Caregiving Wisdom Beyond His Years: Lessons from a 16-Year-Old Trailblazer

This week’s episode gives us a powerful and insightful look into the life of Aditya Akella, a 16-year-old caregiver for his younger brother with autism. Aditya's story is one of resilience, responsibility, and a deep commitment to his family. From navigating cultural differences in caregiving between India and England to balancing his academic and social life, Aditya's experiences offer a rare and valuable perspective on the challenges and triumphs of being a young carer.

Aditya demonstrates a level of wisdom and maturity that belies his young age. He eloquently articulates the importance of understanding the unique needs of each young carer, rather than making assumptions or providing one-size-fits-all solutions. Aditya's advocacy efforts, including speaking at the House of Lords and participating in a documentary, further highlight his dedication to raising awareness and creating positive change for young carers like himself.

Aditya touches on the importance of self-care and finding balance as a caregiver. He shares his personal strategies, such as spending time with his beloved dog and indulging in the occasional video game or hot chocolate, as ways to recharge and maintain his own well-being. Aditya’s story serves as an inspiration to other young carers, reminding them that they are not alone and that their experiences, though challenging, can also be a source of strength and personal growth.

About Aditya:

A self-described “regular teenager in England”, Aditya is interested in cars, public speaking, sports and politics.  He is a proud older brother for his younger brother, age 11, who has severe autism, ADHD, and is non-verbal. Aditya share, “A lot of carers fall into the trap of feeling insecure or restricted by their role, though being a carer is more of a launchpad than it is a well”. 

Connect with Aditya:

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aditya-akella-349297267/

Blog: https://akellatech.blogspot.com/

** The sisters proudly partner with the Caregiver Action Network. CAN's Caregiver Help Desk offers free support to family caregivers via phone, chat, or email Monday through Friday, 8:00 am - 7:00 pm Eastern. Get answers, resources, support group info, or a listening ear. Visit www.caregiveraction.org/helpdesk/ or call 855-277-3640.**

Transcript

Natalie: 0:03

Hey guys, it's your favorite sisters here with the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver. Podcast. On the show, you'll hear caregivers confessing the good, the bad and the completely unexpected. You're guaranteed to relate, be inspired, leave with helpful tips and resources and, of course, laugh. Today's episode is part of our special series, caregiving youth, hidden in plain sight. We're partnering with my care friends to spotlight the millions of children and teenagers worldwide who are providing care for a parent, sibling, family member or loved one. Before we start, I want to remind you to go to our website, confessions, ever reluctant caregiver.com, and sign up for our newsletter and connect with us on your favorite social media platform. Now let's jump right in to today's youth confession. Hey, Jay, good morning.

JJ: 0:57

Why Good morning? Top of the day to you. Oh, oh, that wasn't. That's why that's not.

Natalie: 1:03

I actually don't even think that is British.

JJ: 1:07

It's not. I

Natalie: 1:08

totally that's actually embarrassing. Okay? I actually think you're, I think you're an idiot right now. You embarrassed us. You embarrassed us in front of our amazing young guest who's going to be like, I'm gonna leave now and I'm going to walk away from these older ladies. I

JJ: 1:24

really was trying. I really was trying to be cool, and I felt miserably. I'm gonna ask, I gotta get some lingo, though. I mean, you know, I gotta get some lingo. But I'm gonna tell you about our guest first, because we are in the midst of our caregiving youth series, and we have such a super cool guest today. He's like, these ladies are old. They don't know this lingo of what's going on. Just text me. Okay, they're

Natalie: 1:48

not from Great Britain. That's what he's gonna say. But not, probably not cool. Why don't we just talk about Aditya and stop messing around. Okay,

JJ: 1:55

not messing around because you didn't sing this morning. I, like, totally threw it off. So today we have with us. Aditya Akela, as of today, he is 16 years old, but he's been a caregiver all of his life. Let me tell you a little bit about him. What he says a regular teenager in England. Let me tell you guys, he is far more than that. He is interested greatly in cars, public speaking, sports and politics, and he's a proud older brother of a special needs boy. His brother, who has severe autism and ADHD and is non verbal idea, said this, a lot of carers fall into the trap of feeling insecure or restricted by their role. Though being a caregiver is more of a launch pad than it is a well, wow, that's always gonna tell you,

Natalie: 2:43

like, I can't wait for everybody to listen or view this episode, because he is a present, future leader. He is leading the charge right now, and so without further ado, Aditya, welcome to the show. You always get baby class,

JJ: 3:03

what was the appropriate Good morning? Aditya? What British?

Natalie: 3:06

If he says good morning, I'm gonna laugh.

