Caregiving as a Calling: Crystal's Unwavering Commitment to Serving Her Hero

Crystal Lane's story is one of faith, determination, and an unwavering commitment to supporting her husband, JP, a retired Army Specialist who lost both his legs in an IED explosion in Afghanistan. Despite their challenges, Crystal and JP's journey is a testament to the power of love and determination.

At just 22 years old, Crystal met JP at a gym in San Antonio, where he was recovering from his injuries. Drawn to his courage and faith, Crystal quickly realized JP was the one for her, and within six months, the couple had married. However, transitioning into the caregiver role was difficult, as Crystal had to learn to balance her identity as a wife and a caregiver. Through prayer and perseverance, she found her purpose in supporting JP and advocating for other military families facing similar challenges.

Today, Crystal and JP are co-founders of the JP Lane Foundation, which aims to provide marriage retreats and resources for veterans, first responders, and spouses. Their story is a powerful reminder that love and faith can conquer all, even in the face of adversity. Crystal's dedication to serving her hero husband has inspired countless others, and her journey continues to be a testament to the transformative power of caregiving.

About Crystal:

Crystal was born and raised in Brownsville, TX. She currently lives in San Antonio, TX, with her husband, JP Lane. She will receive her Bachelor’s in Psychology from Grace Christian University this October. Being a caregiver to her warrior is her top priority. Crystal is the Executive Director for JP’s Journey and Co-founder of the JP Lane

Foundation, which will launch soon. JP and Crystal are also National Ambassadors for Helping a Hero, where we speak on building adaptive homes for combat-wounded veterans and their families. Crystal and JP, also known as Team Lane, promotes post-traumatic growth to combat wounded veterans and others across the country, helping them build a mindset to ‘Never Give Up, Never Surrender.’ Their journey of faith, determination, and love of life is inspiring.

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

Hey guys, it's

Natalie: 0:01

your favorite sisters here with the confessions of her electing caregiver podcast. On the show, you'll hear caregivers confessing the good, the bad and the completely unexpected. You're guaranteed to relate, be inspired, leave with helpful tips and resources and, of course, laugh. Today's episode is part of our special series, heroes caring for heroes. We're partnering with the Fisher House Foundation to highlight our brothers and sisters in care who are courageously sharing their caregiving journey for both seen and unseen scars of military life and war. Now let's jump right in to today's hero confession,

Unknown: 0:42

Hey, Jay, hi, Natalie. How are you doing today? I'm good.

Natalie: 0:47

Why are you touching me?

JJ: 0:48

Because we're in the same studio again.

Natalie: 0:50

So weird. You are so weird. You know, people are gonna be like, there's something wrong with those sisters. They get in the same room. You know what we realized, though, is that we're doing this amazing series, heroes, caring for heroes, and it's sponsored by friends at CBS

JJ: 1:08

health and Tena, who is an adult incontinence brand. They're the number one in

Natalie: 1:13

the United States. They are. They're pretty big, yeah. And so we and we have some lived experience, but that's not what this podcast is about. That is true. What we did realize, though, is that we've recorded several of them because we're recording in our PBS studio, like with Big Bird, with Big Bird and Cookie Monster, and that we did not change shirts. People were either gonna think those ladies need some different tops

Unknown: 1:37

for

JJ: 1:39

this entire the all nine episodes will be in the same clothes.

Natalie: 1:42

I know people like they don't got their new detergent,

JJ: 1:46

moving on. So yes, it is heroes. Caring for heroes. I love this series, yeah, one of our favorite series for the month of November. And we've got a guest today. Yeah? And, well,

Natalie: 1:56

I want to make sure guests know heroes. Carrying for Heroes is about our active duty military and veteran caregivers, yeah, and so they are heroes that are taking care of our country's heroes, and that's why we wanted to recognize them. And you know, this is airing in the month of November, which is national caregiver month, but also it's veterans remembrance month. And I'm we're just going all in. We're whole hog. So hog, that's right, so let's talk about our guests. Because she is awesome, guys, you're gonna have to, I mean, everybody that we have is beautiful. I need to qualify that she's beautiful. She's extra beautiful. Like, do we all,

Unknown: 2:34

I'm married, she's

Natalie: 2:36

like,

JJ: 2:36

she's the best hair.

Natalie: 2:37

She's the best hair. Guys, you're gonna see the thing, but then you should go to YouTube so you can see her beautiful hair. But she's okay, she's beautiful. Okay. Anyway, beyond that, okay,

JJ: 2:46

let's talk about our guest today, Crystal. Let's all also thank the Lord that Natalie did not see okay. Today, we are truly incredibly excited to have crystal lane with us. So I want to tell you a little bit about her. She is a wife and caregiver to retired Army Specialist JP lane, a JP was severely injured in Afghanistan in 2011 losing both his legs after an IED explosion. She says one lesson she's learned over the years is that caregiving is a blessing and a superpower. I love that she made it I need a keep. Journey has made her more resilient, and her mission is to help other caregivers embrace their mission, to continue to serve alongside their loved ones without losing their identity. I'm going to tell you what she does in her free time. You know, she's got a lot, she's got a lot of free time. Obviously she's pursuing her bachelor's in psychology. Is the executive director of J P's journey, and she's the co founder of the J P Lane foundation. This today, I'm excited, because it's a story of faith, determination, and it's about law. I love

Natalie: 3:56

that they love each other.

Unknown: 3:57

I love love crystal. Thank you so much for being with us. Thanks for having me. I can't wait to share more. You guys are super sweet, and your comments are just like, perfect. Keep going.

Natalie: 4:10

We will never hurt anybody's self esteem. We're like, oh, so so we are super thrilled to have you here, and your story is a little bit different, um, different from some of the other caregivers. Um, because, you know, spoiler alert, you met JP after his injury. And so before we get to that, I really want to talk about you, because this is, I mean, this is about you as a caregiver. But I want to start from the beginning and always say, you know you were born, but tell us your tell us your background, tell us about a little bit about your family. Tell us about growing up, and then how you all the way up to kind of meaning, to meaning. JP, and then, because there's some intentional decisions, to date someone who not only is. The military, but then to date someone who has a different ability and going into that caregiver role. So

JJ: 5:07

I'll stop talking. You start. Let's go.

