Media Producer Turned Caregiving Advocate

"Dementia gave us that gift of closeness." - Katrina Prescott

In this compelling episode of The Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver podcast, hosts JJ and Natalie dive into the world of caregiving with special guest Katrina Prescott, a media producer turned caregiving advocate. 🌟

Katrina opens up about her unexpected journey into caregiving, starting at a young age, and shares invaluable lessons on overcoming the emotional, mental, and systemic challenges caregivers face. From navigating the healthcare maze to advocating for better resources, Katrina's story is both eye-opening and empowering.

Katrina also sheds light on her personal experiences caregiving for individuals with dementia. She discusses the emotional toll, finding moments of joy, and how therapeutic fibbing can help reduce anxiety for both caregivers and those they love. It’s these insights that reveal the importance of shifting societal perceptions of dementia and creating supportive communities for caregivers.

🎙️ Key Topics in This Episode:

• Katrina’s unexpected caregiving journey and advocacy mission
• Navigating the healthcare system as a caregiver
• The emotional and physical toll of caregiving
• Finding connection, joy, and meaning in caregiving relationships
• How therapeutic fibbing can transform dementia care
• Building awareness and resources for caregivers everywhere

About Katrina:

Katrina Prescott loves a challenge. With a career as a media producer in New York and Vancouver, she found herself stepping into a new role: full-time caregiver. That life-changing shift made her see firsthand how little support is available for caregivers.

Caring for her mother through young onset dementia took Katrina in a new direction—caregiving advocacy and education. Now, as a Caregiver Coach, she draws from her experience, offering judgment-free guidance for others navigating this often isolating, stressful, and unexpectedly meaningful journey.

By sharing her story openly, she hopes to spare others from the challenges she faced, aiming to reduce suffering and unnecessary work for caregivers. Her style is clear, real, and relatable, offering insights that are both effective and manageable.

With her background in producing, Katrina co-created the web series Therapeutic Fibbing, which combines real-life caregiving scenarios with learning and a touch of lightness to connect with caregivers of those living with dementia. The series has resonated with over a million viewers, offering relatable insights. Her latest project, Things Not To Say To A Caregiver, uses humor to highlight the real-life challenges caregivers face, showing these situations in a way that feels both authentic and reflective of their experiences.

In 2023, Katrina was recognized with the Caregiver Advocacy Award from the Canadian Centre for Caregiving Excellence. 