Unknown: 3:09

Yeah, that's fair point. Actually, I don't think people actually say top of the day, or maybe, maybe in the 1800s

JJ: 3:25

I'm done. I'm leaving, exiting the stage. Exit. Sage, rights. Okay, let's

Natalie: 3:30

roll. I'm right. Okay, let's start with, you know, let's talk about your caregiving journey. Let's start from the beginning. And normally I'm always joking like you were born, but literally, you're 16 years old, so I can't really, like, go back. I'm like, that's not a long time. Yet you have done so much in your life. I don't even say young life. You've done so much in your life to be impactful, both in your family but also externally. And we'll get to the externally and your advocacy efforts and speaking and advocated on behalf of young carers, but let's talk about your family, and why don't you, kind of, for our audience, give the give the feel of who your family is, and tell us a little bit about your story and how you came into caring for your brother,

Unknown: 4:16

right? So I've got a pretty regular family here, so it's just mom, dad, younger brother, and like I always say, Done dogs part of the family now, well, at least he's well, according to my mom right now, and yeah, how I got to being a carer. So my younger brother was diagnosed with autism when he was two years old, and actually, that popped out of nowhere, because that age, we realized he wasn't able to hear stuff that we were what we thought. He wasn't able to hear what we were saying. So we had to take him to a doctor. We thought, Oh, he's got a problem with his ears. Turned out after a few tests, it was more than just a bit of an air condition. So since then, I. Actually it's, it's been a wonderful journey, interesting to say least. But yeah, it's, I'm where I am right now, and just got a lot more about him and myself along the way.

Natalie: 5:13

So what's the age difference between you and your younger brother? You're 16, and you said He's 11. He's 11. I know that when we talked previously, we're gonna go back and kind of walk through this. He was two when he was diagnosed on the spectrum and with with autism specifically. And your mom and dad both work, and so for folks who are listening, Aditya, you are Indian, correct? By Yeah, okay, yeah. I would just, I like to verify that. And so no stereotypes here. So growing up, your mom and dad both worked, but you mentioned that you your mom and your brother moved back to India. So why don't we walk through kind of the early years of caring, and then, as we've kind of gone that way. So

Unknown: 6:02

we moved to India right about time that my brother was two, three years old, so the diagnosis was still relatively fresh, if that makes sense. And I was still a bit of a wee lad, which meant that I didn't really have much knowledge about caring or autism. So moving into India was it was intriguing, to say least, because of suddenly being thrust into a new country and thrust into a new role as a carer. And I found that that the setup that was there for looking after my brother was, according to my mom, it was quite good, very effective for my brother. And truth be told, I still didn't really understand what it was like to be a carer. All I knew was that he was going to some place, and they were doing some sort of therapy, and it was working. Then after a few years, so we were in India for about a year, let's say, and then we came back to England, and then I started noticing that my caring responsibilities started to pick up as I got older. And it dawned on me very soon, because we've got Indian friends around here as well, and it started to dawn on me that there's a huge cultural shift between India and England. So like I said to Natalie the last time when I spoke to her. In India, there's a good setup for the younger children, because it's a lot easier to manage, but perhaps in terms of acceptance and understanding, maybe not as progressive as in the West, whereas here in England, you've got a lot of acceptance and understanding, but the infrastructure, the systems and the services that are that we have here to look after children like my brother, it maybe isn't as advanced or where it should be. So, you know, that was an interesting observation, yeah, yeah.

Natalie: 7:54

Or is robust. Let me ask you, did your mom specifically say I want to go to England for that reason? Like, I think there are better services there. Did she ever mention that to you? I mean, because you were a puppy then, like you're a puppy now, but you're like a younger pup, but you were true puppy at that point. And so you're welcome for that, since we love dogs together. So was, Do you think that was the reason she went? And where did you move in with family when you were in India.

Unknown: 8:22

Yeah, we went to India because, actually the original plan was to be there for about six weeks, and we stayed there for bit over six weeks. And I think, from what I remember, it was probably because of good opportunities for my brother and the idea of Good Services. And we thought, you know, it's working here. Let's just stay for a while. But then, obviously, you know, when you're in another country, it's a lot harder to adapt. And then my education, and as I was getting older, and he was getting older, and my dad was left behind boy here in England. So, yeah, yeah. I think after some time, we decided, yeah, it'd be best to move back. We had family there, and they were supportive enough. They were living quite close to us, but not much, not much, right?

JJ: 9:08

Let me ask you a question. When you say that you went back to England, how long was it before your mom went to work? Because I know that both your parents work, correct? Yeah, that's great, yeah, did she go back and go right back to work, or was there a little bit of time she was able to stay at home? So

Unknown: 9:30

when I said that, my mom and my dad work, so my mom took a little bit of a gap, just a small game during the time that my brother was doing after the diagnosis, and to look after my brother. So she worked. She didn't go straight back to work, but it was a bit of a gap before she still went back to work quite relatively soon. So that's how it ended up.