Unknown: 5:11

And yeah, I mean, I was born and raised in Brownsville, Texas, the tip of Texas. We like to say, we call ourselves like the valley girl, right? Is what them called, when I go around, they're like, oh, you're a valley girl. And I'm like, okay, whatever that means, right? So I just continue to just pursue what God has given me. And I was born and raised there. I lived 18 years until I moved. I've, you know, moved to Dallas with my sister, then I went back, and then I finally moved to San Antonio. But it was, I was working at the bay, you know, was pursuing my mom's footsteps. I was like, Oh, I'm going to be a financial sales advisor. That's, that's just what I want to do. You know, it kind of, you know, through life, you kind of make your own decisions and, like, just wherever, like we talked about, wherever the wind goes, right? I'm like, Okay, well, I'll try this. And I was a dancer for my whole life. Since I was three years old, I pursued dancing, and then I did the D league for the rocket for the rockets, where they're called the Vipers. So I did halftime shows. Oh my god, well, game so you

Natalie: 6:11

just got automatically cooler. All I can think of right now is like, you're a Dallas cowgirl for basketball, and I'm totally obsessed with the Dallas cowgirl show, so you just got immensely cooler. Okay, keep going. Oh,

Unknown: 6:27

so I was like, I'm gonna pursue dancing, and that's actually what brought me to San Antonio. Was okay, I'm gonna be San Antonio's first silver dancer. That's what I wanna do. My cousin, my family's always pursue like, Hey, you gotta keep doing it. That's your passion. That's your gift. Like, you got to do it. I was like, okay, you know, let's, let's, if I make the team, I'll move to San Antonio and kind of go from there. And I was go. I was just visiting for one week. I took time off from work. I literally told my boss, like, Hey, I'm going to San Antonio, which is five hours north from where I live. And I was like, Okay, I'm going to audition if I make the team. Like, I'm not going back. You know, it's kind of like, I'm in a room. Oh my god, if I make the team,

JJ: 7:06

I'm not going back. That's like, if I win the lottery, I'm not coming back. So no, I

Unknown: 7:10

was like, No, I'm out of here. You know? I just knew, like, I was always driven to, like, get out because this, it's a small city, right? And it's grown since then, right? But back then, I was like, I know there's more out there. Like, I just, I just, I don't know. I just always was driven to, like, leave, right, and go to a bigger city, and so I like audition. And I was like, right before, like, final so, like, you get cut every day. Like, it's kind of like, you know, it's like three days, you learn the routines, like, it's more than one, right? And then you, like, audition, and then you and then you make the next time you see your number right on the four, like, Hey, you made it. You made onto the next round. And it's a week long process. So it's, like, super stressful, right? I mean, you're like, oh my goodness, this is it. And then I got, I go to the finals, and I'm like, Okay, Lord, if this is not for me, like, just make it very clear. And literally, like, I'm like, head down, down to the court, like, about to perform in front of these judges, and then, like, I missed the first count, like, immediately, like, when you pop up and that, like, never happens, like you don't, you just don't miss that. And I just did the whole routine with the song on my face. I got out of there and I was super happy. And everybody's like, Oh my goodness, You did so good. It's like, I messed up. Like I just owned it, like I just knew that, okay, this is not for me. But after that happened, you know, I was like, Okay, I'm a little discouraged. Like, okay, maybe I'm not good enough, right? Maybe I, like, just the list goes on, of like, self doubt and my life, of like, what it could have been in San Antonio, and I'm already, like, I'm at this point, I'm like, 20 I just turned 22 Okay, so, you know, I'm kind of, like, we come in in a Dole Right? Like, I'm gonna go and work out here in San Antonio and, and then my cousin was like, Well, don't back home yet. Like, you still have a couple days since it was cut short from the audition. Like, like, enjoy San Antonio. Like, let me show you around. Let's go here. Let's go there, explore. And I was like, Okay. And she's like, You know what, you need to work out. Like, let's just go work out. Release some of that stress and that steam and just like, and I'm like, okay, like, you know, let's just do what happened? It gets better.

JJ: 9:13

I know that we're so excited.

Unknown: 9:17

And so we walked into this Gold's Gym that she lived, like, five minutes away, and I'm not familiar with the area at all. And she's like, okay, like, we go to the treadmill. She's like, show me what you do. Show me your your workouts, because then when you have, we talked about the dancer bot, right? I mean, that was me. I had the dancer bot, and I was like, Okay, I'll show you my workouts, and we kind of just go from there. And JP, who I didn't know, JP at the time, was walking into the gym, and it's a huge gold gym, and my cousin, like, out of the blue, like, points him out. Like, if she knew him, and was like, oh my goodness, that guy is so cute. He'd be perfect for you. He's cute. Little did we know that we he was like, like, he wasn't, um, we didn't see. His prosthetic. So we didn't know he was in the EBT, you know? So I was like, yeah, like, okay, yeah, that guy, like, he's cute, you know. But we didn't know that he was walking on two prosthetics, and because all the equipment and the gym, like, it was from far away, yeah? And he's walking into the gym, and everybody's like, hey. JP, I can hear his name, hey. JP, hey. JP, and everybody is like, you know, I'm like, okay, who's this? JP, guy? Like, oh, no, I'm not interested. Because, like, everybody knows him. Like, no, not my type of guy. I'm pretty humble, you know. Like, that was my mindset. Like, put it in just like people think he is, you know. And I, again, still did not know that he was a double apt. And we work out. Time goes by like, we're about to finish up, and we're doing the table cool down. JP, likes me to be specific on what workout I was doing. So okay, no, actually wasn't being a perv, right? Because it's really weird coming up to a girl, like, if she's doing squats, and everybody's like, okay, but I was doing upper body, I was doing my arms. And he comes up to me and was like, Hey, you're doing this workout better than half of the men in here. And my cousin's like, it's all her, like, elbowing My, my, my arm. And I'm like, Oh, thanks, you know. And, like, the rest was just history. And just kept asking me, like, Oh, will you be here tomorrow? And I'm like, Yeah, I'll be here tomorrow. Like, you know, like, we're just asking, like, Oh, are you from here? You know, things like that, and just kind of get to know each other. But I didn't tell him, though, I still didn't say I wasn't actually from there, because I didn't want him to be like, oh, you know, I don't know. I'm from Brownsville, so I don't know. I just didn't want him to be like, not talk to me anymore, right? So the next day came, and it was just like, I just knew, like I said, Thank you for your service on the first day. Of course, you know, I acknowledged that he was in military, and I was just drawn to that because my family, not my father, but my grandfather, uncles, cousins, all served, and so I respected very much. And right away he found me out. We found each other on Facebook, of course, and he was like, Oh, are you? The first question he asked me was like, Are you a Christian? And I was like, Yes, I am. Like, that was just amazing to know that the first thing he noticed, you know, was that I was a faith, I was a believer. And I said, Are you? And he's like, yes. And so I think that was kind of like, I just knew, like, By the third day, like, I it was just a weird, like, connection that we met at that perfect timing, and I was like, He's the one. Like, I literally went back home because, remember, I didn't live there, so I went back home and I just told like, my family, like my grandma, my dad, everybody I just met the love of my life, I'm gonna marry him. And they're like, you just went to San Antonio, like, what you