She’s passionate about dri

Transcript

0:00

Hey guys, it's your favorite sisters with the confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast. On the show, you'll hear caregivers confessing the good, the bad, and the completely unexpected. You're guaranteed to relate, be inspired, leave with helpful tips and resources, and of course, laugh. Now, let's jump right in to today's guest confession. Hey, J. Hi, Natalie. Are you over there on the struggle bus? I am. I gotta adjust my, my. microphone. I don't know what that voice is. I I adjust it. Well, I hope that you don't hit it today. I did. I hit it the other day. was very loud. It was loud. was kind of... You know, the best part is when I look at you and I know... And then I look at you and give you the you're an idiot look. She does. And then I think, crap, that's going to be on video. So it is. It's sad. But you know what happens? Then I feel like I should give you the voice. don't do it. Okay, so we're not going to do the voice. I am. I'm going to do it. Natalie. I know you hate it. All right, I'm moving on. You know what? This is a caregiving podcast, not a how JJ tortures Natalie podcast. Yes. I don't have to reprimand her on the podcast. keep her straight. That's right. Okay. We have an amazing guest today and she is my honestly, she is a dual citizen. So she's my favorite dual citizen that I know. That's cool. Yeah, I'm gonna give her the dual citizen award today because she's Canadian and American. She's a dual citizen and honestly, she is so flipping cool. Like we met so many months ago and we've been trying to get her on the podcast and now we're saving it because she's on on PBS with us where we're recording here in the studio together. She's famous. She is famous. She's famous. so tell me. Tell everybody. I'm gonna tell everybody about her. Okay, Katrina. We are so excited to have you here with us. So today, seriously, we are thrilled to have Katrina Prescott with us. She is, are you ready for this? Ready. She is a powerhouse media producer, caregiving advocate. Whoa, that was a career change. She is still the powerhouse, but she is also, yeah, she absolutely is. But she is definitely a caregiving advocate. Katrina's career took a surprising turn when she became a full-time caregiver for her mom who was diagnosed with young onset dementia. She learned one thing quickly, just how little support there was for people in her situation. Thought that was pretty cool because there's very little support. She says, few understood the complexities of my situation or the decisions I had to make. People began to drift away. Our world grew smaller and we found ourselves increasingly isolated. And I think that's a big deal, oscillation givers and the ones they love. But her experience fueled a new passion. Helping others navigate the overwhelming world of caregiving with humor, heart, and resilience. We are so excited to have you here with us. yeah. I feel like Andy's our producer. We're just going to start talking about Andy in our show, too. We'll be like, Andy, can you insert claps right now? Yeah. Yeah. I'm waiting for it. No, he's not going to do it. I will say that Katrina also has a web series. And I know we're going to get to that. Yes, ma'am. And I'm ready for this. Therapeutic fibbing. Therapeutic fibbing. It's kind of like a little white lie, but... It's fibbing, you know. no, it's reached millions of viewers. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. So we're going talk about that too. Sounds great. But now we're going to let Katrina talk. I think we probably should because you're over there talking a lot today. Sorry about that, Katrina. Katrina's like, I'm going to start my time now. Katrina, thanks so much for being with us. Thanks for having me. It's such an honor to be with you two make it happeners. Yeah. We learned it from you. That's my answer. That's right. So three of you. know there is a technically there is technically three of us. God bless the younger sister who puts up with us. So. So tell me, let's start from the beginning, okay? We always like to say start from the beginning, but give folks, give our listeners and our viewers kind of a sense of background. Like this is where, know, this is my family, this is growing up, and then kind of walking your way, this is where I went through a career. Like you're kind of growing up with us, and then how, you you got into care. So start from the beginning. You were born, but minus the messy part. Yeah, I was born. So I was, I live in Vancouver and I was raised by a single mom and my grandparents, her parents came to help. And I unknowingly became a caregiver at a very young age. My grandfather had a lot of health problems and he also lost his vision. I think I was five. I remember being pulled out of kindergarten because they were traveling and we had to go to Texas and pick them up and drive them back because my grandfather couldn't see at night. So he couldn't drive. So that was really when I would say I started caregiving, but I didn't know I was a caregiver. was just a granddaughter, a helpful granddaughter. My grandfather did die and then it was me, mom and grandma. I moved, I left, I went to New York from Vancouver in my very early twenties. I don't exactly remember how old I was, maybe 20 or 21. And then I was there for about 10 years and I decided to come back for a few reasons. One of those reasons was my mom and my grandma were here alone and my grandma was probably 93. at that stage and I just didn't want my mom to go through that alone. The three of us were very close. We were great at fighting, but we were close. Hi, Ken Relates. So let me, I wanna stop for a sec, cause this is, always gonna interrupt, be an interrupting cow. So when you were growing up, it was you, your mom and your grandmother that lived together after your grandfather had passed. So all live in the same household? So what we do, because in Vancouver, there's not a lot of houses where we live. So we always live in same apartment buildings, very