Kids Kicking Cancer: Empowering Children to Find their Power, Peace, and Purpose

Kids Kicking Cancer's work is vital in supporting families navigating the complexities of chronic illness.  KKC empowers children with chronic illnesses and their families through the power of martial arts and breathwork. Founder and International Director Rabbi Elimelech Goldberg “Rabbi G” shares his deeply personal story that led to the creation of Kids Kicking Cancer and the organization's remarkable growth from 10 children in 1 facility to over 126 facilities across 10 countries.

Rabbi G, alongside Global Program Director Cindy Cohe, explains the organization's distinctive method - using therapeutic martial arts techniques to assist children in handling pain and stress. KKC also promotes a sense of purpose, peace, and community. Kids Kicking Cancer values the family unit as a whole, offering support not only to the child in treatment but also to siblings, parents, and other caregivers. We discuss the difficulties faced by caregiving youth and stress the significance of establishing a supportive network for these often-overlooked individuals. 

They go on to share about The Heroes Circle Pediatric Healing Program, which teaches martial arts meditation, non-contact movement, and breathing techniques designed to empower children to take control of the pain and stress of their illness. Their evidence-based program is taught in-person and virtually by black belt Therapeutic Martial Arts Instructors and is provided to families at no cost. Children 3 years and older with ANY pediatric illness, and their siblings, are eligible for the program.  

Social Media: 

Website: https://heroescircle.org/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kidskickingcancer 

Instagram: @kidskickcancer

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/company/kids-kicking-cancer

Twitter: x.com/kidskickcancer

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/KidsKickingCancer

Books/E-Book/Resource: https://a.co/d/0bs6YgyG

Transcript

Natalie: 0:02

Music, Hey folks, it's your favorite sisters here with the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast. This episode is part of our special series caregiving youth hidden in plain sight. We're partnering with my care friends to feature organizations who offer services and support to millions of our youngest caregivers worldwide. Now let's listen in as we learn more about these amazing organizations. My favorite brother, my favorite sister. Oh my gosh. This is fantastic. I am so excited to welcome our listeners to our specialty series, caregiving youth hidden in plain sight. This is our educational series, and the sisters have included their brother who is collaborating. Our brother is, of course, the amazing Todd Keats with my care friends, and Todd is going to be joining me. I am sister Natalie, just a sister, not not religious there and so, but we are here with the confession Specialty Series and Todd, we are thrilled to have you join us to collaborate in this special series. Wow,

Todd: 1:20

gosh. After such an introduction, I'm I'm kind of speechless, but, you know, I won't be.

Natalie: 1:28

We're giving JJ a break on this one. Notice that it says, My screen says favorite sister. That's because JJ is not on here.

Todd: 1:35

You guys are my favorite sisters. Which one is one and one a but after knowing you guys for for quite a while at this point, and doing this program together is exciting, and I'm excited to be here on behalf of my care friends and the partner with you and confessions. So yeah, but even more excited than that, I'm sorry to say, I'm just sorry to say we're here today for this incredible program with Rabbi G and Cindy from kids kicking cancer, and we're going to be talking to them today about caregiving youth, and we're also going to have them talk about their hero circle. So I think, without further ado, because we really don't have to talk anymore about us, do we? No,

Natalie: 2:24

I think everybody, I mean, they all love us already. So I think everybody actually wants to know about this amazing resource with kids kicking cancer. And so I think we just jump right into questions. And so I'm going to start with Rabbi G if that's okay. Basically, we're the Oprah of this rabbi. G Thank you, Cindy, thank you for being with us. We are thrilled to have you.

Unknown: 2:47

What an honor to be here. I'm actually there's a brother and a sister. We're a second cousin, three times removed on a neighbor's side, but family, Natalie, getting to know you and Todd have been really a privilege, and God willing. You know what? Rabbi G? You know, my real name is Goldberg, but I go by g because I don't want it to sound too Jewish. But the this whole thing of confession, we don't do the confession thing, yeah, but we don't either. But we do know that the caregiving part is really the essence where every human being was created, both to care and sometimes even harder to be cared for, and the ability to provide tools, especially in this world of hyper stress, to provide tools for caregivers, to allow them to know that they're not alone, to allow them to know that their challenges are normal for the abnormal situations which they face, like Viktor Frankl used to say, to respond in an aberrant way to an aberrant situation is perfectly normal, but giving people strengths, and that's what you guys do. And I'm really big fans of your program and of you, and it's such a pleasure to get to know you.

Natalie: 4:18

Oh, thank you so much. And so you know, actually a little bit before we get started, Rabbi G tell me about what you do, what's your position, and then Cindy, if you'll, let us know what your position is in the organization.