Natalie: 12:47

were gonna find a silver girl? What happened in dancing? You're like, No, I'm good. I'm gonna get married. I'm getting

Unknown: 12:53

married. Yeah, literally. And it was so sweet, because my grandmother was like, Oh God, sent you over there, not to make the team, but to like, like, make a team, like you and a husband. And I was like, my goodness, yeah,

Natalie: 13:09

I love that. I love your grandmother. I immediately aligned with her. I love the I love Yeah.

Unknown: 13:13

It was just like, I knew that it was a God thing. Like, I was like, okay, you know. And two weeks later, I got a job transfer. I was like, Okay, God. Like, if you're gonna make this really work, you know, like, if this is really meant to be, yeah, I called San Antonio, my bank, who was also on San Antonio. I called them, and I said, I would love a job transfer. They're like, Yeah, we have. The only position we have available is your position. I was like, what? Divide

Natalie: 13:40

intervention?

JJ: 13:41

Don't challenge the Lord. Don't say, show me.

Unknown: 13:44

He will show you. Oh, he made it very clear. And I was like, Okay, I am leaving. And I, like, told my dad, like, I'm moving to San Antonio. And he's like, What? Like, it was just like, boom. Like, so quickly. And I will say that six months later from that, from the day we met Jake and I got married. I mean, we just knew that we were like it. We knew that this was it, right? Um, little did we know how challenging this would be when you really, really don't get, you know, six months is pretty quick, right? I wouldn't promote that, right? I mean, of course, if it's God led, then that for us it was. We were like, Hey, this is it. You know, if we want to make this happen, we got to make it work like we we need to be blessed by getting married. You know, we want to be blessed if we get married. So it is, that's kind of now we're going on seven years.

Natalie: 14:32

Oh, wow. Okay, so I know we need to take a break because bank we're getting the numbers off our head. Excited. Okay, she forgot to start it's no big deal. Okay, so we're gonna take a break, we're

JJ: 14:43

gonna come right back, and we're gonna come right back

Natalie: 14:45

because there's more.

Unknown: 14:48

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JJ: 16:03

all right, everybody, we're back and we're here with crystal lane. I get to ask the first question, do it okay? So hardest. So What year was this that you all met and got married? Yeah,

Unknown: 16:15

so we met in 2017 and we got married in 2018 so

JJ: 16:22

he his injury occurred in 2011 so my first question is, when did you when did you realize that he was a double amputee, like, when did you realize because you're at the gym? So when did you see that and during that time, that six months before you all get married, tell me about the role that that plays the military, how all that is going through your head, because in six months you're getting married. What about

Unknown: 16:46

that? Yeah. So after he, um, gave me that compliment, and, you know, you know, I said, Oh, thank you, right? And he walked away, that was actually, you know, the time where I kind of did a head to toe check, right? You have to check personnel, right? Story, real. So it was just a natural instinct for me to, like, look, follow my eyes, followed him. So I was like, Oh. I was like, I literally whispered to my cousin. I was like, he ain't got no legs. Like, I was just like, I've never met and like, truthfully, I had never met anybody who was an amputee and wasn't asking for money. You know, they're out on the street. I mean, that's from where I grew up stereotypes. And that was, yeah, that is just automatic, right? That was kind of where my mind so seeing him at the gym and like, killing it and just like embracing it and just owning it, I was like, wow, like that, right? There was just so much courage for him to do that. So I was just amazed already after he walked away, and then we approached each other a second time, I was already like, you know, smiling at him. I was just so proud, like, even though I just met him, but I was just proud that he was there, yeah. So that's kind of where I realized it. And then six months is pretty quick, so the role of a caregiver didn't I guess I, I didn't own it yet, right? I was still kind of, we're in this lovey dovey stage of, like, getting to know each other, and he didn't show when we were together right at the beginning and going on dates and stuff. He didn't show that, you know, if you will, needed a caregiver, right? Like, it was like he was just, you know, this macho guy, and just like, oh, you know, I'm living my life and, and then it got real when, you know, we lived together, right? And it was like, Okay, this is life like, this is our every day. And I didn't know that when just going on dates. It was when we got married and I moved in, and everything happened that when I saw the wheelchair, I saw the ADA bathroom, I saw just things medically that he had, that I had to be aware of. And when I when we first, before we got married, he did lay out everything to me, like, this is XYZ, right? Like he had been on so many dates before that. You know, women would take advantage of him, and they would like run away, if you know, knowing what the truth of his, of his life behind the the handsome face, right? Like this is my life. And he said that he was so discouraged speaking to women because of those reasons, like it just they couldn't handle it. And mind you, I'm 22 years old, and the first thing that I said after he, like, literally Listen, was, like, giving me an opportunity to run before I commit, kind of thing, before we got married. And I my first thing I said was, like, That's it, you know, like, it wasn't a big deal. I don't know. I just was drawn to that. So it just kind of went from there. I was like, Okay, let's do this. And that's kind of when we were like, Okay, we're getting married. Well, let

Natalie: 19:55

me ask you this. So let's go back to where you're from. Let's talk about. Your Some lived experience, because you were, you were a puppy when you met him, but that's because I'm old, and so 22 is kind of young ish, right? But when you think about I've got a relative who's from Brownsville, so I didn't realize you were from Brownsville. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I bet you all know each other. And so I'm like, probably because I know it's a small town, small area, but um, you know, is there care in your family? Is that a part of how you were raised? Did you have a family that supported one another? Did you have your, you know, you you mentioned your grandmother. And so, if that's an important person in your life, is that a you know what I mean. So did you have, do you think that you were raised with a caring heart?