Natalie: 9:53

I know that you mentioned to me that your parents looked at you as I refer to you as the third adult in the house. Else, and so kind of talk about that a little bit more, and your responsibilities as a care, especially as you've gotten older, as you've gotten older, you know, this is what it was like. You know, I'm 11, I'm 12, I'm in middle school or and I'm in as you're working towards going into higher high school. We are middle school, high school in the US. So apologies if I say the wrong term for England. I'll

Unknown: 10:26

be teaching you British lingo later.

Natalie: 10:28

I know, right. Let's be friends. All the Brits Don't listen to her like, gosh, she's special. So tell us about that. So

Unknown: 10:37

yeah, I guess this sort of leads to my kind of responsibilities, what they actually are. So my brother is, as he said, special needs, ADHD, non verbal. So a lot of my responsibilities is keeping him out of harm. That's the main that's the main responsibility. And that also leads to other activities, basic activities like feeding him, getting him dressed in the morning, hygiene practices, meeting his needs. And I think one thing that's overlooked is the fact that he's non verbal. And it's very easy to say, my responsibilities are I do X, Y and Z, but communication is a very big thing, right? Because he's unable to communicate. So as a brother, it's my role to be able to find out what he's trying to say, and Kate to do that before I know he starts Throwing tantrum. So, yeah, I think that's as someone I've been thrust into the caring world quite early. And it's not something that ever clicked on. It wasn't so it wasn't something that suddenly arose. It was just something that slowly became ingrained in my life as I grew older so over time, that just led to me acting like a third adult in the house. So whatever my mom and my dad were and to art doing from for my brother, those sort of responsibilities and tasks kind of got passed down to me as well. So yeah, I guess to answer your question, that's pretty much what, why I've been treated as the third adult in the house

JJ: 12:07

while you were in school. Did the other kids children? Did the other children know that this was going on in your life, though, that in addition to getting up and going to school, you had some other responsibilities at the house. It wasn't just studying, wasn't just studying, wasn't just going home and doing your homework or going outside of Play.

Unknown: 12:25

So in terms of my peers knowing about my caring responsibilities, it's not something that I ever went out of my way to really explain or advertise unless the opportunity came. I think reason for that was probably because I didn't want to draw too much attention to it, and that has nothing to do with stigma or insecurity. But I think it's more of fact that it wasn't really something that I felt the need to talk about. And also, really big thing is, as much as people say that they understand, they accept a lot of the times they don't understand. So I think it was probably for the best. I didn't want to really go down that rabbit hole, but I think I'm quite vocal about it with the people that I know very well, and I think that's important to have people that you know very well and have the ability to talk to them about it.

Natalie: 13:18

So growing up? Do you feel like there was, I mean, again, you're 16, although I feel like you're a, you know, 45 year old adult with JJ, although JJ is 50. So I don't want you to hold that against her. She's not like us ADIA. So do you feel like you got to do all the things that your peers could do? Did you feel like you were missing out on anything?

Unknown: 13:44

Well, first of all, I'd like to thank you for calling me a 45 year old. Thank

Natalie: 13:48

you. You're welcome. Means a lot, just on the inside, friend cheers.

Unknown: 13:55

In terms of anything I missed, I felt like, I feel like to a certain extent, but only to a certain extent, my social life had been suddenly reduced. And there have been, especially when I was slightly younger, there were many instances where my brother would throw tantrums at nighttime, and we'd have to go around and take him for a drive or take him out and in looking after him really late at night, midnight. So in terms of my free time, it had been greatly reduced. That being said, as I've grown older, I've learned to manage my time a lot more appropriately. And I think it's just one of those things that you learn along the way that you can only experience and learn for yourself as time goes on. So right now, I wouldn't say that being a carer has necessarily affected my life, my social life, or my extracurricular life, for lack of better word, so severely. But I would say that in the past it would, and I think it just took practice and a bit of experience for me to get the hang of it.

Natalie: 14:59

Blink, yes. Get about school. How did you how did school go for you? Because if you've got caregiving, kind of responsibilities, and they'll have evolved as you've gotten older, like I'm assuming, you know, as you get bigger and you learn more and you have life experience, because you have to learn to be a kid. I mean, no different than tie your shoes or learn how you know it's crawl, stand, walk, kind of concept, you know? How does that work? How do you how you know you're I'm thinking about your caregiving responsibilities evolved. And tell me about that.