Unknown: 4:30

So I am the founder and the director of kicking cancer, slash the hero circle, which is an organization that started in Detroit, Michigan with 10 kids, Children Hospital of Michigan in 1999 and today, we have the privilege of seeing children in 126 facilities in 10 countries. And I'm sure, after this podcast, has probably become 20 countries. And you know, that was a. Facilities, because I know, I know the power of your reach. Natalie,

Natalie: 5:03

oh, thank you. And Cindy, tell us a little bit about what you do at the organization. Sure, and

Unknown: 5:08

thank you for having us. It's great to be on here today. I'm the Global Program Director, and basically what that means is that I, in my background, I come from a world of as a child life specialist, so my field of study, my focus is the psychosocial needs of children and families. So working with our kids kicking cancer organization, and I've been around with Rabbi G, we're founded in 99 I've been here since 2004 so a few years afterwards, but I've been here for almost 20 years, working with alongside Rabbi G and our amazing staff, and really making sure that all of our programming, no matter where we are, the quality everything that we do, really works for the needs of children and families. So infusing that into the therapeutic martial arts techniques that we are teaching the kids and families, I'm making sure all of that psychosocial realm and those needs and such are really met for everything that we do in all locations, whether it be here in Michigan, across the US or across the globe, in all the countries that we work with. And I'm very honored to partner with our martial artists that work alongside us to make this happen.

Todd: 6:17

That's a great segue to the first question. Thanks so much for sharing that both of you so So Rabbi G, you know, you're approaching the 25th year since starting kids kicking cancer. And I love this story, and I can't wait for you to tell everybody. Tell us, how did it all begin?

Unknown: 6:37

So if you do the math, it was 25 years ago. I was a boy of 12 at the time, not really I was kids kicking cancer began because the wonderful present that my wife and I received from heaven of having a beautiful little girl born to us, unfortunately, a week before her first birthday, she was diagnosed With a ll with leukemia, which today is a very, very treatable children's disease. It wasn't the same thing in 1981 she was an amazing, amazing little girl during a bone marrow transplant at UCLA, right before her second birthday, she would tell the docs in the hospital, no medication today, please and tell the five year old kids in the clinic not to cry. Number of years after she passed away, I found myself directing a camp for children with cancer in New York State, for those of your listeners who are not aware, New York is very close to the United States, and I came upon a five year old child having his port access for his chemotherapy in the infirmary. And this little child was screaming something awful, and he had to see the scene. Two nurses are pinning him down. A third nurse has a large syringe to plunge into his chest. I also have the privilege of being a clinical assistant professor in pediatrics, so I use a lot of big words. I don't know what they mean, but they sound really cool. We used to teach in medical school that pain is a regulatory messaging, and no susceptive messaging in the body that just goes you stub your toe. It goes from the toe to your brain. The brain processes, it goes back to your toe and finished. And then there's a thing called psychogenic pain, but has nothing to do with no susceptive pain, with this neurological process. And then we began to realize that ain't true. If a person's afraid, and this is so important for caregivers to know person's afraid, they're angry, they're despondent, the actual pain messaging goes up significantly. So here I am watching this five year old kid being pinned down. He's gonna have an awful experience getting this syringe plunge into his chest. And for kids, that's trauma. For adults, it could be traumatic as well. And he's screaming something. It was so counter. I just yelled, wait. And they all stopped, even the kids stopped screaming, and they looked at me, and frankly, I didn't have a clue what I was going to say next. I just approached the nurses and I said, could you give me five minutes with this child? And the nurses were happy to leave, and the kid looked at me like I was the governor. I just stayed his execution. And somehow, you know, God, put the thought into my mind, and I approached this child. Then I said, you know, I'm a black belt, which doesn't mean much, but to a little kid, so Wow. So you want me to teach you some karate? Almost jumped off the table and explained to him, in the martial arts, you learn that pain is a message. You don't have to listen. You could breathe in this amazing chi, this energy, this light, and push out the pain and really take control over that pain. Watch me. Five minutes later, we're doing a simple Tai Chi breathing technique that we have now transformed into our patented breath break. 20 minutes later, they pulled the needle out, they looked up at the nurse, and he said, Did you do it yet? And that's when kids kicking can. She was born. That was the very beginning.

Natalie: 10:02

And it's grown. It's grown to you guys have grown to providing 100 services in 126 facilities across 10 countries. What is the secret you know? The C i Everybody wants to know the secret sauce to your success. Honestly, what do you what would you say that is we

Unknown: 10:23

have learned so much from the children in when I lecture and I do Grand Rounds frequently, and I we teach a lot of teachers, as well as psychosocial service and clinicians. Even though I left the active rabbinate, my greatest joy in life is to myself speak. So I take every opportunity. So in our what we have learned from the children is consonant with what we understand neurologically about the brains of children, the amygdala, the place that processes anxiety, fear, exhilaration, the lower part of the brain is extremely precocious in a child, the dlpfc, right over here, the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, real executive thinking, processing. We used to think it was a matter of mass, but now it's a matter of networking and myelation. It ain't developed yet, until a child's around 2223 years old, that's not really fully functioning, and if they go into politics, it never develops.

Natalie: 11:27

That's absolutely true, as evidenced by as we know.