Unknown: 20:41

I will 1,000% agree. So my grand, my grandfather, was in the Marines. He served, and when he came back, he wasn't wounded like JP, but it's still long term. It became a long term thing when he as he got older, he needed care, and my grandmother was the one who cared for him every single day. And you know, it got to the point where he had to be in a wheelchair because he had a brain aneurysm, and it all was actually related with what happened to him. So, you know, my grandma had to take in that role to be a caregiver, and I saw it every day. So in my family, my culture, we're very close. We just everybody's together. So my our house was actually, like, right behind my grandmother's house. So every day I actually had to walk through my grandmother's house to get to my house in the back. And so it was very small house. We were five people living in a two bed, one bath, and that's where I was raised. And so we were so close. And then I by the time I got older, and I realized when my grandmother was doing the responsibility that she just took and knew that, you know, I knew in marriage, like through signature health, and I saw that every day. And so I think having a I we call it a servant heart, right to know, to serve others. And I do carry that on my sleeve, because that's who, whoever I'm around, I want to care for them. So yes, I will say that that was a natural instinct for me to say, Yes,

Natalie: 22:10

I love that, and just so for our audience, because I don't think our audience may know, you know, JP was injured in combat, and so was when you met JP had, he was he discharged from the military at that point when you had met him. Yeah,

Unknown: 22:28

yeah. So JP had, when he got injured in 2011 he was in a coma for six weeks. He was hospitalized for a year and one day once, he was released from Walter Reed to go to to a burn unit in the VA in San Antonio. So that's what actually brought him to San Antonio. He didn't have any relatives or family there. They just said, Hey, we want to send you to the best medical care. And he's like, okay, rich one. And they said, Nancy, which is San Antonio for the prosthetics. And so he's like, okay, ship me there, right? So they sent him out there, and that's how his recovery process started. So that's how you actually end up in San Antonio.

Natalie: 23:04

I do love a love story. I love that you guys were really meant to meet each other, like I love some divine intervention, because you were meant the path that you're on is the path that you're you should be on. So, so you guys, you're dating for the six months, you sort of see it, but you don't, because he's kind of protective still, because that's a lot for especially a man you know even different than a female, because females even people, and he's military, so he's, he's probably a man's man. If he's going to golf's gym and everybody knows his name, he's walking around like he owns it. He's, he's owned his he's not gonna let his disability define him as what I hear you telling me, and so it's just gonna be a part of who he is, not what he is. And so you're dating, and then you're getting married. And so now, because I know you guys have been married for for seven years, so what? Once you get into that marriage, then and you see more, and you're like, holy cow. Tell us a little bit about how that works. Tell us. Tell us about, you know, and I know, you know. I'm not saying, Oh, tell us all the worst parts, but the good, the bad and the maybe the unexpected. Like, I didn't expect that as a caregiver, because you're still a puppy.

Unknown: 24:19

Yes, I so after we got married, and that was kind of a wake up call, that's when I knew that, you know, it wasn't the everyday duty of a wife to do right when you get married, like we have our roles, right as wife and husband and whatever they may be for people in their marriage, but as a caregiver, the list is longer, right? I mean, there's just more that we do. And I, you know, I was so immediately caring, like, if he needed something, like, I wouldn't even allow him to ask, like, I would just get up and do it, because I knew he was about to get up. So I was, like, super extra because, again, I wasn't aware of, like, boundaries, self identity, self control, like, what he's capable of. Doing, like, Don't baby him. Don't be his mom. I mean, the list goes on. I wasn't aware of all these things that a caregiver. Now I know, but at first I was like, Oh, let me do this. Let me do this. And I'm like, running around. I mean, doing everything for him and serving him to make sure that he is well, that, you know, that he doesn't get sick. I mean, the list goes on of his medical conditions with prosthetics you have to wash. We call them liners that he wears inside the sockets for the prosthetics so it doesn't bottom out, is what we say. Because sometimes they swell, depending on the weather. If he has nerve pain, I mean, at night, when the weather changes right, he'll have nerve pain that just goes from the hips down to the end of the nub, is what we say, where the amputation ends, which he is an AKB, K, which means above the knee, below the knee. So his amputations don't match. So when he's in pain, I mean, he can barely put he doesn't even put on his prosthetic. So then the wheelchair comes in and I'm pushing him around. And when he's home, he's kind of, obviously, he has upper body strength. He is pretty independent at home. But there's just times that if we need to go to the grocery store, or if I have to take him to the VA a point, any VA appointments, I mean that again, the list of things I need to do to make sure, like, I am lifting, you know, on five one, right? I'm lifting a wheelchair out of the trunk, putting it onto the side, helping him get in the vehicle. Like, I've even carried him on my back, because if there's not an ADA safe zone for him to wheel around, I literally carry the wheelchair up, carry him on my back, and then, like, put him around to make sure he's safe. So I've done things like that, that I wasn't, like, you know, things I didn't know that I was going to be capable of doing. So it's and the list goes on right, but it's just when you when you're 22 years old, those are things you're thinking, I remember my so called friends back then, where they were, like, you're really gonna, like, commit to being with somebody, like, for the rest of their life, and caring for them for the for the rest of your life. And I was like, Yeah, I want to, like, it was just something that I was so drawn to say yes, and I just knew I wasn't aware of to the extent of how much I was going to do. But now that I know it, after so many years, I am just so blessed and honored that I get to do it. And so complaining does no good. So now I just embrace that I'm, you know, that I'm able to do it.

