Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver
The Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver podcast offers a candid, unfiltered space to confess the good, the bad, and the ugly of being a caregiver through storytelling, guest interviews, and information sharing. JJ & Natalie are a dynamic duo of sisters supporting their mom living with Parkinson's and a husband who survived cancer. Along with their guests, they discuss their shared experiences in caregiving. Viewers and listeners alike will relate to our reluctance, be affirmed in their ability to be caregivers and gain the courage to confidently step out of the shadows to express their own needs. You are sure to laugh, cry, and everything in between but in the end, all will leave feeling better for the journey and part of the sisterhood of care. So grab your favorite guilty pleasure, and let's get to confessing!
Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver
Terrance Hawthorne - After the Confession
Thank you for your support! Here's the link to watch the behind-the-scenes bonus episode on YouTube! https://youtu.be/SG1HiMGVbvI
Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver
Sisterhood of Care, LLC
Kristen daukas, Hey guys, it's your favorite sisters with the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast, and you're listening to after the confession now let's listen in, as it was just getting good. Hey guys, we're
Natalie:back with Terence Hawthorne for after the confession. You know, this
Unknown:is the fun we just did. Enough. Couldn't
Natalie:get enough of Terence. Let's jump in.
Unknown:You ever been in the pulpit? Because I'm like,
Natalie:I tell you right now, you're missing your calling, my friend, you
JJ:can give our Pastor Tony, Tony McAfee at covid 19, Rocky Top Tennessee, you could give him a run for his money. And I thought he was the best. I mean, oh, and I think you got it, Terrence,
Natalie:the Lord is using you. Terrence, yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. That's and I can tell you those conversations I've had those conversations. I know, Jay, you've had those conversations about why, why do we have to do this? I know our mom and our dad did. My our mom has Parkinson's, and when my dad, my dad stepped up to try to take best care of our mom that he could, and I remember it was hard for him. Terrence, my dad cried on the phone before he died. Our dad died of a massive heart attack on July 4, 13 years ago this year, and I talked to him probably a week or two before he passed, and I didn't talk to him a lot on the phone. Terrence, he was a man's man. He was a man's man. He worked in he was a union work or two, and he had worked his whole life. He was the oldest of five siblings in a rural to East Tennessee town, and I remember him on the phone, and mom was really struggling, real bad, and he cried to me on the phone, and that's the only time I ever heard my dad cry. And he said, I just don't know how much I can do this. And I'm like, you have this Dad, you can do it, and it was so hard, because it was so hard on our mom. Our mom was this larger than life person. You guys remind me so much of our mom and dad, and that's why I tear up, because I'm like, oh my god, I hear like dad's voice in you, that commitment?
JJ:Yeah, I read about your ministries and stuff like that. Our dad was an amazing man of faith, and he did, and I need when the reason I got upset when you said, Why? Because I just not sandwiched it my dad, you know, it was only the last 10 years of his life, Terrence and my dad, 58 and in those 10 years, he touched so many people's lives. He was on mission trips. He got on fire. He was just he knew that was what his calling was. And when dad passed, when they called me and said, Your dad's passed of a massive heart attack, he was playing softball and with his brothers, and I can imagine it being anywhere else, but it took me about it took me about five years that I struggled with the Lord. And I would say, you know, same thing, wow. I don't understand. We always thought Mom would go first, honestly, because she has Parkinson's dad, healthy plants, softball, doing all that. Never
Natalie:been sick in Danny's life, no, and,
JJ:but when you said that it, it really hit me, because I struggled with the Lord. I mean, we went to war. Sometimes I was not, you know, and, uh, but I realize now that I would not be where I am if I had not finally accepted it and said, Okay, Lord, I'm on this, this path, because you put me through that. That's right. So what you said, everything you said, but what you said specifically about that, really, oh, so I thank you for being open about it and sharing it. It's true. We're like, oh my gosh, I love that.
Natalie:Okay, so I do have a question. All right, so because these are some of the fun questions. These are the things I think people really want to know about. Tell me. Tell me some of the tips and tricks. Tell us tips that you think, Hey, I wish I had known this earlier on. Or these are things I would tell you really do for yourself to help you keep extending. Tell us some of your tips and tricks that really help you get through the day to support you and your wife.
Unknown:Imma tell you what I do. I tell people this all the time, in caregiving or even in life. You can even apply this to your life, whether you caregiver or not, like I said before, we all care caring for somebody one way or the other, whether you caring for them in sickness or you care for them in a relationship. It don't matter you're caring for somebody. But what I do is I take it one day at a time. I don't look too far ahead. I don't worry about tomorrow. I'm not concerned about yesterday, because I would not get it back right. So I don't look too far ahead. I put my best foot. Forward today. I do my best today, right? And I take advantage of today and tomorrow. Take care of some it'll take care of itself. Now. That don't mean don't make plans. That don't mean don't, you know, set goals, but what I'm saying is, in your day to day, living you focus on today. You put that into this day. Because here's the thing, illusion can be something else. You know fear is real and fear is false evidence appearing real, right? So you can look too far ahead and cancel yourself out of the blessing. You could cancel yourself out of it. Well, what if this happened in five years? What if it be like this in 10 years? Or what if I go through this for the rest of my life? Or what if it happens like this, and you know, what if? What? What if God change it all in the middle of second, your life can be one way today, and he can change it and turn it around the next day. That's right. A millisecond, he can change your life. What if it work out? What if it changed for the better? So when you look too far and you think too far ahead, it can really discourage you, especially as a category.