Unknown: 15:35

So you mentioned school. I think I remember showing the fact with you a while ago, and that was most carers, on average, get lower grades, right? And that's completely understandable the fact that they may not have the time or the emotional energy to divert and put time or effort into studies because of their caring responsibilities. For me. I mean, not to sound like not to play on any stereotypes. So I'm from an Indian household, and Indians in general. So from where I'm from, we place a lot of emphasis and importance on academics. So as it is, there was, there's always been a high expectations on me, and I'm not going to say that's any pressure. I would say that I am fairly academic and I'm fairly decent with my school studies. I suppose what I did was I I understood the fact that I'm going to be a carer my entire life, and for me to be able to provide for my brother when I'm older, and protect him and offer him the best possible life, it was, it's only if I actually do well in everything that I do. So you knowing that I, I guess I sort of used that as a sort of a goal or a purpose that's really driven me to do very well on everything that I can do, and that includes school. So hope that answers it.

Natalie: 17:00

Yeah, you did. We met with some young ladies from Australia. They care for their mom, and they still do. And at times, their mom struggles, and they she needs help with walking and things like that, and they miss school. And they said, you know, we've missed three days of school before, and we get detention. So how much do conversation, you know? Do do have you had with your with your teachers, or your parents had with your teachers? Did they come in and say, Hey, this is kind of going on. This is our personal situation, and we want to make sure that Aditya doesn't lose, have any learning loss, because that's really what it is, is, does caring impact your ability to be successful? I already know the answer to that. Like it can listen to you, but do they like? How like, if your other, if your parents? How did your parents deal with that? Or you?

Unknown: 17:55

I think because I'm fortunate enough that my brother doesn't have any physical conditions. So in terms of actually looking after him in that way, like helping him walk, there's not a very big responsibility for me. He can walk safely, and he goes to school as well, which means during the daytime, I'm not always I don't actually have to be there to look after him. So in that way, I regard myself as really fortunate. And in terms of what I've been through and what schools identified. It took a very long time for school to identify that I'm a young carer, and I think that only came about, you know, in conversation, casual conversation, in passing, nothing that was really like I said. It's not something that I would ever go out of my way to bring up, just because people I know that people don't really understand. I think what actually happened was, and this is quite interesting, school identified I'm a young carer, and they somehow believed that that was going to have a very negative effect on my mental health. And they thought that because I'm a young carer, I would be naturally going through a very hard time mentally, which to a certain extent, I think it's it's very genuine, it's very kind, and I appreciate that they really tried to help. But I think for me, I would have much appreciate, more, appreciated, way more, if they had understood Damien Cara and said, Look, we know that you might be pressed for time. Sometimes at home, we'll be a little bit more lenient with homework deadlines, for example. Instead, I think the way that they twisted it was easy on carer, so you must be depressed, and they, I know I kind of kind of got forced into these regular counseling sessions, which, if I'm very honest, only made me feel a bit worse. Because just an hour for an hour a week, and they were just and she was going, Yeah, must be really hard. I thought to myself, yeah, it is.

JJ: 19:53

You win the prize, yeah? Okay, thanks for diagnosing me,

Unknown: 19:56

yeah? I mean, I think that's just one thing that we need to understand. Is if you're a carer. And here's the thing, everyone's got their own problems individually, right? And being a young carer is an example of a quote, unquote problem or a setback. I think what you shouldn't do is then try to dig into that and say, also you must be depressed, and you must have all these problems, and you must have really bad family issues, and, you know, etc, etc, etc. What you should probably do is say, okay, here are the actual logistical problems that you might be facing. Let's try and help you, rather than, you know, making it a lot worse than it needs to be, because that's not helping anyone. So

Natalie: 20:36

this is so good. I love you. ADIA, so we're going to take a break real quick and we'll be right back. I don't know about you, but my inbox is always cluttered with useless emails, but there's one I always open the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver newsletter. You may say,

Unknown: 20:57

Natalie,

Natalie: 20:58

what makes yours so special? Well, I'm biased, but don't just take my word for it. Here's what our subscribers say they love. First, it comes once per month, and you can read it in under five minutes. Next, you'll find amazing tips and resources to use in your everyday life. And hook doesn't love a recommendation these sisters do, which is why we share sister approved products and discount links to save you time and money. And of course, your first to know about the upcoming month's confessions. Just like our show, you're guaranteed to relate, be inspired, leave with helpful tips and resources, and, of course, laugh. Go to our website, Confessions of a reluctant caregiver.com. To sign up for our newsletter today.

JJ: 21:47

So we're back here with Aditya, who is right now a 16 year old carer. Have a question. So you said something in our conversation. You said, I understand I'm going to be a carer all my life.