JJ: 27:31

Here's a question. So we have so many people that talk about they they have to define that caregiver role and their role as a wife and you went into it kind of every you've got all of it, but how do you keep those two separate? Because we did. We had a great guest. Remember charisma, Sid nor and she did the same thing where she married her husband, Cole after his injury, and he's in a wheelchair, but she talked about how she was able to define that wife role, because she needed to be a wife. That's who she married. Was her husband. How do you do that? How? Tell me a little bit about that being a wife.

Unknown: 28:09

Yeah. So at first, it is challenging, for sure, because I always imagine, like me putting a physical hat, and it says, like wife on it, and then, like, putting a caregiver hat, and that role just kind of goes on top. So I imagine me doing that every time I'm about to take the role. So I just learned how to take the hat off, right? That's the way I kind of describe it. But it was sending setting boundaries to know, like, Hey, this is what a wife. This is me coming in as your wife, and it, and we have a joke now that we say, because he's like, Oh, I'm gonna ask my caregiver to do it. You know? I hope that I'm gonna have my wife to do it, because I'll say no as a caregiver, right?

Natalie: 28:47

I really like, well, you know what he's got, he's got swag, because he totally rolled up on her at the gym and was like, She's the best. And when I'm like, Dude, that is the best pick of life. I cannot wait to

Unknown: 28:59

meet you guys in DC. Oh, gonna be so much fun. But yeah, he'll be like, Oh, that's my executive director to do it for me. And I'm like, Oh, my goodness. So he is just funny. I mean, he makes, I want to say also that he makes life so much better because he isn't dwelling on it. He's mentally tough, spiritually strong. I mean, those things help so much in the caregiver life, knowing that the warrior who I'm taking care of is so full of joy, and he just makes we make fun of ourselves, right? And it just makes caregiving so much light, and just brings so much light into our life that it makes it fun for me to enjoy. So at the beginning, it was rough, and when I put on those hats and take them off. It became a my identity, and that's where I struggle with at the beginning, and that's why I talk about identity so much. Because, you, I lost myself. I lost who Crystal was. If someone said, What's your favorite color or and I'm like, I would say everything. JP, would say, I mean, literally, like, I was one with Him. You. And I would, they were like, what do you do for fun? And I'm like, oh, JP, and I go, so and so and so. Right? Like, it was just always like, something we do to because we were, we're together, 24/7, but I still couldn't separate who Kristen was and what her passions were, what her purpose was in life. And that's kind of when I realized I literally prayed, and I said, God, who do you say I am? Who do you as as your child, your daughter, I'm like, how do I, you know, how I'm a child of God first, and then everything else. And that's when I kind of realized, okay, like our our plans will align. You know, there are going to align. But I we could still have our own, you know, our own mission in life, but they still come together at the end. And that's when I was like, Okay, this is, yeah, I got this, you know? And so I started separating. Like, Okay, Crystal, like, right now you're being a wife now, love on your husband, care for him in that way. And then, okay, Kristen, caregiver mode, like, the moment that he starts, like, feeling sick, or, you know, I need to, like, wash his liners. I got to check if he has any open wounds. You know, whatever I need to do, especially when we travel, caregiver mode is definitely always up on top, because it's like, traveling can be a pain sometimes, but I just make sure that he's good. And then, you know, if being a role is a friend, you know, just listening to him what he needs, and just kind of cheering him on, being that cheerleader for him as he's up on stage. Because, you know, as you know, we're not the regular couple, right? I mean, we just continued to travel all over the place to just share his testimony of what God's done in his life. And so we're, you know, we're in front of a lot of people, but we love that we that's kind of his way of continuing to serve. Yeah,

Natalie: 31:45

I love that. Hope she's paid past. I know I like JP, though too well. We didn't give him too much credit. No, because, honestly, it's her. It is, I mean, because you're the caregiver. But, I mean, so, I think you know, I know there have been some so you guys have, and I'm kind of stumbling over because I'm trying to think about how I want to say this, you guys have taken what has happened to him in his life, and you're going, and you're trying to bless it forward and say, you know, to encourage other people rather they've had this injury or not. Because, you know, I know you all go out and do have motivational speaking to say, hey, you can do this. And I know that you're also work with Helping A Hero. And they have been because they're ambassadors with Helping A Hero. And I do want you to tell me a little bit about that, because I think they came in and blessed your all's lives, and then you decided to bless him right back.

Unknown: 32:43

Yeah, so Helping A Hero is a great organization that builds adapted homes for those who've been wounded in combat. And JP actually received his own his home three years before we met. And so it was already but you know, he's the single guy right in this beautiful home that's completely Ada, which makes a life, of course, a lot easier at home to make sure that he can independently take care of himself to a certain extent. So it was a blessing, of course, to have a home that is fully Ada, from the doors to non slip floors to the under the sink in the kitchen, he can wheel his wheelchair underneath the microwave, being at eye level in his wheelchair, so he can get right to it and oven. That's also safe for him to get through our bathroom, you know, wheeling up into the wheelchair, all the way up into the to the bench that we have there, that it's that concrete bent that's safe for him, that with handlebars, right? I mean, the list goes on of how they think about every little detail in this home, and especially if they have a family. I mean, they they furnish this home completely, from every spoon in the drawer to every bedroom with every towel that's in the bathroom. I mean, it is amazing what they do. And so when he received his home, and I came in and he was already, you know, I guess in a marriage, right? It's kind of like you're set, right? You have a home, you now have a wife, right? Like, let's make this work. So it was a smooth transition for me in that aspect, um, but it's wild for me to even say that my like home where I grew up, which we had found it was like less than 700 square foot that, like, fit in our it could fit our garage, you know? Like, you're like, the for me, I'm like, oh my goodness, this is the mansion, right? Like, this is so nice. And it was just a blessing that healthy heroes done that countless times. And we just came back from Spring Texas last night to award another warrior, a home with Johnny Morris at from Bass Pro, and it was just amazing. He's a single leg amputee, and there's countless stories. You know, we know Shiloh, who's been burned from head to toe. You know, it's just we know Gabby, who was an Army medic, who got injured, and she's now paralyzed. And they're just countless of them. I. Out there that need homes to make their life easier for them and their families, and so we, we love representing them well,

Natalie: 35:07

and I need to take a break just real quick, because I need some more caregiver Aside from her. Okay, we're

Unknown: 35:12

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Natalie: 35:50

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JJ: 36:28

Alright, everybody. We are back here with crystal. We got more questions. I

Natalie: 36:33

know we're going to have to talk about her. Let's talk about her.