Unknown: 11:33

So to talk to children about what's good for them, what's nutritious, what's healthy, wellness, resilience, all of that. It's beautiful, but it doesn't register. The word power allowing a child to be a powerful martial artist, that's an amygdala term we get them right at go, because that's where their brain starts, at go. And the ability to train these children that they can take control give them empowerment over pain and to give them a sense of ability to use that breath to calm themselves, and they could feel it and then provide them with purpose. And that's our mantra, power, peace, purpose. No matter what they're facing in their life, they can breathe in this light, use that to relax their body, which makes significant neurological impact. When we ask the kids, what's your purpose, they allow to teach the world. Every one of our kids becomes a teacher. We started our program in London, Ontario. We just got an award to a young man who's graduating high school, who started with us when he was like three years old, and he was getting surgery when he was five in Toronto, in Canada. And they came in and they were ready to anesthetize him and to calm him down, to sedate him while they wanted to do a drug, a blood draw. And he sits up and he says, no, no, you don't understand. I'm a powerful martial artist. I'm going to teach you how to breathe. You don't have to do that. And he started teaching how to do our breath break. I got a call from the head of the hospital in London, Ontario, where he's normally treated. That week, it spread around to all the way back home, and said, What's going on with this pro what are these kids doing? They're teaching us. When the children become teachers, when we give them purpose. And today, the evidence of purpose on the impact of disease is significant, significant. So the one we we evidence everything we're doing, we have a booklet that has 12 published articles, many of them in peer reviewed medical journals. We've done neurological FMRIs to evidence the changes we've made in the brains of the children and publish them in journals of pain medicine, et cetera, et cetera, letting the children know that they have the ability to teach others. We always tell them, Go home and teach mom and dad, etc. That's powerful, and that's our secret sauce. The children are in the center of everything we do. They're the heroes. They're the teachers. They're the source of power, disease for a child, even the children have to become caregivers for others. It takes away their sense of control over their lives by allowing them simple regulatory tools and wrapping them in the martial arts packaging allows the children to feel their power, change their brains and change their ability to take whatever mission they have to make it important, impact health, impact families, and that you turn that over on both sides after 10 minutes of in that sauce. Man, you've got a powerful, powerful, delicious flavor. Mm. Thank you. That's

Todd: 15:00

incredibly powerful and incredible that our audience now knows all of that, because I have a feeling that was an educational moment for a lot of folks since so I want to go over to Cindy. Cindy, you've had a lifetime professional experience helping sick children their families, and so how did you come upon this organization and Rabbi, G Sure.

Unknown: 15:24

Great question. Todd, yes. So I, as I mentioned before, my background is in Child Life. I ran a Child Life program for many years at a hospital here in Michigan, and I heard about a program, and when I, when I say I ran a Child Life program, I It's interesting, because Child Life has grown throughout the years. And when I was working in this program, I was a one person program, so I really worked hospital wide, in pediatrics, peds, ICU, our sub specialty clinics, and one of the areas that I worked with as well were children of adult patients. So ICU would call me and they say, Hey, we have this young parent and they've got young kids, or we have a parent and they have young kids. Can you come up and help us with explaining what's going on with them, or in the oncology unit or in the rehab unit? So working with children and families across the hospital sphere, we had just started a new hemonc program and oncology, hematology oncology subspecialty clinic, where we were partnering with one of our local children's hospitals. And around that time, and I was providing programming for the kids and families. Around that time, I heard about kids getting cancer in our community, that this was this new organization that was starting out in the metro Detroit community. So I called rabbi G called and said, hey, you know, would you be interested in coming to our hospital, could we talk about your program? Is it possible we could bring the program to the hospital where I was working at, and I have always been a huge proponent of partnering with resources out in the community to bring services to kids and families. I'm not a martial artist. I that's not a service and a skill set that I was able to provide for my kids and families that I worked with, but I understood the power of what that could bring, and I learned about the power of what that could bring to our kids and families by talking with Rabbi G and talking with a martial artist that worked with him at the time. So I, you know, worked, we worked together to bring the program to our hospital and start classes at the hospital where I worked at, and they were great. There's a fact, there's a photo up in Rabbi G's office that is of one of those. I see it in the back there of one of those first classes at the hospital where I was working at at the time. And that went on for a while, and then an opportunity came up to be able to come work with the kids kicking cancer organization, and I had been working with the child been running this Child Life program for about 18 years, and it was a nice opportunity to go from working in one hospital and one community type setting to come to A non profit setting that was able and what Ravi Gee was talking about was, let's look at trying to grow the program more within Michigan, and taking the hospital contacts and the knowledge that I knew in the world of Child Life, and partnering with different psychosocial professionals to be able to spread this program into other areas of Michigan, which then led to spreading throughout Michigan, which led to spreading throughout the US, which led to throughout

Natalie: 18:27

the different kind of went everywhere. Kind

Unknown: 18:29

of grew, kind of forgave us for stealing Cindy.

Natalie: 18:35

I get it. I get it, you know, you know, Cindy, that's so interesting. And, you know, it's, it's interesting, because you were, like, I was a team of one, and now you look at the impact that you're having on such a on a global like this global opportunity has got to feel great. I mean, honestly, that's a personal and professional kind of mission, accomplishment, thing that I know that you're really proud of. Let me ask you a question, sure, how does KKC view the family unit beyond the patients?