close. Yeah. So when I was young, my grandparents moved into our building. Yeah. makes sense. And then after my grandfather moved, my mom and I and my grandmother moved to a different building together. we were always. you know, a few, one or less or more, one or more floors apart, but we were always very close. Yeah. That's multi-generational living though. It's still, you're still cheating and that's multi-generational living. Yeah. That's fun. A hundred percent. And that's how you do it when there's no houses, right? Like that's how we're, you know, we used to live in villages, right? And caregiving and childcare and all these things were so much easier. But now we live in boxes beside each other. None of us talk to each other. We're siloed. Right. Right. So, you know, probably disease was less before too, and there were less people, but we lived in community and we've really erased that from modern society. you know, we created our own little community with how we chose to live. And I really leave that to my grandmother. She was probably the decision maker deciding those things. Of course, she grew up in more of a, know, born in 1915. It was a little different back then. You know, just attached. Just attached, minus technology. So you lived in New York for 10 years and let see when lived your best life in the city. I did. I did really enjoy living in New York. It was a great place to be in the 20s, you and I... Got into production when I was living there. I went there and I just, didn't know what I wanted to do. What am I going to do? You know, every, every young person feels that. Uh, well, maybe not, but I did certainly. And you know, what did I do? I just went to New York. I don't know. I still didn't have a plan once I got there, but I, um, it worked out. It worked out. It was great. And you know, living in New York, you learn a lot. Doing production in New York, you learn a lot too, my goodness. That was an education. You don't need university. You could actually go to New York. That's right, can go to the university. just went to New York. I love it. So you lived your best life for 10 years, and then you're like, I think I'll go back to Canada and help my mom. Was that a conversation around, you know, started in... year eight, year nine, and you're in New York and you're talking to your mom and you're listening. You're listening for what's going on with your grandmother being older. You're listening to your mom, how your mom's helping her. Is that the kind of feel and you're feeling like care's coming? Yeah, I didn't even know if I knew that care's coming. That's actually something really great that you pointed out there. I don't know that I ever even thought of it in that way, but yeah, I would talk to my mom. I was concerned about, I was actually concerned about her more than my grandmother. Maybe it was intuition, but you know, mom had a challenging life and she had anxiety, stress, depression. Things were hard for her in ways that they weren't hard. You know, the same thing wouldn't be hard for me that was hard for her. So I noticed those things and yeah, I guess kind of all of it. was also, I was tired. Work and production and TV commercials is a lot. working production is a lot. So I kind of was ready to see the ocean and some trees and that kind of stuff. But I was worried about mom and grandma. I didn't want my grandma to die and I wasn't there. That was just really a driver. And when someone lives that long, you have sounds and I'm so grateful that she lived that long. You have anticipatory grief for like 20 years. That's totally true. You're just waiting for people like, cause people like how many people really live to be in their nineties? Like, and then you're like, well, they could go at any moment. And you're kind of like, I've got to spend every moment with you in the sense of it could be the last day. it's not. And so for that, was also selfish, you know, selfish reasons. love my grandma. I wanted to be there and, love my mom and didn't want her to go, go at it alone. And I didn't even. You know, now looking back, mom was grandma's caregiver for like 25 years, but I would never have called her a caregiver. I really know, I don't think I knew what the term caregiver was until someone said it to me when I was caregiving for mom. I think how did I first learn that term? Because I was caregiver unaware. I don't think that was on my radar at all. But yeah, so grandma passed and within two years of that mom was, it really did start almost right away, but mom was significantly different within two years of grandma passing. How old was your mom at that time? Gosh, I need to write these things down because obviously I get asked and I'm always like, she must have been in her late 50s when grandma died. early 60s ish when this was starting to go down. So dementia wasn't even all, I also didn't know anything about dementia. Right? Right. On my, I remember as a kid, sometimes seeing those ads on TV, if someone you know has Alzheimer's, if you love someone with Alzheimer's, you know, there was some weird commercials that I didn't pay attention to when I was like eight or whatever. But other than that, they had no Got nothing, nothing about any of this at all. So, you know, I came back from New York and just started, you know, getting work and doing yoga, doing yoga teacher training and doing, riding my bike and, you know, lifing. And then that really took a 180. So was it a slow burn or was it a, like did it happen in a crisis? you live with your mom or did you live in the same complex? When I first came back to New York, I would stay there, or from New York, sorry, I would stay there. And then I ended up not, then I got my own place, far away actually. It was the only time, They lived in the suburbs and sorry, but I just got back from New York. Obviously I'm going to live there. Yeah, exactly. Not an option. The transition was already enough. I need to be in the city. So I didn't live near them. And you know, I don't know if mom knew. I don't know if mom knew