JJ: 36:36

Okay, Crystal,

Unknown: 36:38

so you've

JJ: 36:39

been married for 2018 six years. You're going on almost seven years. You're going to get there pretty soon. Is there anything when you look over it now, because you guys are doing some amazing work, like, I've, well, I've looked at this website. You guys have very so you guys are on it. They're moving and shaking, I know. And it's like, I've got, I look at my marriage, I'm like, Dude, if I, if I could have picked Brad Pitt, I might have gone that way. I don't know. Or maybe Joel Olsteen, I don't know. He's a nice guy. So is there anything that you feel like because of this caregiving role that you've missed out on? Is there anything that you've, you know you've like? Maybe I have a regret on this? That's a hard question, because, you know, JB might be listening, but tell me about that.

Unknown: 37:25

Yeah, so at the beginning, it was actually an idea that God downloaded. Because I was like, when I heard a story at first, right away, I was like, oh my goodness, you need to share your story, like out there. So JPA wasn't doing public speaking before we got together. JP did public speaking because when I came into the picture, I was like, hey, you need to share your story, the testimony that God's given you. Like, we need to go all over so I actually quit my job. And, yeah, it's I just was like, I'm gonna own this. I want you to go out there. And I quit my job. We created J P's journey. I because this is, I was like, it's your journey. Like, let's do this. And I literally owned it. And I was like, Okay, I'm gonna learn how to do invoices, how to do bookings. I don't know what I'm doing, right? I'm gonna learn how to reach so I did, like, 100 some cold 100 and I don't know how many cold calls a week. Like, hey, I have a phenomenal speaker. He has a powerful testimony. I would love for him to be in front of your audience. I mean, literally, cold call, cold emailed. And it finally took one church to say, okay, and I was like, oh my goodness, I got I I literally went up to him like, I got us our first gig. I hope you can speak. I really, I never like heard him share his story live before, right? So I was like, super like, I was just like, I hope you're ready. Like, this is it, you know? And it just like, went from there and so that busy life had really, like, that's when I just, I was like, God's given me the gift to talk to people, to help others. But I did feel at the beginning like, oh my goodness, if I did not marry JP, where would my life be? Right? Kind of reflect over like, Okay, if this did not happen, if I didn't meet him at the gym, if I, if I would have just made the team, that would have just changed everything, like, if I actually went there to pursue my my dream, and that's when I knew that that wasn't God's dream, right? Like, I knew that, like, that was my flesh pursuing a dream that God knew. Like, hey, we need to reroute you this way because you're getting distracted with the ways of the world and you. And God's like, I have you on this mission. So it was just instantly when I knew, like, at the beginning it was, it was a struggle to accept that, because I'm like, oh, 22 years old, I'm about to be like a wife and a caregiver, and I'm about to just, you know, just own it. And it was a struggle, but as I embraced it, right? I embraced the gift, the gifts that God's given me, I've embraced the talents that he's showing me, that I'm capable, that I didn't know that I was capable. And now I'm here 29 like, you know, a lot of people are like, oh my goodness, you're still. So young. How do you do that? How do you know so much? And I'm just so grateful that I could say, like, literally, like, I seek wisdom from God to teach me and show me the way. So now we're here, and now I'm like, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Natalie: 40:12

You know, she's an old soul. She's an old soul. You are an old soul in a young body. You you very much are because you have the a lot of wisdom that you've gained, and You sound very similar to the wisdom of some of our from when we did the caregiving youth series. Yeah, that that experience and the way that you grew up, and it's, it's how your culture and your background has influenced who you are today that really has prepared you for the role that you're in, and I think that says that's a truly beautiful thing. Let me ask you a question, because you meant you mentioned something about the friends I know that for Jason and I, when so my husband's a head and neck cancer survivor, there are some friends that we lost and couldn't handle that, and yours is a different situation. And so you know, did you I know that probably some friends looked at you and said, Are you really going to do that? Because you mentioned that friends lost, thoughts on that, and not about anybody in specific. But I mean, did it happen? Did it happen to you? Yeah, I

Unknown: 41:24

did it, for sure. Did the, you know, dance world that I'm in, right? There's dancers from all different types of backgrounds, and they went to go and pursue that, you know? And I was just like, No, I I read your and they're like, what you've been dancing like, your whole life. You're about to just drop it all for him, you know? And I was just like, yeah, that I feel like that's what I'm supposed to do. Like, and they just couldn't. They were like, Oh, I would never do that, you know. Like, immediately they weren't, they weren't like, oh, we support you. Like, this is amazing, you know, no, not at all. There was, I had very, very small circle of friends. There are still two friends that I speak to from before I was a dance, you know, before I did pursue professional dancing, those are still my friends I still speak to now, which is amazing, but my dance friends that I thought were friends when I'm like, you know, 2021, when I met them, yeah, life was just so different for them, because they were like, you know, I had my first drink when I was 21 and we're, you know, we're drinking, we're going clubbing, right? Like, that's the life we like, we're dancers, like we had people come with us, like you couldn't come talk to us, because we're dancers, right? Like we were in this little clique, and we're, you know, we thought we were so cool, right? And it just that was a life they wanted to continue to pursue, and that wasn't the life I wanted. Like when I turned 22 I met JP three weeks later, so in the month of July, I met JP, my birthday is on July 6, and we met like the 22nd and I was just like, and immediately, when I turned 22 I literally kid you not. I was like, God, I don't want to live this life of like, drinking and partying, like, that's not me. Like, I was 22 and I was like, No, I just I'm not. I want to get married and I want to like, I have like, notes that I should go find, because I remember praying for my future husband like, Lord, I want, I want him to have a blessed day. Like, I just kept writing like, this is what I want to do. Want to do, and three weeks later, like, it was just so clear, right? Of course. JP comes in with a joke, and it's like, oh yeah, you pray. You're like, Lord please, even if he doesn't have any legs if, Okay, hello. I really like him