Unknown: 19:08

Yeah, that's a great question. And anyone who is in the world of Pediatrics understands that if you have a child that's sick, it affects the whole family and in the world, in the conversations that we're having today about caregivers. If you have anyone in your family that's sick, it affects the whole family. So whether it's the child themselves, the sibling, the parents, the grandparents, illness is not a one person effect. It affects everybody in that sphere. So what's wonderful I feel about our organization with the kids kicking cancer and the hero circle program is that we really look it's not just the child in treatment that is a primary connection for us or a primary outreach. We look at that whole family. So we'll have parents that say to us, well, it's I know my child. The sick, but I know their siblings, they can't participate. Absolutely they can participate. Absolutely we want them here, because as much as it's affecting your five year old, it's affecting your seven and nine and 10 year old, and the same holds true as we have expanded, and this happened very early on, expanding out into the realm of children, of adult patients, and children in that role where it's there the care people that are caring for them are the ones that are sick. And it's very early on, we expanded into that realm, knowing the importance of those same needs in those scenarios. So if you we have across our programming, we have parents who are the ones who are the patients, and the kids are attending our programs, and something we spoke about before. But just to give a little bit of context, I came from that world, not only as a child life specialist, but I had a husband who was very young, diagnosed with cancer, so I was also in that realm on a personal aspect. So I understood it from a professional world, and I understood it from the personal world of knowing how important it is to meet the needs of kids who have a parent who is sick and really offering those services, the services that Rabbi G was talking about related to our stress reduction and in our empowerment and the breath breaks those work for anybody in any stressful situation. That's

Natalie: 21:26

right, if you've got a we've all got the autonomic nervous system. We all got to be regulated. And so when you said breath work, you had me at breath work.

Unknown: 21:35

Yeah, it's important and and what we've also found as we've grown throughout the years is not only the importance of our group settings. And tonight, for instance, we'll have a class out in our JoJo tonight, and in that class of kids, there will be children who are undergoing treatment for illness. There will be their siblings. There will be some kids whose parents are undergoing an ill treatment for an illness, and they're all together, and they all work. It's such a cool, organic support situation where these kids help one another without even knowing that they're you know, they're not sitting around a table having a cookie and talking about their feelings. They're sitting in a class doing martial arts, and when the martial artists say to them, did anyone use their power breathing this week? Did anyone tell us about your power moments? They talk about that. And with one of them says, Hey, I you know, I used it when I got my poke, or I had to get an MRI. And another one said, Oh, hey, I had to do that too, and it was really helpful for me. And another one will say, my mom had to get an MRI, and I helped her do her power breathing. So these kids really support one another, facilitated by the martial artists. So it's a beautiful community of support that occurs very organically. It's

Todd: 22:54

a perfect segue to the next the next topic. So it's often said that folks who are parents learn the most in life from their kids and from their journey. And so you obviously live a journey. You and Rabbi G and everybody you work with live a journey all the time, watching kids who are caregivers, whether it's to their parents or other other people in their lives, how has that influenced the program over time? You

Unknown: 23:26

know, that's another good question. Todd, it's influenced the program in that it's exemplified to us the need that everything we do outreaches to all these kids and all these segments of the population. So knowing that there are children that have a parent who is sick or a sibling who's sick, there's a child who's sibling who's sick, we know that those same coping mechanisms, we know that those same techniques are as important for their import is important for all of them, and making sure that we are really tuning into where these kids and families are at. You know, we'll have kids that will tell us. I had a young man who sat down in my office one day. He's about 14 now, but he himself went through cancer treatment when he was younger, and he was talking to me about how he hadn't been coming to classes for a little while, especially during the covid period of time, and how hard it was for him, because even though he had recovered from his illness, his parents had medical needs, and he was so worried about bringing anything back to them, and he was feeling that stress upon himself to make sure that he was protecting them and where they were at in their needs and how now that he's feeling safe coming back to classes, because things have calmed down, and we're still very vigilant and cautious, related to making sure kids aren't coming to class if they're sick. He said he's able to come to class, and he's able to really. Really at a different age, really utilize the techniques and understand even more how helpful they are for him. And he'll he told me, he said, I teach my mom how the power breathe when she gets stressed. I teach my dad and and remind them that they should do these techniques, because I can remind them how helpful it was for me when I was going through treatments, and now I'm able to help them. And we had a very cool story a few years ago, and thank goodness everyone is doing well. We had another young girl at the time. She was she was in our started our program. We have a program for Little Heroes, so three to six year old three to six year olds, and she was in our Little Heroes program, going through treatment for cancer, and she thank goodness, was doing well, and when she was about I'm not sure if ages get a little fuzzy for me, but a few years into her treatment, her mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, and her mom told the story that she was in the recovery room with her daughter, having just had a procedure, When she got the phone call that said she was positive for breast cancer, and she was teary, and her daughter said to her Mama, why are you crying? And she said, Well, I'm sad because I just found out that I have cancer now. And her daughter said, took her hand and she said, That's okay, Mama, because I can teach you how to power breathe. And you know, she right away knew how she could help her mom, and they are, thank goodness doing well, and they tell that story and how helpful they were for support for one another. So how, how this is all influenced our program. I kind of went off on a little bit of tangents, but, but we also have programs that meet needs in different ways. So we have a team program now we have, well, I told you our Little Heroes program. We have a parent program that when the kids are in classes, the parents are with their social workers, and they sit and they talk about whether they're the one in treatment, or whether their kids are or whether, no matter what, they gain support from one another. So it's really looking at where those needs are, and trying to meet those needs through different programmatic aspects, and whether it be with our social workers help or with our martial artists help or my help or Rabbi G's help, hearing, listening to our parents, listening to our kids, seeing where they're at. And what can we do to be helpful in this community that we have, that they have all formed together.