before I knew. I wasn't going to doctor's appointments with her until I was right. So I don't know how slow the burn was. Looking back, there were red flags, but I didn't know those red flags were pointing towards young onset. you have opinion issues, or you're depressed that your mom died, or, right? I never would have thought dementia. What really, two kind of red flags, a few red flags, that really kind of threw me to something's not good going well for her year was she loved reading and she stopped. Loved reading, like a book a week, like at least, like she was always reading. Stopped reading, why? Because I can't see. Okay, let's go get your eyes fixed. So I was focused on vision, right? So I thought she was having vision, well, not, being able to see can cascade into other things. So I was focused on the vision thing. That didn't really seem to work. And then I noticed there was so much rotten food in her fridge. Rotten, all much rotten food. What? Like I couldn't believe it. Then one day took her, mom had lost quite a bit of weight. She'd been trying to lose weight, but it could have been also dementia and I hadn't ever considered this actually. I hadn't even thought about it till now. She'd lost weight prior to some of these red flags, but anyway, I took her out to buy her some new clothes. And then the next day I was gonna take her out and she just couldn't find the clothes, didn't really know what I was talking about. What do you you don't know where the clothes are? We just got them yesterday. I thought she was being difficult. Don't, don't annoy me, mom. You know, that was the thing. It's like, God, what do mean you don't know where the clothes are? They're right where you left them. Right? That was how, that was how I was. And her and I did fight a lot. Like we loved each other more than anything, but blue ribbon bickerers, I'm telling you. Right? What time? don't know what time it is, okay, sorry I asked, you know, like just, and that could go either way. Like, yeah, we loved each other and we just couldn't, couldn't connect. So, you know, this is another thing that is so important in caregiving, right? You know, a lot of us step into this role. Well, we didn't necessarily have a super smooth relationship with the person that needs care now. That's right. expected or have to because there's no other option, step into this, right? So I'm coming with my past relationship, my lived experience, my history is coming into these interactions and it creates blind spots, 100%. I like that. I'm like that you just said it creates blind spots. First time we've heard that, because it's so true. is the most accurate description of how your past experiences can create blind spots in caregiving. And she or mom says, I can't find my clothes. And you're thinking, dude, you were doing this to a new same way with mom's teeth. Mom's teeth and her shoes. Her She's like, I don't know where the new shoes are. mean, seriously, I just paid all kinds of money for these fancy shoes you had to have. You lost them? And I'm thinking, she's just being difficult. And she's not. Hold that thought for a second, because we've to take a break. We gotta take a break, we'll be right back. We'll take a long break. All right, everybody, we are back here with Katrina Prescott and we're talking about... spots. Blind spots. Yeah. And how past relationships can create those. And red flags. Red flags, yeah. What we missed from the red flags. Okay. So you get this, what is the day? Because I'm assuming that's kind of the trigger that says, Well, we didn't get a diagnosis for years. You know, this went on for a long time. Because I didn't, I moved, okay, so then I moved her to me. I moved her into my building, right? In the city. Because that's what we do in my family. We move into these buildings apparently. But I moved her, just, her and grandma lived in the same building. Grandma's gone. Mom was her caregiver for 25 years. Still wasn't using the word, I would just say took care of. for 25 years, her mom's gone, all of her, her sister's gone, her dad's gone. Mom doesn't have any family. I bring her to me because we're all, we have left now, right? So, and I figure, she'll get, she'll get downtown. She won't be so isolated. She'll go for walks. She'll hang out with her friends. She's gonna pop out. She's depressed. She's gonna snap out of it. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad, is Now it happened. At all. Were you having a life during this time? I'm just kind of curious. Because you're still young. Are you out, you got a job, you're socializing, I'm hoping, you know, living your life. Yeah, at that time, I think I was, but she always in the background. I'm like, something's off. Is this person okay? Yeah. course I don't want anything to happen to her. But also she, and I don't know if this is everybody's experience, she also, know, dementia is so stigmatized. Chronic illness is stigmatized, caregiving is stigmatized, the whole thing, right? But if you can't remember something or if your brain isn't working up to par, it's very stigmatized, right? Like you aren't really welcomed into society. So, you know, What was going on for her was probably she was terrified of letting that cat out of the bag, right? So like, I don't know how bad it was. I don't know what was being hid for me. I have no idea, right? I don't know what was happening for her because yes, I was kind of just living my life and I was worried about her. But she also... didn't want to go to doctor. She was scared. And from what I know, that's a common story. Especially, I do coaching too, right? And a lot of the people I work with, they won't go to the doctor. It's like, yeah, it's real. And I get that because when we did go to the doctor to get a diagnosis, it was the most demeaning, horrible situation. that anybody could ask for. And it was, it was just absolutely horrible. I could not believe it. I could not believe that people are treated this way. So anyway. So what was your experience? don't know, Ros, what happened? So