Natalie: 43:39

because he can. I love self deprecating humor. That's me, you know, that is, that is so funny. You know, I'll say this though, I think that. I think you guys really were meant for each other. You were answer prayers for each other. And, you know, we don't go, we don't talk about his story as much. But I think JP had quite the journey before he got to you. And I think, you know, they always say, I think it's lobsters. I think you're just lobster. Yeah, for sure. See horses to see horses mate for life. So let me ask you this before we go to sister questions, because we're gonna have to go to sister questions here in just a second. I don't remember if I told you about Sister questions, but they're the best. So, um, you know, when you think about it, you know, you went into this, and a lot of people would want to run the different direction for somebody who has a different ability. A lot of people would say, So, what would be things, words of advice that you would give to other people who are considering dating someone or considering marrying. What are things that you would say, Hey, let me tell you something. Oh, and here's some things you might want to know about the military while you're at it too, right?

Unknown: 44:50

For sure? Um, yeah, it's very different, like I say. JP, is a different breed because, you know, you have pins served. You know, he served in the military, then he got. Wounded, you know, he came back different, right? And now it's like he's recovered, and it's like, I always say, he's a different breed. And it takes a special person to love someone who served in the military, and it really does, because we, we can't, we don't understand, you know, everything that they you know, pretty much 90 90% of the things that they've seen and done, especially if they've been in the combat zone. And so I think making sure that you know who you are first before you know that you're about to commit and become one with somebody else. Because you will, I will say this, you will lose who you are in the process if you're not firm in what you want and what you're going to do in life. But with that, I still say that allow God to lead you, because, you know, when you think you have a dream of one way God will literally 180 say this is the way you need to go. And I wasn't, you know, I just embraced it at as as I got older and I learned, you know, and we had our trials. We went up and down, you know, I share this with others that JP after JP and I, after a year and a half of being married, and some of my family, if they're listening, and they've never heard me say this, but we almost got divorced, and nobody knew, nobody knew that JP was ready to end our marriage, because he was like, this, this is hard, right? I can't do this. And, and I was like, Oh my goodness. Like, this is crazy. Like, I've never seen this side of him. And we had to separate for a little bit because we again, we had to go back to this is, like, this is what we want, this is what we're going to do. And we chose each other for a reason. And so we had to be reminded of why we were together first. And it took that to kind of do a refresher. So like, don't even if you lose yourself in the process of becoming one with someone, you got to stop and reflect like, Hey, we're together for a reason. Now let's find that reason again, because we'll, we'll forget that over time. And so now we're going, you know, going strong on seven years, and we wouldn't have been able to see that. We would have just throw in the towel, and I tell people, like, Hey, I've learned, like, listening to so many marriages, and they, you know, and you know, when you find the one if, even if it's your third husband or wife, right? Like, I get that, because God will lead people to you, I said, but if I always say, like, If married, if marriage were easy, everybody would stay married. And, and it's not, it takes a lot of work. And so that's what we had to we we had to quickly learn as a young couple, hey, this is going to take a lot of work. We're going it's going to be very painful, but you'll get through it together.

Natalie: 47:30

I think that's probably the most sage advice, and in that sense too. And in Kristen, the fact that you guys can, you can see that. I mean, you are a small package, but you are very mighty, and I don't think he knew what he was really getting you open

JJ: 47:46

her confetti shoots out like, yeah, no, lie to you.

Natalie: 47:49

And honestly, she does remind me of of Gracie. And because I know where you come from and that that spirit and that determination, I don't see you as a quitter, and I don't see you allowing him to either. Uh huh, that's what I thought. And so

Unknown: 48:10

it was tough, because when he, um, it's crazy. You say that. Because when we first were going through, like a separation and life was happening, I literally told him, I'm like, you go on stage, because that time, he's already doing public speaking, right? He's already telling everybody, don't give up, and like, don't you know, you gotta stay for he's already motivating him with their story of how he's overcome so much you adapt and overcome. I mean, he literally like those messages. He should be in the audience, right? When he's saying all these things, because we're going through a separation. And I'm like, when you go out for he said this, he said, In the military, he's like, we train and train and train to get ready for combat. And he's like, this is my mission. Like I need to, I can't give up. Like, I need to, like, as much as I pour into the military, everything that they taught me, I have to embrace that in my marriage, like me to train and train and train. I was like, Yeah, you don't give up, right? Like, so we weren't, you are 100% right. We aren't. We weren't going to give up on each other. And even though he's, you know, for a moment, it took a moment for him to kind of like, oh my goodness, what am I doing? Like, I can't give up, you know. And it took a lot, because it took a lot for me to go back and just pray on my knees. I'm like, Lord, what do you want me to do? And he's like, I got. He's like, I got. JP, let's work on you. And I was like, Okay, let's work on me. Right? What do I need to change? You know? What do I need to do to love Him the way I need to love him, the way you see him. Like, help me see him, the way you see him. And it took that much for me to be like, Okay, I got this. So it, it was a lot of learning, for sure, we learned from other couples, of course, that had been there and done that, yeah. Oh, trust

Natalie: 49:47

me, if everyone listen to this, if they're married or have been married, and if you will be married, you should listen to this, because marriage isn't easy and and when you throw in caregiving on top of it. Tested my own marriage, and it and it's tested our marriage differently with related to supporting our mom. JJ, especially just because at some point they want to be seen. Our spouses want to be seen. Yours is a different situation because you're caring for your spouse. But I mean Jason, every now and then. Has to remind me. He was like, Okay, you do not. I'm not the employee. Like, you're not my boss.