Natalie: 27:25

That is, that's a powerful story. And I think you know, we know that we learn from one another. If you think about how we how children know their roles in and as at various age was, we all used to live in tribes. And so I think about things like that, how children can teach adults so many things. Going back to your statement, Todd, is that the adults learn so much from our kids. And you know, I'm going to transition into a different question. Is I think about me personally, and I know we've all experienced I think we've all been caregivers, right? We've all cared for other people at some level. And it comes with a lot of adult emotions and feelings, and we have a lot of lived experience to help us build resilience and and know how to manage those thoughts and feelings and actions. Even you know, how do I respond to that? What would you tell kids? What do you think the kids need to know as they are facing some of these, these emotions that come up as they as they're doing tasks like helping with cleaning, cleaning things, or going and helping with food. I mean, there's so many caregiving youth that are doing adult responsibilities because simply, there's no one else to do it. So how would you help them? Advice you'd give them to managing the thoughts, feelings and emotions that come along with that?

Unknown: 28:46

You know, that's another good question. It's really looking and empowering them to use the techniques and the support and the community that they have here to to talk with one another. I mean, the kids will when the when the kids are together, they will talk about stuff like that. They will gain support from one another. They kind of finding their tribe. We have a parent who happened to have said, she said, you know, next week is so and so's birthday, my son's 11th birthday, he wants to celebrate here, because these are the kids that understand what he's going through, and she's the patient, and he's the the 11 year old, you know as her son. So it's the self care, it's offering and providing these experiences that the kids, the parents, the siblings. When you're in a family with illness, everyone is doing things that they probably would not have had to do in other situations. They might be talking to their friends at school, and this is something we hear a lot that don't ever understand or have to deal with situations that these kids in caregiving. Roles, or in families where caregiving is taking place, have to either witness or do themselves. And so for us, it's it's providing this community, providing the support, reinforcing the techniques, reinforcing the power that the kids have to to really gain support from one another. We can't take away what they have to do, but we can provide resources, and we can provide support, and we can encourage them to come to class, and we can encourage them to be with the friends and family members that understand. You know, I talk about our Parent Program, there are times where our parents come to the Parent Program, and the kids could are not even at class. They'll say, Oh yeah, they couldn't come, but we still wanted to come. But they're talking about those same topics that the kids are then talking about in other areas. So it's, it's not a hugely specific answer and but it's that they're not alone. It's reinforcing that. And the fact that when kids know they're not alone in these situations. It is beautiful to watch that connection and that support that happens. Yeah,

Todd: 31:08

absolutely. And that actually it leads into the next question, as these seem to be doing. I

Unknown: 31:14

don't know what

Natalie: 31:16

perfect, clearly, our fantastic facilitation. Todd,

Todd: 31:23

thank you, Ned, yes, you for sure. So I examined conversation last night with a dear friend of mine, and we talk about attitude in life. And you know, there's, there's that old energy unit. Are you a glass half full, a glass half empty. And I always say I'm full, I'm a full glass. I mean, so attitude is so important. And I don't mean it in a Pollyanna way, you know, where, oh yeah, everything's great, and others. But can you tell us, Rabbi G, how important attitude is for facing these challenges, for these kids.

Unknown: 32:01

Well, Todd, obviously you're a glass act. So let me the question is to even know that the glass is there in the first place, because some people don't even realize what the resources are there, whether it's partially there, totally there, and part of our role in helping caregivers is letting them know it's okay to reach out to that glass, because that's part of your responsibility. I would say that, you know, when I got glasses, I was very young. When I got glasses, I did a lot of reading. I was interested in making a spectacle out of myself.

Natalie: 32:43

So fantastic.

Unknown: 32:46

Oh my gosh. That was, that was three in a row right there. I think to call I remember I first got glasses. They used to call me four eyes, you know, because you had two eyes, and now you have glasses. So you four eyes. That's a that's kind of the way that they make fun of kids when they first get classes, and I was in the Bronx, and I had to learn martial arts just to get to school back and forth. So I always tell every member of the clergy that you should learn to to do karate, because every clergy member has taught to break their board. That's kind of a political statement that has nothing to do with that I'm talking about. But I would say that in caregiving, there are four eyes, not the glasses type. There's the I that comes with a sense, sometimes an overwhelming, sense, of responsibility. Why must I? You know, I have so much to do. I'm not well. I'm sorry, what must I first i is, what must I? What must I do? Four eyes first, one is responsibility, overbearing. What must I do? I need to know what to do. And as Natalie said before, nobody, nobody's created into a family situation of caregiving that comes with the book, like two months before the caregiving situation is Amazon delivers a book How to be a caregiver, and we're finished. I

Natalie: 34:09

needed that.