what is your experience in the medical community? Right, so we go to the medical center. And the doctor just isn't friendly, isn't warm. know, for people living, people working with people living with dementia, my gosh, you'd hope that they would know more than I would as someone who didn't know anything living with dementia. But dementia, the way I think of dementia is kind of like the worst anxiety attack maybe ever, and it's totally out of control. It's like a runaway anxiety train. You know, if a doctor, if you're gonna see a doctor, hopefully they're thinking of it like that, an approach with some warmth. You know, people living with dementia don't do well with questions, generally, right? That's kind of like, that's Teepa Snow that's kind of what I learned that seemed to be 101, right? And they give you a test with a bunch of questions. So because a person living with dementia doesn't do well with questions, they just shut down. Like it feels like they're not even included in getting their own diagnosis. It's really brutal. And my mom is crying after. Like it was not good. It was, they put her in a room, a dark room with a guy. They wouldn't let me stay in the room and they gave her a test, like a written test, draw a clock, do the, you know, my mom's freaking out. So from that, maybe that was the moment I realized that somebody needs to say something. no, that's when I became an advocate. Yeah, was going to say that's when it becomes hardcore. You're like, I am now an advocate. I'm self-appointed and I'm going to kick some butt. Yeah, was, I was, I won't swear, but you can imagine the words that I would like to use. It's probably the same where so many people want to, to be honest with you. So you finally get a diagnosis though. You get a diagnosis and then what? Like, cause it's almost like, it's like, this crescendo. Like you're, it felt the same way with waiting for cancer diagnosis for us. Like, You don't know what it is, you know something's not right, because everybody always wants something to point their finger at. Like this is why, right? And then you get it, and then it's like, well now what? And then your brain shifts into a different mode of what you do. So you get the diagnosis, and then what You know, I still didn't really know anything about dementia. They say call the Alzheimer's Society. okay, great. Like, right, there's a place. I'm gonna call this place, this is what I thought. I'm gonna call this place and they're gonna help. They're gonna handle it. They're gonna send in their team. They're gonna send people to help. Nope, that's... It's the welcome wagon for Alzheimer's. Ta-da! Well, and it's any diagnosis. We're going to go to these specialists and they're going to help me. And then you realize it's not really there. Like, there's no team of people. Like, they'll tell you what to do, but then you're kind of on your own. Yeah, we didn't even have people tell us what to do. It was a real womp, womp. You know, I really was pumped about that. And I don't know what that was, was my imagination, imagining what was going to be available to us, which was, you know, help. You can't, at that early stage, you can't know what you need. You can't understand what's coming. Even if somebody explains it to you, I don't know that everyone's gonna digest it. And also every person's unique, every case is unique. So even if you tell me all this stuff, it might not totally present that way, so. It's a bizarre experience because you do these educations and things that they have. I remember doing that and I was at a table with three other men, three or four other men, was four of us, probably three other men, a family, and by the time we left the education, they were sobbing, in tears, sobbing, uncontrolled, and I was like, oh my, what is happening here? How is this setting any of us up for success? Right? how can we meet people where they are now and support them in getting those needs met where they are now? Right? Because there is an opportunity for moments of joy with the diagnosis of dementia and many moments of love and laughter and connection and And the stigma just perpetuates something that is totally, where that's not available. And that leads to really negative outcomes. And it doesn't need to. We really need a paradigm shift around how we view this disease. I would agree with that. And I think there's a lot of things. think Parkinson's falls under their ALS. I think all of the biggies, you really think about it, Alzheimer's, dementia, Parkinson's, ALS, those, because cancer sits over here on its own, because there is quote unquote, there is a recovery, whereas the other ones do not, and there's no cure, there is staving off, right? And so as a caregiver, and whether you self-identified or not at first, How did you hear this diagnosis? You know there's no cure. What do you see like, what in your mind when you have that quiet time to think, what is my future going to look like? Do you ever have those moments like, why could I have not had another sibling? Because you're an only child and not married. I have two half siblings, but they're not with me. Three actually, but they're not in in this world, they're not my mom's kids, right? That's what I mean. Yeah, so I mean, I don't, I think it kind of set in slowly. Like, yes, I would think that, but mom was still kind of okay. Right. So I don't think I could really, I don't even know if I believed it. You know, I don't feel that I could even get myself there because You kind of don't know until it happens to you, right? I would, we would just live our lives and you know, then something would happen. Okay. Then you manage that. Okay. Then something would happen. okay. How am going to manage that? Okay. okay. Okay. Got that. Then something else. I mean, that is just basically how I would describe it the whole eight years, right? Something else happened. And then you handle that. I mean, I don't know. You know, yes, my life, did. There was a point in time, okay, I talk about bathroom stuff, but nobody