Unknown: 50:27

Like,

Natalie: 50:28

well, don't act like, you know, I'm like, I need you to be more compliant. You know, this is, I can't believe our time is already up, because I love crystal. But, you know, the best part is, we've got sister questions that we're going to do real quick, and we're going to get to we're going to get to meet her and JP, because we have a special series with PBS that we're doing that's coming out in November, and you'll get to meet JP. I cannot wait, I know, because they'll be telling their story too. But okay, so Jay, what's okay? Go ahead. Okay.

JJ: 50:54

So here it is. I want to make sure that we get to hear what JP journey and what the JP Lane foundation is, I want to make sure first of all, so tell us just a little bit about that, and where we can find more information about it. It'll be in our show notes and everything, but tell me a little bit about it. Yeah, of course.

Unknown: 51:10

So JPS journey.com is our website that's actually where, if you like, to book JP for a public speaking event for a non profit corporate. You know, he's even spoken at presents. And so we just, we do it all any type of audience, because he can relate it to anybody about overcoming in life. And so we have that website for that, and for and for his book called walking again, which is also something we pursued after we got married. I was like, you have to write, you have to put it in a book. I mean, your story is so impactful. And so we did. We made it happen. And he's also a singer, which is, again, crazy story, and you'll hear more about how God literally saved his saved his voice, because he had a tracheotomy done and they damaged his vocal cords. And was like, No, you're you just won't be able to sing. And he is a gift of the voice of an angel, and so we also have that for the website. And the Jake and Ling foundation is something that we just recently started. It's not public yet. We're in the developing stage. It's really, really new, but we are tax exempt already. We'll soon be asking for donations, but this is for a marriage retreat. We actually want to help veterans, first responders and their spouses, because we knew how much tools that we that we missed the opportunity we didn't get any. And we want to be able to supply that and help that and learn. And we wouldn't be teaching the class. It would be, of course, you know, counselors and pastors who kind of live there, been there to provide those tools, but we just want to be able to support it and find and make these retreats and bring couples together to learn from each other, because we went on a marriage retreat called OHA operation, you are patriot, that's ran by Franklin Graham and the family, and it was so impactful. It really did save our that was the turning point for our marriage, when we actually got to learn some tools. And so we want to be able to provide that and just kind of pay it forward. They're

Natalie: 53:02

always giving for others. They're serving hearts. Man telling you, all right, okay, so Kristen, I have the best question, what is your favorite guilty pleasure, the thing that you do just for you. And I remember you saying that people would ask you questions and you would have J pace answer. What do you love? Just for you that you hold right in a bubble?

Unknown: 53:26

Oh, wow. So now I have so many, oh, no,

Natalie: 53:29

that's a good that's a really good character. Like, now I have a lot showed them,

Unknown: 53:34

yeah, because I'm like, self care was so hard. And, you know, I actually looked it up today. It said, like, one out of three people feel guilty to spend time for themselves. And it's so true, because I felt that way too. At the beginning, I was like, no, no, I can't do that. JP, comes first. Like, everything about JP, like, even if I wasn't ready, or I need to make sure he was ready first. Like, I need to make sure he was fed first. I need to make sure, I mean, I did everything for him. I mean, of course, I still serve Him and feed him and, you know, do the things that I know I need to do, but it was just like I had no time for myself, you know, and I didn't make time for myself because I did have time, I just didn't make it, right? And so there's a difference real life. There's a difference, huge, huge difference. Yeah, so self care was super important. Now, I really do promote self care because I'm like, I need time alone. I need time to know what crystal wants to do. So I would say I love getting a massage, that's for sure. Oh, that's, I love watching, like, there's like, a show. That's I love. Like, like, crying. I don't know why. I think maybe it's a military Oh, my God, are

Natalie: 54:38

you first 48 like, first 48 Date Line. Are you thinking, like, crime shows? Are

Unknown: 54:43

you talking about cops? Yeah,

Natalie: 54:45

I'm totally No, no

Unknown: 54:46

time about crime Yeah. But shows that I'm like, just get my attention, you know, kind of like the suspense and the drama, you know. But yeah, I just like, binge watch. Sometimes, if he's already asleep, that's kind of, I'm like, go to bed, babe. Hurry up. Get. So then I like, have my own time. She watches crime. I watches Hallmark. It's

Natalie: 55:04

totally fine. I love crowded too, though. Like, I love me some first 48 and Dateline. I'm shameless on promoting right now, but I don't even care, because I'm like, and then what happened? Because I'm always trying to not get killed. And so I feel like, if I watch that, it's like research, so that I will not do that thing, right,

Unknown: 55:25

right?

JJ: 55:26

Crystal, you are absolutely amazing. We are. I'm so looking she's

Natalie: 55:30

our newest sister. She is. We have the shortest sister too. So she'll make you look tall.

JJ: 55:34

She will. You will make me look tall. That's true, because I'm the shortest, that's right. But I'm so looking forward to everything that you are doing, and just keeping my eye out on the JP Lane Foundation, just, they're just doing all kinds of stuff. I didn't wait

Natalie: 55:47

this year. Yeah, I know. So guys, thank you so much for listening to heroes, caring for heroes, and we're again grateful to our friends at CVS Health and Tena and then also the Fisher House Foundation, that's where we recording our PBS special as well as summit behavioral health care. They're doing great work too. And so we thank all these folks. So crystal, we will see you at the end of the month, guys. And so we confess again, we will see you next time bye bye. Well, friends, that's a wrap for today's educational episode. Thank you for listening to our special series, heroes, caring for heroes. And don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our monthly newsletter. Sign up for the free sisterhood advantage discount club. And, of course, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Tiktok, Twitter and Pinterest. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube Channel. We'll see you next time when we confess again. Till then, take care of you. Okay, let's talk disclaimers. We are not medical professionals and are not providing any medical advice. If you have medical questions, we recommend that you talk with a medical professional of your choice, as always, my sisters and I at confessions of our reluctant caregiver, have taken care in selecting the speakers, but the opinions of our speakers are theirs alone. The views and opinions stated in this show are solely those of the contributors and not necessarily those of our distributors or hosting company. This podcast is copyrighted and no part can be reproduced without the express written consent of the sisterhood of care LLC, thank you for listening to The Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast. You.