Unknown: 34:11

You need the book. You need to have had this podcast, you know? And then, okay, I'm already first thing is that sense of responsibility. It's overbearing. What must I and then it's very natural as human beings, and I can tell you, it took me many years to reach perfection, but most human beings haven't gotten to that level, and there's a sense of resentment, like, why am I like? It starts with, what am I got so much to do? But why me? Why am I responsible for this that inevitably leads, for so many people, for a sense of guilt? How dare I even feel that way? And you know, am I doing it right? And I ignored so and so? You. Know, asking for a cup of water, you know, and then there's the last there's the fatigue that comes with it. How can I just keep going? Those are the four eyes, and when that eye becomes a singular eye, it's so lonely, it's so overwhelming, it's so frightening, and that creates this ongoing sense of stress. Natalie mentioned the autonomic nervous system, those glucocorticoids britching out, and it's an adrenal holiday of fright and fear and resentment and all the stuff that comes and pulls into that lower part of the brain, the more we can help our kids and ourselves, our families and the extended families know that they have an incredible inner light and power. I wrote a book. It's on Amazon, so I'm going to advertise, because this is a free podcast. The name of the book is a perfect God created an imperfect world perfectly. It's 30 life lessons from kids kicking cancer. It has 30 Q there's a QR code, I tell the reader, if you don't know what a QR code, here's a web link. If you know what a web link is, probably have no stress. You don't need the book. But every time somebody listens to one of the meditations in the book, we have a separate web page for the children, the numbers go up, allowing the children to know that they're inspiring the world. And we're really working hard on apps and other things to get that connectivity with the children now they're they're an inspiration. So on the back of the book, I have a quote, and it's from a child who had not yet turned 11. There's a group that regularly makes holiday parties for us called the optimists. I don't know if you've heard of them, but you know, they're like the lions the Rotary. There's a group called the optimists. Really, they're all over the world. There's a more famous group called the pessimists. Those are optimists with experience, but the optimists were making this great holiday party for us in a large gym in high school. And towards the end of this celebration, this not yet, 11 year old, was being pushed by his twin sister Mrs. Bernard, being pushed by his sister Brittany, and he asked for the microphone, and in a loud voice, he's holding on to the microphone about 400 people milling around in the room. He says, Hi, my name is Bernard. Everybody stops to look at this little kid who's being dwarfed in his wheelchair, and with a big smile that says, I want to thank you guys for making such a great party in the presence, and I want to thank kids kicking cans. You guys are a family. I want to share with you what they teach us at kids kicking cans, because everybody has to know this now that is no matter what you're facing in your life, you can breathe in the light and blow out the darkness. And he proceeds to teach how to do a breath break. And then he says, Now remember, no matter what you're facing in your life, you can breathe in the light and blow out the darkness. Then they gave me the microphone, and I had to take a breath break myself just to be able to speak, because all of our staff knew that. Bernard's mom ran away when he was the top his dad died when he was eight years old. His uncle died when he was nine years old, and that was here he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor that was slowly stealing any movement from his body with his one good arm and most beautiful smile, he's telling everybody there, no matter what you face in your life, you can breathe in the light and Blow out the darkness. So when I recovered myself, I said to this group of optimists, I want you to know that Bernard Johnson justified optimism. But optimism does not mean that everything is going to be great. Optimism means that we can respond to everything with greatness, and that's what this not yet, 11 year old child the world. And so yes, Todd attitude is essential, and that's really what optimism means. We don't control the world around us. We control how we respond to it, but understanding it. Yes, there's responsibility, there's a ton of stuff. There's big checklists that one must die, and sometimes the resentment, which is very natural, like, why am I the one? Right? Where the heck are my siblings? That's a very common question heard in the world of caregiving, and then, unfortunately, maybe I'm not doing it well enough, mom, dad, husband, wife, child, not getting better. And so that guilt. How dare I even worry about myself? You know, I didn't get to take a shower. But so and so suffering and so, what is this and that all leads to that fatigue of, how can I. That's when we need to change the lens of those four eyes and let people to know it's not I, it's us. We're here for you. We're a community, understanding support, understanding resources, understanding the challenge is so natural, but also understanding that our response is nothing short of greatness, and when we assign that power of purpose, and we recognize that core, and we can help each other and ourselves to breathe in the light and blow out the darkness, yeah, we become teachers, and a world that can know so much darkness can know so much illumination. And that's what our kids, of kids kicking cancer have taught us on a regular basis.

Todd: 40:45

Thanks for sharing that before NAT asks her next question that was incredibly powerful and moving. And if there's one thing I want people to take a lot from this episode, but if there's one thing that they could only take, that's what I would love for them to take.

Natalie: 41:04

I agree. Todd, I was feeling that I love the not I, but us and I, it really is because caregiving, regardless of your age, is that it can be the loneliest place, and that's where, where we talk about, relate, educate, inspire, laugh, because we're always gonna laugh, and because laughter is so healing. But the power of knowing someone else is there, the power to relate, you know, you know, relationship is the oxygen of human development, and that's I've heard that a lot of times from a peer mentor of mine, and and that relate is so important, speaking of relate, because this is how you really do relate. Cindy, tell me about where the you know and what the type of resources are out there for children, because that is relate, right there.