else does, or maybe people do, and I just don't hear it. But I speak about this because incontinence of bowel and bladder are very real when, I'm sure for many people, and definitely it's for people living with dementia. And when the Bell and Continence happened, I think that's when I really realized that I was gonna really be taking care of my mom. I think that's when it really chunked in for me. And I had a massive mental hurdle to jump over there because I was not interested in doing any of that. Sign me up as well. Yeah. And, you know, again, with the history of the relationship, like, I couldn't even really hug my mom, even though I loved her more than anybody. Like, it took me a long time to be able to hug my mom again. Like, we had challenges, right? Right. I mean, throughout the diagnosis, of course, you know, dementia, will say it did, it did give us that gift of closeness. Like, all those things did come. Right. Right? Like, I ended up really changing my view of my mom and falling in love with her as a person, not just my mom. And as someone who, I feel very honored that my mom let me care for her, right? Because her allowance of that really grew me into who I am today. Right? I don't know where else I would have gotten that. Learned, um, compassion, learned presence, right? Learning to stay in the moment. They say this to all of us, our whole lives, to be in the moment. Okay. Well, this, this actually was a amazing presence practice, right? I used to call her my little Buddha because I would have to go there to get through some of it. Right? And then sometimes it would be so horrific. Some of the things are so to me, they probably weren't, but to me in the moment, because I'm so tired and it's so crazy. And I would just look at my mom and I would start laughing and I'd be like, is this a test Buddha? It was just so, some of the things are so crazy that I would think like that, but really my mom through suffering really enabled me to grow into myself. And God, not only did my mom give me life, she gave me everything, just really everything who I am today. which I think is pretty okay, and it's enabled me to help other people. Okay, I'm stop you right there. I'm gonna stop right there, because we have to take a break. I am not surprised, because I'm like, oh, I love me some Katrina. I know, I Because the thing is, it's, well, she's, it's insightful. The fact that you can see this is insightful, and how do you allow for it, how do you allow for positive to come from it? How do you allow for healing to come from it? Because I can tell you, it can be really hard to want to care for somebody you don't care for at times. Which is really funny. I want to care for you, even though I have to care for you. Okay, we'll be right back. All right, everybody, we are back here with Katrina and, keep bumping my mic. Stregie, please don't bump your mic, I'm sorry about that. She's like, sorry. So you said something about, finding love, laughter, and joy, even when there is an Alzheimer's dementia, when there are those type of diagnosis. And sometimes people, you know, for the gentleman that walked out of the training in tears, there's so much of that out there. So many people look at it and say life is over. Tell me about that, about your time with your mom, because you talk about how impactful it's been on this part of your life. Tell me about... finding love, laughter, and joy with your mom after this diagnosis. Yeah, I mean, I don't know that I would say it was easy because it wasn't easy before the diagnosis. Right, right. That's also a burn. Yeah, slow burn. Yeah, the love was always there. I love my mom more. I don't know if ever love anyone like that again. Probably not in this life. you know, it was really, it didn't happen at first. It was, I was really, I think I, you know, wasn't pleased that I had to care for my mom. I was young too ish, right? I was in my mid thirties. when this kind of started taking off and you know, I was fit, you know, I had my yoga body and my little outfits and I was like, doing my work, you know, I was like, so yeah. And now it's like, I'm dealing with bowel incontinence. That's exactly right. So, you know, I wouldn't say that it happened overnight, that's for sure, but there was a moment in time where mom and I were at her apartment and we were just arguing, like we were having an interaction and it was negative, like it was arguing. vibes, right? I was, she was doing something I didn't like it. I was pushing back and we were going back and forth. And I don't know what happened for me, but I just realized that this was pointless. And I stopped. I just stopped. And I kind of realized that she was going to continue to change in a way that was not going to be able to be controlled, but I could control. me and how I show up and how I participate. And you know, that changed everything, right? I started dipping into conscious communication, not saying you all the time. Well, you, you, know, as soon as we say you to someone, it's trigger fest, right? So I really started for both of our benefit, but to preserve my energy, really kind of leaned into conscious communication with her. And then I think that allowed me some space to detach, move away from feeling angry all the time, because I wasn't, there wasn't as much of that because of the way that we were communicating, it softened things, right? So then I was less angry, and when I was less angry, that opened everything up to moments of, you know what, mom's funny and I'm gonna let myself laugh at it. Or this insane thing that just happened, if anybody's watching, they would be laughing at us. Right? Like if aliens are watching, they're busting a gut. Like there's no... It's like 100%. So... But it was a practice. It was a practice, right? And I also didn't know how long it was gonna last, but it felt like a long time to be miserable. I felt like I needed to choose, and for her, right? For both of us, I needed to choose something else. Okay, and all this to say, I wasn't always perfect. Yes, it