Natalie: 22:02

I know,

JJ: 22:04

I guess, is that something that your parents, you and your parents have discussed, or is that something a responsibility you've said, I'm taking that on that is the expected. I'm taking that on as a personal choice.

Unknown: 22:16

I think it's kind of both, actually, because my parents obviously know that He's my younger brother. We don't have a huge age gap, which means I'm going to be with him for the rest of my life. And that is a basic understanding, as blunt as it is, it's going to be, is going to happen. But I think for me, there's also an added layer of caring that I really want to take on myself, which is looking after my parents when they're older and looking after children. I think they're all examples of caring responsibilities. And that's not something I'd like to shy away from. I, to an extent, I really enjoy it in terms of being a young carer. So looking after my brother with special needs. Yes, I know that's going to be a lifelong that's a lifelong commitment, that's a responsibility that's been placed on me, and for me to sit here and actually say, oh, maybe it's not. Maybe let's weave our way out of it, I think it'd be complete disservice to my brother, and it's a mutual understanding within the family that I'm once my parents are. Want to put it bluntly, once they're older and weaker, then the bathroom gets passed down to me, and I need to make sure that he's safe and happy and protected for the rest of his

Natalie: 23:24

life. I know, right? Jay, I told you it was awesome, because it's so insightful. Aditya, there's so many people like you automatically think. And I'm gonna go back to that mental health thing that we talked about, because, you know, I'm a mental health provider of 25 years, and so I'm like, I'm gonna dig into that a little bit more for all my mental health friends who are listening to this and the educators who are listening to this series. But I just think there's so many people, and I look at people my age who are like, yeah, it's not my problem. My parents aren't my problem, my siblings not my problem. Like I'm living my best. I want to be me. And I mean, as humans, we're naturally selfish. And I feel like you know you're saying, Hey, I feel this responsibility. And it may be because you grew up caring. You grew up a part of the team, your family as a team. Because I know that you had mentioned to me, it's really in England, it's just your family. You don't have a lot of extended family that people are like raising their hands saying, Let me jump in and help on that biscuit. Do you think that's where that kind of mentality comes from, or just ingrained in who you who you are, as character and that sort of thing? Maybe a little bit of both?

Unknown: 24:39

Yeah, I think it is a bit of both, actually, because we don't have much extended family here or in India. Really, I don't think, I think we've learned to be I don't know if I mentioned this to you before, but we moved up and down the country so many times since I was born, so we've always been moving from community to community. And it's we've. Always been very independent as a family. But I think there's also another added layer, if you like, which is the understanding that the chances of someone else who is completely unrelated to my brother, who has no idea of what my brother's going through, the chance of someone like that coming, stepping in and offering to help is going to always be very little. And I think that the day that you understand that that's a reality is the day I understood that was the day that I realized that there's only one team or one group that can look after my brother, and that's his family. So yeah, it we are independent, and I think it should be that way, because only we understand him, and yeah, he might get some extra support from additional services and companies and organizations, but at the end of the day, the person that's going to the people that are going to be guiding him throughout his life will be his family. I

Natalie: 25:51

want to go back to mental health for a little bit, and then I want to talk about as you get older, because I asked you where you wanted to be when you grow up, besides, just pretty amazing, because I think you're nailing that one already. But I found it really interesting when you're like, Don't push me. Don't just assume that we need counseling. Don't assume that's the support. Don't assume I'm automatically going to be depressed, because I'm going to tell you, when we started talking about the series, I was very concerned. I've worked with children adolescents my entire career, and I'm very protective. The adults are protective. Aditya, especially in the mental health field, like, we're like, we want you to be okay. We want you to build resilience, and we want to love on you and maybe potentially smother you, is what it sounds like you're saying, like, Dude, stop it. Like, back up. We as human service professionals, we just, we really do want to protect and but in our well good intentions, our well intentions, I think we can overdo it. And so what would you tell us? What would you tell the adults? Like, especially like, how like, this is how you really need to treat us. This is how we really want to be supported.

Unknown: 27:09

I think one major fundamental aspect that's missing from these services is people actually going up to the people that you're looking after and actually asking them, What do you want? Because a lot of times it's very natural for caring services to step in and assume that they know what they have to give and then just bombard people with that. So for example, my situation, they assumed that I had mental health problems, and they bombarded me with counseling that, quite frankly, didn't really mean much to me, because that wasn't my situation, that wasn't my predicament. My predicament was more logistical. How do I manage my time so and that's the case for every child, every person has got a separate problem or an issue that they want to deal with. So it's not a one size fits all, and I think acknowledging that is the first step to improving these sort of systems in general.

