocate for. But I'm going to tell you, this has probably been the most frustrating part for me with the skilled nursing is there are things that I do not feel great about that are happening that I think are not compliant. um And that I think happens probably in every facility because no one is perfect. And as long as mom is safe, that's the most important thing. And that she's being cared for. But the weight thing is a big deal because there should be a registered dietician that's looking at that and what are we doing for that? And so I think this is not just a complaint to down the skilled nursing facility, but I think we thought it would be more of a team activity and there would be different kinds of collaboration as opposed to just simply reporting a fall, reporting this is what's going on. It's more of a, okay, now what are you gonna do about it? how you are getting paid to care for this human being. And this is what our taxpaying dollars. paying for. You know, and I think it's, and this is kind of our fight. You know, our goal is educate, relate, inspire and laugh, relate, educate, inspire and laugh. always turn my, I flip the words around all the time. It depends on. Well, I know it's, you know, it's relate, educate, inspire and laugh, but it gets me fired up because I think, you know, systematically there is, there are funds that should be coming in from the government. And I understand that it's not a political statement, but there are funds that should be coming in to support that. And And it just, I know that we are able to pay for a couple hours for Miss Kathy. Thank you, Miss Kathy. mean, yeah, Natalie and I right now, and it's not a lot. I mean, we pay $75 a week. we, you know, no Starbucks for you, sister. But that's what we pay, $75 a week for Miss Kathy to come in for four hours. And she makes sure that mom has her bath. that she's just double checking for us because we're so far away and she helps with different things. Sometimes they go for a ride because we're far away. And I worry about people that don't have advocates. And I think that's what sets us on fire is I'm like, what about, you know, what about the lady that was there in mom's room and she didn't have an advocate? And so I think. she didn't have a she didn't have family. Yeah, like there comes a point like we're so low age-ers. We don't I don't have children. JJ has stepchildren. But the reality is is that I want to make sure that I'm going to be cared for. So you're not only care thinking about the person you're caring for because you're caring for them. But I don't know who will care for me and Jason whoever passes first. I don't know that. And those are things that we tell you you have to think about now. before we keep going, we need to take another break. And we're gonna stay on track. We're going to stay on track because we've got some, you know, we've talked about mom a little bit. I want to pop in one more thing about qualified income trust for mom and finding the right person to tell you information really quickly after the break. And then we're going to get into some funny stuff. Okay, I'm ready. We'll be right back. All right, guys, we are right back. We've been talking about mom, Natalie and I have got about 15 minutes, even that, but we're gonna get into don't know why you're. Yeah, I know we're gonna. Well, we want to make sure because we don't we can't get off track or we get in trouble with Andy. OK, so we've talked about mom. I just want to make sure that we have fought for a lot. We fought a lot of battles with the state of Tennessee and uh getting mom on different programs. And I want to we. Finally, I contacted an elder attorney lawyer because mom has a qualified income trust. I talked with, I messaged Kathy Sikowski, who's an elder attorney, but she's in Pennsylvania. Laws are different in every state. And I want to encourage everyone, we're gonna do some education on this on our upcoming quarter because there's information out there that is good information. And the income trust that we had set up for mom, we had put... because of the state and what we have been told by an employee, we put money away that we were required to from her income from dad's pension. And we paid for a lot of stuff and it actually, what they told us was wrong. And so if you question, I want to challenge everybody, if you question something that someone has told you, find someone that is qualified. And I want to thank the firm, Franklin and I believe it's Franklin and Rice, but I want to call out Gwen there. because yesterday she changed the game for me. She's in Knoxville, she's an elder care attorney. And I just want to challenge everybody that finds someone that is competent, that'll keep you out of jail, but find somebody that is competent and feel free to question anything. So that's my thing. That's my lesson. That's a big- And we'll make sure that we've got information about qualified income trust because that is the way that, um know, the way our country works is for, you know, as you age and if you're gonna need care and you ultimately need skilled nursing, you spend down. And that's the worst. feels awful to say, I have to spend all my money before I can get care. And then you find out the care is not what you thought it was going to be because we paid all these taxes in and so forth. And so we'll make sure that we got information about a qualified income trust uh in the show notes so that folks will be able to know about it. So big things for us right now. First of all, want to say knowledge is power. Our knowledge is power uh more than ever. And I think going forward for us, I want to, you know what we talk about our mission. You laughed uh related, educate, inspire and laugh. I am now on fire to the mission driven. Are you On fire. Now I'm like dumpster fire. I am on a roller coaster with my hair on fire. I'm mission driven. That is what I've been inspired to do. Okay. And we got some funny stuff going on right now and we're going to. share it all! Let's talk about men. let's talk about mail. Well, you know, so I so as I get all of mom's mail because JJ can't figure out where she wants to live. so I get all of mom's mail. I'm in charge of that. And then I dutifully come over and say, you actually JJ, please look at your mom. Here's mom's stuff. Yes. Because I make sure we check and make sure that we've got um her health plan, uh any information from the government. And this is regardless of what country you live in, you definitely are getting mail. And so we got mail that we did not