still happened that I would feel angry. I was extremely burnt out. Like it was... People were, how are you doing this? I have no idea. There's no option. So you just, you're doing it. you know, I don't want to say that it was easy. When I talk about these more positive things that I got out of the journey, but it was really challenging and I managed to heal our relationship in many ways. and love my mom in a way that I always had wanted to and just couldn't before. It was a gift. Do I wish she didn't have the diagnosis and was here and healthy? Yeah. And that's what happened. So here we are. So I know we're going to get into sister questions, but it's really... So you go through this journey. And you're one of those people that's like, and then you did something with it, right? And so I remember last week or week before last, you sent me the video of, which was fantastic, we're gonna definitely put the link to it, about what is it, people asking a caregiver like, can I help you? And then they really don't want to. Or what can I do? It's such, it's so true life. you've, so what have you done? Like how has this experience, like what have you done with it? Because you've definitely done some things. Yeah. Well, thank you for saying that. I appreciate that. I, know, basically it stemmed from, I, again, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe the lack of supports and all. So I really didn't want anyone to go through what we went through. And I know that my mom would not. want that either. So anytime there was an opportunity to say something, share a story, tell it, I would just start doing it. So I started, that was kind of how the activism side started. And I still do quite a lot of that. I speak very honestly and openly about our journey, as you can tell, to anybody who will listen, especially if they're in government. or the healthcare system, you know, I participate in a lot of studies, you know, data helps change things. So yes, use us. They need people. hard for researchers to find people. So really, that ever, please, if that ever comes across your table, say yes, they need it with those numbers. Numbers make change sometimes, Numbers are dollars. Numbers are dollars, 100%. So I participate in research as much as I can. With the kind of more personal side of it, I'm also a health coach and a life coach. And I realized that I was kind of coaching myself in this, when I'm having these aha moments, right? Like, maybe I would say some of these, what would I say to a client? Right? And. you know, like the show, kind of became my own Carrie Godmother, right? So I started thinking about how can I do this with other people? So I just became a caregiver coach and consultant because I really like caregivers, love caregivers, love everybody, and people need help. I had no idea what I was doing. Why are we not all connected? every, how many people just in Vancouver today got diagnosed with dementia? Just that. Like why do they have to reinvent the wheel by themselves? So I put myself out there so that people can learn from me and our lived experience and come up with creative solutions. Cause boy, there's a lot of creative solutions and how to navigate the healthcare system. So I do that. I do workshops and Grouping families. And then I have the series, Therapeutic Fibbing, that is a co-production with me and my co-producer Jessica Fraser and Pat Holden. It's centered around a family living with dementia, the moms living with dementia. And we provide tools in more of a light-hearted way that isn't sobbing at the table, right? How can we communicate in a way that is helpful and maybe lets us look at this disease and these experiences through a different lens. So that, and then yeah, things not to say to a caregiver, which is our newest pilot. on my actual lived experience. Yes. Okay. So, and you're doing so much, which I absolutely love, because we're gonna make sure all this is in the show notes, and so that people can find you and ask you questions and watch the things, because that's the thing is, I really like that you just said, of all the people who are diagnosed, why can we not get them all together with their caregivers? Like, why can we not? Like, why is this so hard so then everybody can share best practice? And while one thing may not work for you, it may inspire you to say, but I could do this, or I could. try this. And because I think that's where you and then you're not feeling alone even though if nothing works, you know, it's like they always say misery loves company. Well, it's not about misery. It's our shared experience is what brings us together. Yeah. And gives hope. Sorry. J, I know you have a burning question. So I love therapeutic fibbing. I think it's great. do. And it's just because sometimes I have to be selective. and choosing what I share, not with my husband, with my mom. You do some things with Dexter. I am selective. And so I love that little fib, little white lie. So I want you to give me for somebody out there, maybe that's listening that has either that is caring for someone with a new or a long journey with dementia, give me a therapeutic fibbing sort of give them just a word of advice, something that might help them today. like to do it? Yeah, give them a take away. A helpful hint. Well, therapeutic feeling is great because you meet the person where they are instead of creating more anxiety, right? So we might feel bad that we're saying, no, there's no doctor's appointment today. And then two hours later, we're in the car going to a doctor's appointment, right? But the anticipation and the anxiety that that person is going to have for the next couple hours, if they think they're going to the doctor, is it worth it? And you, you know, you as the caregiver can make that decision, but really it can just set everybody up for success and that makes life and the caregiving journey so much easier. And maybe it improves their quality of life too, because they're not stressed out. It's an up level all around, in my opinion. And I think what