Natalie: 28:07

Yeah, because I really, honestly, you know, I was concerned. And do we need to have, you know, will this be really triggering, and will this be hard for other youth to listen to? And do we need to have, you know, 988, which is in the US, is our suicide prevention hotline. I was so like, I went and took it and took it to the next level. And then, after having met several youth at this point, I'm like, You guys are more together than I was as a teen. I'm really being honest with you. And yes, is, I'm sure people listening will be like, Nah, Nat, there are some teens that are not, that are struggling, but I think what you said is really insightful, is you need to ask me what I need and not assume that's what I heard you say. I think that's really important for us as the adults, whether you're parents, whether you're educators, mental health professionals, anyone who interacts with young people allow you to have your voice and trust that you're going to tell us the truth, and then watch to make sure that it is true.

Unknown: 29:16

Yeah, absolutely. I think that's I think the one size fits all approach worked, works to a certain extent, but it as time goes on, you start to you start to observe that a lot of the issues that people have, it's very nuanced, very unique to the person. So I think the only way to do justice is to ask them,

Natalie: 29:38

yeah, we're going to take a break real quick. Jay, okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back.

JJ: 29:48

If you like confessions, we have another podcast we'd love to recommend the happy, healthy caregiver podcast with Elizabeth Miller as a fellow Whole Care Network podcaster. We love how Elizabeth. Chats it up with family caregivers and dives into their caregiving and self care strategies, just like us. Elizabeth believes that family caregivers are the experts in caregiving. Beyond the informative conversations, Elizabeth reveals the tried and true resources and practical self care tips that empower caregivers to prioritize their health and happiness. You can find the happy healthy caregiver podcast wherever you download your favorite podcast or go to the website at Happy Healthy caregiver.com All right, we are back here with Aditya. I remind you that he is a 16 year old with a 45 year old's mind, because his wisdom and his insight is amazing. Get a notepad, because you're still learning. So I'm gonna ask you, I'm still learning. I'm gonna ask you a question, because that's what I do. That's my job. There are a lot of hopefully kids that are listening. Young adults, do you get frustrated at times, though, and if you do, or if you don't, how do you get around that? Good question, Jay,

Unknown: 31:11

so do I get frustrated? Well, so in the past, I'll, I'll be very honest, in the past, I got very frustrated. My frustration wasn't more towards my brother or towards my situation. I think my frustration was more towards myself. Really. It was more, am I? I think it's natural to a certain extent for many people in this situation, because I have this thing where I always think about, think very negatively about my future, for some reason, about my future with my brother, and that was back in the day, and I always used to feel like, maybe I'm not doing enough. Maybe, yeah, maybe there's a chance that I don't give my brother everything that he needs and needs serves. So that frustration really ate me up. And over time, what I did was I just learned to understand that there will be a lot of hardships in the future, and I've just got to do it well.

Natalie: 32:15

And I'll tell you, Aditya, I mean, for me, when I was taking care of my husband, and I'm going to tell you, I suck as a caregiver, and I ran a company like I had lots of people I was responsible for and 1000s of clients, and make it like I'm used to winning. And at 46 I was put into this situation that I didn't know this was new, and I just kind of was like, and I agree with you, because I'm going to tell you I can relate to what you said, and even I'm a good bit older than you, those thoughts and feelings are totally normal. We hear it from everybody, and it's and the thing is, is it's like, how do we get past them? So what are some of the strategies or things that you do to kind of like, take care of yourself, allow you to refocus in on yourself, and say that offers normalcy, like in those moments when you're hardest on yourself. What are those things like you pull yourself out of that. How do you do that?

Unknown: 33:16

Well, on a surface level, I think I mentioned this at the beginning, is the mindset change, isn't it? Because some people beat themselves down and they think that it's it's a reason for their quote, unquote, failures, whereas you can obviously turn that into fuel for ambition and fuel for desire to do a lot better, which sounds very philosophical and bit boring. So what I actually do is I actually found that spending time with my brother was the best cure for my frustration, simply because it allowed me to understand it. I enjoy spending time with my brother, and I really like doing that. It's a very meditative experience, even if it means that I get beaten up to a pulp. So I think it's just a way of reminding myself, intrinsically, that he's your brother at the end of the day, and he's that's what he'll always be. There's you shouldn't over complicate it. You shouldn't make it seem worse than it already is just enjoy being a brother, I guess. Or Karen,

Natalie: 34:24

I love that, telling you he just went up to 50. J

Unknown: 34:30

so just leave immediately.