Unknown: 41:54

Sure, absolutely well, certainly, our program is a huge resource for children and families that are dealing with either they themselves have an illness, their sibling, or they are children of an adult who is dealing with an illness. And as Rabbi G said, with our hero circle program, beyond cancer, kids with any illness, adults with any illness, if it affecting their kids, that we are a resource for them. We are a free program. We are across the country in some places, in person and but virtually. We are everywhere. We have kids and families that participate in our programs every day of the week someplace. We have a class seven we have class virtual classes seven days a week that could be kids and families could sign up for and in person there. We can also let you know where in person we have programs, our martial artists work in hospitals, and we have community classes as well. So certainly, our program is a resource for kids and families. You know, great timing and knowing what this podcast is, you all probably saw it. But this morning, on the Today Show, camp kessum was on The Today Show this morning, talking about a camp for children whose parents are sick, and we refer our kids to that camp. In fact, I've got multiple kids going this summer to Camp kessum, and for those are that aren't aware of it. My i i will give my a camp for children whose parents are dealing with illness, and they are associated with universities, and they're across the country, so most states have them. They could look up something like that. There's a couple of organizations we've worked with and done workshops with. There's an organization in Texas, wonders and worries that helps with children of adult patients. There's a group called the pickles group that for kids that are like first to 12th graders, and they do peer support. And there's, we've done workshops for bright side network, bright spot network, and those are younger kids, kids under six, with a parent with cancer. So it is a growing there are growing resources out there in the earlier days, especially when I mentioned you and I had a husband that was sick, there weren't as many resources. I actually, as Rabbi Jay talked about, I actually wrote a couple of books about that, my mommy cancer and my daddy's cancer to help the children of adult patients, because that wasn't out there at that point. Locally here in Michigan, we have an art camp called Planet Laurie, and that is specifically for children of adult patients or siblings. And there's camps, just we talked about camp custom, but can't make a dream in Montana, for instance, not only do they have a session for siblings, but they have that same session they welcome children of adult patients. So that idea that children as caregivers are a necessary a population that needs support is getting out there. So those are certainly some supports for them. And something Natalie that you brought up related to lonely, just really quickly when you know, many times we'll connect our parents to one another. Here a newer parent with a parent who's been around for a while. And one of the stories that stuck with me throughout. The years is that after this day where we connected two of the parents, the parent who'd been around for a while, text the newer parent and said, Hey, how you doing? I know sometimes it gets really lonely, and that new parent, she made it. She was like, Oh my gosh, I have all my family. I have everyone talking to me, everyone's here and telling me, what can they do? What can they do? But this is the first person that understood how lonely it can get, and that was that immediate connection for them. So

Natalie: 45:28

and, you know, I taught all I heard is, like, free source, free source, resource, resource. I mean, like Cindy was throwing them all out. We are going to make sure we have those in the show notes. I'll make sure Cindy, we can get us from you, these amazing organizations. I know that caregiving youth and the American Association for caregiving youth was actually featured on The Today Show this morning. So we were super excited about that, because it leans right into this series. We're like, perfect, yay. So Oh, so many great resources. We'll make sure those get out to everybody. So Todd,

Todd: 45:58

yeah, absolutely. So we're close to wrapping up, and it's a bummer.

Natalie: 46:04

I know, right? We could talk forever,

Todd: 46:06

we could, and there's just so many kernels of information that have come out of this, and not just little kernels, they've been big kernels and lots of wisdom. Thank you to both Rabbi G and Cindy for for those. And so I think what I'd love to do is ask you, Rabbi G you know, you've talked about breath break, and can you take a moment to teach our audience?

Unknown: 46:32

It really my great pleasure, and to follow with Cindy's comments, you know, because of the internet, and I think we always like to show appreciation for Al Gore for creating the internet. No, that's why they call them algorithms, which really powers the internet.

Natalie: 46:49

You're so painful, right? Bucha, I love you for these moments. These are our reels.

Unknown: 46:56

My apologies, but because, because of the internet, our program is so out there for being a resource, and so coming to us, as we are constantly referring out to all the wide community, says we want everyone to be part of our community, and we want every organization to know that we share that community and Like we're so honored to be on your show. I heard that today's show. Heard that you're doing this podcast, so you want to get ahead of it, just to be on your tailwind.

Natalie: 47:29

That's what I heard

Unknown: 47:31

rumors going around. Every time we have stress Todd, every time there's stress those chemicals, especially the chronic stress, it's adrenal stress, those chemicals will always create some tightness in your muscles. Everyone has a special spot, if you think about it, when I give these seminars to busy executives, we do a lot of teaching seminars, and I tell them that, you know, when you pick up your phone and all of a sudden your your arm gets tight. It's either because you got an Android and it's too heavy, or because you notice caller ID. You notice caller ID, and all of a sudden, boom, it hits you. Those stress triggers will always make something tight in your body. Here's what the breath breaks about and the important, as they say, is to kiss. Keep it simple, sir. Keep it simple. There's no way to do this wrong. We recommend breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. If you're not comfortable breathing like that, choose any orifice you'd like, but the key is to use the breath as a wave that moves the body. So what we do is we rub our hands together, get the energy flowing, allow our shins to fall, our shoulders to fall forward just a bit and again, only breathe in a way that's comfortable. Never make it uncomfortable, keep it natural. We do ways to watch me first. As I breathing in, I'm lifting up my shoulders, my chin, so I get to the top and hold that for three days. I mean, for three seconds, three seconds. So it's like that. You're breathing in. You get to the top, and then as you exhale through the mouth, you see, I'm reversing the process, my shoulders, my chin, my chest, all falling the end of the exhale, I brought a little bit more. But in the martial arts, we're very focused on imagery. Before we break a board or a break, you have to see it break in your head. If you see your hand break, it's not a good sign. Don't do it. The key to the breath break is we don't just breathe in air. You ask the kids, 1000s of kids. Across the globe, what are you breathing in? They yell out the light, that's a real power. And when we exhale, we ask them, What are you breathing out? They'll heal the darkness. So we do our breath break. We're actually imagining breathing this powerful healing light and then seeing the darkness of pain and anger and frustration. So it's a wave going up, breathing in the light, and that wave descends and releases the muscles. Every time you have stress, your muscles get tight. Your brain controls every muscle in your body when your brain is recognizing that you're actually relaxing your muscles. And that happens naturally in an exhale. It's called RSA respiratory sinus arrhythmia, to a fancy way of saying that your body is slowing down when you extrapolate that experience and you multiply that it has a significant message to the brain, nobody's running after me, to kill me. I can do this and that because from that sympathetic response to the fight or flight, to parasympathetic to the relaxation response, it's that simple, as long as you allow that flow, and it doesn't have to be exaggerated, comfortable breathing in the light and blowing out that darkness will change your brain. And when you can change your brain, and it's not by accident. You know, in the Bible, the word for breathing neshima is the same as the word Neshama for soul. But even in English, respiration, the key is spirit, the ability to know that we have that spirit inside of ourselves, and when we connect to that light, we impact the world. And that's power, peace, purpose. I