expect, which is really kind of funny. And that's why we wanted to talk about you got mail. bag and we would encourage anyone we really want is your responses for mailbag we're going to put this out on all of our social media we're going to ask people to start sending us funny mail that they receive from their no don't send your mail but send us yeah i'm sorry clarify we're going to put we're going to put the instructions what our request is because when you receive something funny about your loved one like if you're the caregiver and you get something in the mail and you're like this is ridiculous why did you send this to me yeah i just want you to say look what this is what i got and just crack yourself up because So what you handed me yesterday when I met you, thanks for bringing me the mail and not opening You've got mail. So Natalie brought me like six envelopes from an insurance provider, Mom no longer has, thank the Lord. And they wanted to let me know that Mom had denied claims of in excess each month of like$6,000. And I just wanted to let you know, was April 20, 2023, May of 2023, like all these months in 22. year old bills. Yeah, like, what are you thinking? Like, are you really sending us a bill? Like, and here's the thing, I mean, I work with the health plans. I'm like, you have one year, one, one year uh to submit claims. And so if it took you a whole full year after the full year that you maximize that families can't plan like that. Come on now, you know better than that. And so the part was they told me I owed them $6,000 for every one of those months. It was like we owed them $50,000. So two insurance company anonymous. I'm sorry, but you're not gonna get What the He doesn't have- Like where do you think you're gonna get this money from? And so I think this is something that's really hard is when you get mail, this comes back to timely billing. Timely billing people, timely billing. And so that's what we're gonna ask before. But yeah, we're gonna do something fun with mail. We are gonna. We really encourage you, if you wanna write in, we encourage you to send us information, send us your stories. We're gonna be doing all kinds of fun stuff on social media. That's gonna be coming up this year. Info at sisterhoodofcare.com. We definitely want you to, if you're interested in being a guest, for example, we get... All of our guests typically come through people that I have stalked on LinkedIn. do, mean, excuse me, I follow on LinkedIn. um also, but people reach out to us directly and say, I'd love to be a guest like Alfredo Bertello. yeah. He was our guest for this video. He did, wrote the book, Sven's Cycle, from a Reluctant Caregiver. I mean, the fact that he had reluctant caregiver in his title, I'm like, I'm sorry. That's who we are. And so, um like, and I didn't know Alfredo from, from Adam. And, and he was on and we loved it. And so I'm going to tell you right now. Fantastic. Fantastic. Yeah. Okay. What else? So, also if that Jim would stop sending mom invitation. She's not going to go to your gym. I'm looking at my notes too. Yeah, so I want to talk about best parts. So we got what was the best part of your quarter? an amazingly I am. What's one of the best parts for you? One best part for you. I actually think that we had a theme along with celebrating our birthdays and and you know mom losing her cell phone for the 400th time. You know and and them texting you to say hey we found this phone in the laundry and we don't know who it is. I want to thank Antonio. you. Laundry service for Moscow nurse. This is the fourth time mom has sent her her cell phone off to there. um I think uh this quarter has also been a quarter of advocacy for us. Yes, JJ and I were privileged to partner with CVS health and um we went for National Caregiver Day. Yes, we had the opportunity to present information. and speak to the needs of caregivers. And when an advocate needed an advocate, sharing our story about how specialty pharmacy really supported us when Medicare thought mom was dead and uh they uh basically closed her Medicare coverage because of a clerical error from mom's or dad's pension company. And so we got to speak to hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people about this is who caregivers are. There's now... for the most recent RAND study, 105 million unpaid caregivers in the United States alone. And this is what we need and this is what we need from you businesses. This is what we need from you government. This is what we need. See us because we represent a significant portion of the United States. And by 2030, there will be more people over the age of 65 than there will be under the age of 18. And there is just not enough care paid care to be able to do it so just to all of my my caregivers family caregivers, especially I see you I thank you. We are you and because you're critical to keeping our health care system from collapsing on top of itself. Yeah. Highlight for me, we were, again, were uh offered the opportunity by CVS. They said, hey, you got more stuff to share. They allowed us to be in front of about 800 HR professionals. Yeah. Share our stories. say, first of all, we shared our story. And then they allowed us to tell them, as an employer, you need to be a resource and not a roadblock. We are caregivers. We work. And this is what you need to give us. Another challenge we're gonna put out on our social media is does your company offer caregiver benefit? I told you. Tell us about them. We want to recognize good employers, but we also want to tell your employers you are not doing your job. You can keep us if you'll give us good benefits. We're going to ask you what you need. so you guys, got to follow us on all the social media because we're going to start shouting from the rooftops. The caregivers need more and we're going to tell you what it is you need to get on the ball. So. That's another one. And really specifically, what are the benefits that you need? What are the benefits that you need? And we want to make sure that that's covered. So advocacy is one of the big components that we do, and we're really excited about that. And so this is just the start. We also have some things coming up because our time's running down as always. there were so many things we want to talk about. That's OK, though. We'll keep pushing this out. um We've got a lot of stuff. We've got a be on the lookout in May. We've got training that we're going to focus on for Memorial Day. um I'm partnering with again, Dr. Guy Mittal uh from Forge Health. He's an amazing psychiatrist