Natalie: 34:32

You're like, Oh, that's it. No no, because when we say that, end of this, I might be 100 That's right. Well, you know what? Though with wisdom, trust me, the older I get, the more I wish I could tell myself my my 20 year old self, hey, don't take this so seriously. And so what I what I keep hearing, is you have a lot of wisdom that it takes of most adults, many, many years of life experience to kind of in turn. Internalize, if that makes sense, and that's that's still that feels like the silver lining of this for the things that maybe you didn't get to do, or the hours you didn't get to sleep, or the sleepovers, or the things like that, the things that you sacrifice that don't feel like a sacrifice that other kids would be like, I can't believe you're not doing that. You know, I think that's really important, that you've taken that, because I know that you've not only taken that personal experience and that you advocate and you've spoken to other folks, and so you've had the opportunity to speak at the House of Lords, and that's my question. I'm

JJ: 35:37

like, Okay, now tell me about yourself and where you're headed, because it's crazy.

Natalie: 35:41

What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to go back to the what do you want to be a dica when you grow up, which

JJ: 35:46

is, now he's grown up, yeah,

Unknown: 35:49

yeah. So what I want to be when I'm older? I'm not really sure about particular jobs, but

Natalie: 35:55

I do like, Okay, does the financial

Unknown: 36:01

Yeah? I like the finance route for now, and we'll see if I can play around with that. But I guess,

Natalie: 36:08

yeah, but you've also advocated, yeah,

Unknown: 36:11

oh, yeah. So I think that's always going to be something that goes alongside the lifestyle, so talking about it and helping other people need and we should I explain how I got to that? Yeah,

Natalie: 36:24

so, yes.

Unknown: 36:27

So I part of the youth project called the young carers project. It's a local project in my area which is run by the carers trust. And carers trust, as the name suggests is involved in looking after young carers. So I got the opportunity at the YCP anniversary to talk about my experiences as the young carer. And in the audience, one of there was a member there from the carers trust, and he came up to me at the end and he said, you know, that was actually that wasn't bad, that was quite good. He offered me the opportunity to speak on slightly bigger platforms. And before I knew I was started, I was getting opportunities to speak at the House of Lords and the Old Bailey Criminal Justice Court. And I think after that, it gave me the confidence to start speaking on a wide variety of platforms. So I was invited to do to be part of a documentary in which so a Japanese producer came to England, so she's a young carer. She she's a carer herself. She was like a young carer, and in Japan, apparently there's a very large stigma associated with caring. So she came to England to raise awareness about caring and send it back to Japan, the documentary back to Japan, so she could mitigate that stigma. So she came to England, and she wanted to explore the lives of young carers here. So I was fortunate enough to be part of that, and I was also lucky enough to be part of a few radio interviews, including one with BBC, so you're

Natalie: 38:06

on your way. The other thing that we kind of mentioned is when you were in the room there, didn't feel like there was a lot of representation, and so you saw a lot. And here's the thing, friend, that's here too. There's typically a lot of older Caucasians, and we're trying and more males, typically, and especially like when you're in the House of Lords, I'm pretty sure it's mostly white men. You've got a lot of 100 years, you know, hundreds and hundreds of years of that. But you know representation matters, and you know I'm so proud of you. You don't need that, but I'm just telling you I'm so proud of you, and you have so much that you have yet to do. And when I say you're a present, future leader, I feel every bit of that in just talking to you, and I'm just always going to tell you, it makes me tearful, because I'm like, keep going.

Unknown: 39:06

Thank you very much.

Natalie: 39:07

Keep going. So it's time JJ for our favorite section. Is the part that a DM might not like, is it sister questions? So Jay,

JJ: 39:19

I don't even know where to begin. I had so many in my head, and now I'm kind of like,

Natalie: 39:24

totally do what feels good to you,

JJ: 39:27

I guess. What does your extracurricular life look like? So when you're not caring, like, what do you do? Like, okay, like, I'm gonna ask it now. Like, do you have a girlfriend? Okay, like, what is that like? Do you go out with friends? Are you at coffee shops? Are you give an

Natalie: 39:49

opportunity? Jay? Give him an opportunity to speak. He's ready. Go ahead.

Unknown: 39:54

I'm very single. I've got a girlfriend for you. Out. We're

JJ: 40:00

like, Okay, we got you

Natalie: 40:03

my god child, Isabella, she's gonna be like, Oh my god, Natalie, stop, but she's so cute. And she's 14, but she's super cute. And so anyway, keep going to dica.

Unknown: 40:13

Yeah, that wasn't painful. But

Natalie: 40:21

okay, so anyway, beyond the sisters trying to set you up, what do you like to do? What do you do in your free time? Yeah,

Unknown: 40:29

I like basketball. I like sports in general, watching and playing. And I do like watching football. And by the way, football is your equivalent of soccer. Soccer.

Natalie: 40:39

I knew that. I knew that too.