it is is that as children we're taught not to lie. Like that's one of the big things, like you don't lie. Lying is a value. And so if you really think about it, people struggle with why did children fib? Why do you lie? I love that you call it therapeutic fibbing because lie is such a harsh word, but fibbing's like, it's like a white lie. Like, that's like a little one, doesn't care. It's kind of like, your butt doesn't look too big in those pants, Jack. look great. They look great. Just get them on, because we want to go somewhere. But I think that's really important is how much of our own personal values are violated in the caregiving process and how much we have to put some of those personal values aside. When I say personal values, I'm not talking about dastardly things. I'm talking about being on time. things being in a certain place. Even being called by your name. I know that's a big thing. You know, that they say, you know what, if my grandmother were to call me, you know, if they were to call me Natalie, mean, don't call me, I'm not Natalie, I'm JJ. You know, sometimes just let those things go because... I've been called by the dog's name for years by mom. Or like, You know, it's kind of like to pick your battles, right? matters right does it matter that two different socks are on like does the shirt have to be on properly no you know mom called me mom and i'm not sure if it's because i called her mom Or she thought I was her mom, but I was also taking care of her the way that a mom would. So it kind of, I was like, maybe there's something in this experience that reminds her of that. And she's having her experience. And you know, with therapeutic fibbing. It just, can alleviate so much anxiety and really meeting people where they are, we just really don't allow for that very often in society in general, I would say. Yeah, I would agree with that. Well, I'm to my last question. I know. I can't wipe your hand through though. That's okay, I'm gonna call Katrina after. We're gonna talk on the phone, it won't matter. Everyone will be like, I wanna come. But here is always my favorite question, which is, What is your favorite guilty pleasure? What is the one thing that you do just for yourself that brings you joy? In the life. gosh, well. You know, I ate quite a lot of popcorn last night. Did you share? That's the question because I don't want to share. No, there's no sharing. your own. Butter, salt, is it because Jason and I really love the, it's the black and white popcorn which is just all it is is dark chocolate and white chocolate on the popcorn and it will make you cry. It's so good. Okay. And I ain't sharing that for sure. Yeah and I wouldn't ask you to because I'm meeting you where you are. Keep your pawpaw. Hey, you know what? All I need to do is get you a bowl. Like that's the best part. It's like, can I have some of that? I'll go get you some. Yeah. You're not getting mine. Well, I need my own vat, bag, or whatever. That is exactly right. Yeah. Caregiver food for the asses. I haven't done it in a long time. And yesterday, was just, I'd had a day and it was, I'm doing this. But I do... Coconut oil, salt, pepper, and nutritional yeast. No, nutritional yeast because that tastes like cheese. That's... She's mixing it Really oily. Really oily. And maybe like a tinge of olive on there. It's... I feel like you're Canadian. That's a Canadian popcorn mix that you got going on. Well, most of my friends here are doing that. Yeah, it's all the rage in Canada. But like I try to take myself on a few minutes of a walk after because it's got to move the 22 miles of intestines for the popcorn. And with that folks, after talking about Katrina's intestines. Well, we did talk about incontinence. I think we talked about it. Thank you, Tina. They're not sponsoring this, but they're like, Will, we can help you. Yeah, with that Incontinence Girls bet. I'm here with Tana. Yeah, exactly. Right. We're using it for all kinds of things, not just Incontinence Girl. Welcome to Menopause. yeah. Well, Tana, Katrina, thank you so much for being with us. This has been so much fun. I really, I really appreciate you and coming and telling a really honest, authentic about your experience. mean, and that's who you are. Every time I talk to Katrina, it's who she is, and the offer to say, I'm happy to help, tell me what I can do, that is absolutely genuine. Every time I've emailed, every time we talk, and she absolutely followed through, and you're just, I am very proud to call you friend. And sister. And sister. Mostly sister. Best sister. Guys, thanks so much for joining us today on this episode of Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver. And until next time, we will see you then. Bye-bye. Well, friends, that's a wrap on this week's Confession. Thanks so much for listening in to the podcast. But before you go, please take a moment to leave us a review and tell your friends about the Confessions show. Don't forget. Visit our website to sign up for our newsletter as well as connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and Twitter. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on the Confessions website and our YouTube channel. We'll see you next Tuesday when we come together to confess again. Till then, take care of you. Okay, let's talk disclaimers. We are not medical professionals and are not providing any medical advice. If you have medical questions, we recommend that you talk with a medical professional of your choice. As always, my sisters and I at Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver have taken care in selecting the speakers, but the opinions of our speakers are theirs alone. The views and opinions stated in this show are solely those of the contributors and not necessarily those of our distributors or hosting company. This podcast is copyrighted and no part can be reproduced without the express written consent of the Sisterhood of Care, LLC. Thank you for listening to the Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver podcast.