Natalie: 51:59

love it. You know. I want to make sure our listeners know when you're breathing in, it sounds like you're breathing in for about five to seven seconds, and then you hold that for about four to five seconds. Is that about right? And then you're blowing out audibly. So do you have a window of time that you do?

Unknown: 52:19

Let me, let me jump in, yeah, and say what we don't want is for people to count. Okay, that's important because, you know, we've studied hundreds of different types of breath work. We've cross trained with yoga specialists. I think I told you, I find yoga a bit of a stretch, but that's just my bad sense of humor. So

Natalie: 52:39

bad.

Unknown: 52:42

But the key is

Natalie: 52:44

just to create what feels natural fill the way more

Unknown: 52:48

your brain is thinking, 12341213, or this that I do it right in my own. Yeah, just the wave that's so uncomfortable, beautiful, calming wave feels sweet. You feel that everything relaxing so again, there are so many different one nostril, two nostrils framing breathing, where we part company is kiss. It should feel like a kiss. Keep it simple, sir, sir. Keep that wave going up, going down and just get into that rhythm, pain, fear, anger, stress or staccato, heavy, bribe and 2425 feelings, just creating this doesn't matter what you're thinking. Don't try to change your thoughts. Don't try this. Don't try that. Just Just breathe. Feel your muscles relax as you breathe out.

Todd: 53:42

Keep it saying right before I know Natalie has a final question, but before that, I'm gonna have an ask here. So Rabbi G for our to be named caregiving and comedy episode that we'll do, hopefully we'll be back on.

Unknown: 54:04

Are you trying to suggest that my comedy needs a caregiver

Natalie: 54:10

always? But up, okay, guys, I'm gonna wrap us up here, and I'm gonna give the last question and Cindy tell me where people can go to learn more or journey. Join, join. Excuse me, apparently my words are twisting around. Join, you guys in growing the hero circle, we want to help you. How can we help?

Unknown: 54:33

Thank you. Natalie, yeah, absolutely so. Hero circle.org. Is our website. Go to the website. There's information there on how to register your child. Everything is free, and when I say Register your child, you're really registering your family. So know that it everything we do encompasses the whole family. So that is an easy place to find us. And again, as as we talked about, our programs are in person. In some locations, we're virtual everywhere. So location is not an issue or a barrier as far as finding us, and we're free. So I mean, there's, it's a pretty easy if you are a child, if the child is the one in treatment, we do have a physician sign up, just so that we know what limitations that the kids have. But there's, it's just a form that they fill out getting permission from parents, and we would love to have families join us, and we'd love or contact us, and there's a Contact Us form on there, and we're happy to talk, give more information. Figure out what works best. Where do they fit best? In the realm of our classes, we have classes in all different time zones. Happy to have people join us.

Natalie: 55:39

I love it well. And I'm gonna say this because it's very kind of you. Cindy, while the classes and the resource is free, it is not free to do these services. And I would be remiss if I didn't tell you and encourage you that if you can go, you can, I will make sure all the links are either go to the website. So hero circle.org, they're on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, if you have the ability, we would love for you to donate to this amazing organization so that these children and their families can continue to receive these essential services, because this is so impactful. And thank you so much. Rabbi G Cindy Todd, this has been such an amazing conversation. I love it, and thank you for listening into our caregiving youth series hidden in plain sight, because right now, they're no longer hidden, and we are all about advocating to support children and families so that we have the healthiest community that we can find. Thank you guys for attending and thanks for listening to this educational series with kids kicking cancer and heroes circle, and we'll see you next time when we confess again.

Unknown: 56:45

Thank you for having us. Thank you.

Natalie: 56:50

Well, friends, that's a wrap for today's educational episode. Thank you for listening to our special series, caregiving youth hidden in plain sight, and don't forget to visit our website, to sign up for our monthly newsletter, sign up for the free sisterhood advantage discount club, and of course, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Tiktok, Twitter and Pinterest. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube Channel. We'll see you next time when we confess again you.