Unknown: 40:45

I do like music as well. I quite enjoy my piano, and yeah, like I said, I am a long standing volunteer for a local charity in terms of going out with friends of my social life, I do have a few friends, don't worry, and I do occasionally go out, but I'd say I'm slightly on the more introverted side. So, I mean, there's been so many times when I've gone out and I just come back half sleep, I just leave after about three hours. Yeah, I've had about I've had about four hot chocolates to keep me awake. Oh,

Natalie: 41:21

yeah, that's okay. That's okay. You know, I think you've, you're found your rhythm, your your normalcy, and how do you have as a productive as teen life that makes you happy, the fact that you volunteer. So where do you who's the charity that you volunteer with? If you don't mind me asking, so

Unknown: 41:40

it's very local charity. It's called man and boy, and they essentially, what they do is they set up activities to bring boys from difficult household situations with their father figures or uncles or some male figure in their household. And the point of these activities is to encourage man son, man, boy, bonding. So as volunteer, I'm tasked with making sure these activities stay afloat, and they often include archery activities, workshops, and I think once we went quite far away into the middle of nowhere for a camp. So it's about managing people and activities which I'm quite happy to be a part of. And I think the the ideology is very noble, and I really hope that man and boy Grove and cater to more people in the future. Wow.

Natalie: 42:40

And now you have done one thing, one service that they will be greatly appreciative of, which is bring awareness to them, to the lots and lots and lots of people that will listen to this. So that's a great thing that you just did. So now you're a further advocate. Now here's the favorite sister question, because it's mine and I'm allowed to have it. Jay, so suffer, um, what is your favorite guilty pleasure? What is the one thing that you do just for yourself? I'm

Unknown: 43:10

trying to think of one. And I don't know guilty pleasure. I don't I wouldn't say this is a guilty pleasure. I'd say it's just a pleasure. But I'd probably just say walking like with my dog, just because a lot of the times I just put my aphant in, I say I'll be back about half an hour, and I just go for about one and a half hours and never come back. I pride myself in having that time to think and be on my own, actually, one more, which then my parents wouldn't be too happy about ready. I love my video games. Yes, I love my video games.

Natalie: 43:45

You are a normal teen.

JJ: 43:47

I also heard like three cups of hot chocolate. Do you have a hot chocolate addiction? I need to know this.

Unknown: 43:54

So I'm not really big on coffee or tea. I don't really drink that stuff. So my all time saves hot chocolate, and I think the Sugar Rush just,

Natalie: 44:04

I think all the Brits are like, he doesn't represent us.

Unknown: 44:10

Yeah, yeah. I don't really know how to respond to that, actually. No, it's totally fine. Sorry, chaps,

JJ: 44:21

another word Natalie, another word we learned, that's

Unknown: 44:25

C, H, A, P, Oh, that's funny.

Natalie: 44:29

I really i This has been so much fun, and we are so grateful to you and Aditya, I hope that you're going to be on the live panel with us, because I'm going to tell you, I know it'll be midnight when we do it, so we'll see if he's allowed to stay up late. Although, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, see, look at that. He's like, hey, yeah, my parents will be fine. One last real question, what kind of dog do you have, and what's the dog's name? Because you just refer to dog, is the dog's name? Dog?

Unknown: 44:56

Unfortunately, no, it's not that easy. But, yeah, it's a Labrador. And he, his name is Toby. Oh, I

Natalie: 45:03

like that. So Toby the lab, yeah, and

Unknown: 45:06

he's, once again, he's just sleeping downstairs. That's good.

Natalie: 45:09

He's doing his he's doing his part. He's probably sleeping because you walk him to death. He's like, Okay, we're going for an hour and a half walk. He goes, I thought it was 30 minutes, buddy. I'm good. That's what my my Bulldog says that I've got 10 yards with the Bulldog. So ADIA, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and being so real and honest. And I think we'll be seeing more of you in the future on television and radio and really using your voice and your talents to serve others, and as

JJ: 45:41

the Prime Minister, I think, yeah,

Natalie: 45:45

we feel like it like, yeah, he's like, I don't be prime ministers, whatever. But thank you for being with us. Aditya,

Unknown: 45:53

no problem. Thank you very much. All right, guys,

Natalie: 45:55

and until we confess again, thank you for listening in to our caregiving youth hidden in plain sight series. We hope that you enjoyed it, and we will see you next time when we confess again. Well, friends, that's a wrap for today's episode. Thank you for listening to our special series, caregiving youth hidden in plain sight. And don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our monthly newsletter. Sign up for the free sisterhood advantage, discount club, and of course, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Tiktok, Twitter and Pinterest. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube Channel. We'll see you next time when we confess again. You