and a bestie. We're going to be talking about, we're going to extend the Caregivers Playbook and talk to our military, um actually our active duty and veteran caregivers and those individuals. who are supporting our military connected folks. That's gonna be important. We have Heroes Caring for Heroes coming up this year. We are super excited about that. I am lining up the guests right now. And so if you are someone who, if you are care for a veteran or someone who is active duty, if you're a caregiver for military and you're interested in being on the Heroes Caring for Heroes series, please reach out info at sisterhood.ca excuse me info at sisterhoodofcare.com do that for sure. We got two more things we're gonna tell you about. what's coming up? Some fun stuff coming up. Next year, we're gonna do a really special contest is what I call it. Well, this is gonna be podcasts that we have planned. However, it is going to occur this year, the buildup for it. Ooh, buildup. Ed, so are you an inspirational caregiver? How much can you inspire? Is your story like, dude, you are not gonna believe this, because you know that's our goal. I am all about. through it. I've been in the muck and I want to share my story because I want to help other people. I want to advocate. I want to tell people what I know. We want your story and those folks we're going to bring here in studio. Oh, we're going to bring you in. going bring you in. We're going to bring you in studio. um We want to come and see us for a couple days at the Hard Rock. We're going to do some crazy stuff. So stay tuned for more info on that. but this is one of my favorites. You're gonna start a weird program. is the most excited. I know this is my idea because you can tell the other idea was JJ's. My idea and we've been working on this for over a year. Yes, we are looking to have again another contest and it it really is the Golden Dumpster Awards and then we always talked about caregiving can feel like a dumpster fire and and there's nothing better than waving at other people in their dumpster and you're like this is just crazy. I can't even make this up, but I'm going to wave at you because you're in yours. And the reality is, and this what I talked to my friend about last night, your experience as a caregiver is, I'm not going to say, well, yours is different than mine. Yours is harder. So mine doesn't matter. The reality is, is that everybody's experience in care is your experience. And it is no less important than someone else's who may be dealing with cancer, who may be caring for someone. It's just a different experience. But I'm going to tell you, We have some of the funniest stories and some of our best podcast is after we're done. It's after the show and we'll be like, they'll tell us these stories and we're like, my gosh, we just want to, we absolutely want to get these stories out. So we're going to encourage you to. submit your story of the you can't make this up this is it was the time that I crawled under the nasty stall in in Wal-Mart in North Carolina to help mom because mom got sick and she couldn't get the door open and I'm like I am on the floor in my brand-new jacket. We are gonna we we got some fun stuff coming up because we want to relate educate inspire, but we want to make you laugh Because that's that's the best medicine right now. We got lecture is and so You know guys follow us ah Because there's some fun stuff coming in across our social media platforms we're gonna encourage you to watch us be stupid on YouTube because In the studio, we're able to really interact. We've showed you our mail and we've even showed you that we have some decent clothes on and we actually fixed our hair. um And I have something to tell you. I'm ready. I love you. Even though we had like a terrible like argument this morning. I can't even believe she just in case everybody knows like JJ is never on time. Oh, we're running late and so. rushing me and then you know why you were mad at me because you forgot your car keys. That is what sisterhood is. is that is what care. family is this is it's messy. It's complicated and if you can't laugh and love and forgive and give grace for JJB in late, mean for that person. Oh really make you mad. um The reality is is I love you too. Alright and I all you guys guys. Thanks so much for listening. Thank you. Follow us on social media if you're interested in being a guest info at sisterhood of care.com if you're interested in the cruise. go to our website, confessionsofaerelectancaregiver.com. You can actually get the link to go there. you know what? We've done a lot of name dropping during this episode. Go and check out. Thank you to our friends at Care Scout. Thank you to our friends at Care Forward. Thank you to all of the businesses who have continued to support us, um NCL, CVS. I mean, there's so many people. can't think Tenna, love Tenna. Tenna, absolutely. support. Honestly, right now I feel like I need a little path of atopy. But PBS Appalachia, Virginia is your bestie. Thank you for letting us. This is our this is the first recording here. And we got to wave at people coming down the escalator, which is super fun because you've got a full screen glass. So guys, thanks so much. And until we confess again, we will see you next time. Bye bye. Well, friends, that's a wrap on this week's confession. Thanks so much for listening into the podcast. But before you go, please take a moment to leave us a review and tell your friends about The Confessions Show. Don't forget, visit our website to sign up for our newsletter as well as connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and Twitter. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on The Confessions website and our YouTube channel. We'll see you next Tuesday when we come together to confess again. Till then, take care of you. Okay, let's talk disclaimers. We are not medical professionals and are not providing any medical advice. If you have medical questions, we recommend that you talk with a medical professional of your choice. As always, my sisters and I at Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver have taken care in selecting the speakers, but the opinions of our speakers are theirs alone. The views and opinions stated in this show are solely those of the contributors and not necessarily those of our distributors or hosting company. This podcast is copyrighted and no part can be reproduced without the express written consent of the Sisterhood of Care, LLC. 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