JJ:Let me ask you a question. When you saw that beautiful woman, yes, cutting hair, and you knew 22 years, 20 years down the road you would run into this, would you be like, No, I'm not gonna do that. This, this maybe is too big a road for me. I don't think I want to take that road. I I'm going to go somewhere else. Or would you say, Nope, it's all it's all worth it. I'm taking this ride.
Unknown:You know, I've had this conversation with my wife when she told me I don't have to do this. My wife told me this probably about a month ago. She said, You don't have to do this. I said, you know, yes, I do. I said, I made a vow to God. I made a vow to your father, and you are not a burden to me. You're not a burden to me. I'll do it over and over and over, again and again and again, because I understand that life has more meaning to it than all that other stuff. We have to live in purpose that's more important than just living and existing and involving in other things. When you living in purpose and you inside of God assignment that brings a whole lot, much more peace. And I, like I told her, I said, Listen, I find my peace in your presence. My happiness is in your presence. When I'm gone too long away from the house, I'm trying to hurry up and get back home to my baby. Okay? I just want to sit next to her, talk to her, say to her, pray with her, love on her. And that's what real love is, and that's what get me through the day, that get me through the hour it get me through the year. And I'm telling you, I'll do it to God. Call me home. Mm, whether it take three years, whether it take 10 years, or whether it take 30 years, however and whenever, God going to deliver her and heal her, it doesn't matter, cuz in my mind, she's already healed. She's already received it, and God just manifested it day by day. So whether he do it fast or whether he do it slow, I know he gonna do it. I'm right there. I ain't going nowhere. I told him, till the wheels fall off, baby,
JJ:look, you've got a big family. You've got, like, all these grandbabies and this damn kids. Tell me what, how, what this has done to for your family. Tell me
Unknown:the first two years was hard for the kids to adjust, right? Because my wife is to go to person. She's the the she's the glue to the family. Let's say that everything came through her. I mean, family reunions. She get everybody together, you know, we plan something, everything come through her. She the life of the party, you know. And they was a little lost the first couple years, yeah, but I have explained to them that all of this is a test for us all. This is a test for us all. We need to all rally together and help her through this right and understand that she's helped everybody else and raise everybody children over the years, and did everything for the community. So now that person that did everything for everybody else. Uh, now she need us, right? It took them a minute to get it. I got it. It was tough on me, because, listen, I said I'm the one ought to be dealing with it back. That's my wife, that's our mother. I get it, but that's my wife, that's my companion. So it's a lot harder on me. You grown you go home to your boyfriend, your husband, you go home to your kids and stuff. I said it's a little harder on me than it is on you, so you should be able to get over this. And eventually they did.
Natalie:Yeah, so tell me about some of the supports that you have, because she needs support. 24/7, so how do you build I know you probably have a team, because, let's be honest, we know that we're one person, and again, set the pride aside. It takes a village to do this. How did you build that team to support you and your wife? Because honestly, y'all in it together.
Unknown:Yeah. You know, we just did a every birthday. My wife just celebrated her birthday. May the fourth, and I took her on this lavish four day stay at the hotel. At the suite, I got a big suite, a pool size suite. We did a couple massages. We did dinner, birthday dinners with the family. We did different things like that. I got out by the poolside. She hung out, she got a tan. I mean, we listen, I'm not letting this stop us. Okay, and, you know, that's how I keep things going. I also have great help and great support. We got a caregiver that we're blessed with, and she comes in four hours a day, yeah, and she makes sure that my wife is good. We make sure my wife is good. She cleaned my house. She make sure my house is good. She is amazing with my wife. I trust her with my wife, and that's very important. So I'm grateful for that. And also, you know, we got kids, you know that that step in when they need to step in, of course, they got their own life. Of course, they got their own job, their own career. But whenever they get a chance to step in, they step in. And I got a grandson that's amazing. He helps out. And, you know, it's a whole team effort. You know, every year we have a recovery, we celebrate my wife in in September, we'll be going back to Miami. We'll be doing a celebration. All the family and friends fly in from different cities and states, and they fly in to come and spend three days with her, and we just enjoy each other and celebrate life. You know, it's to celebrate her recovery journey every September, because September was the month that she actually had the brain aneurysm, yeah.
Natalie:Well, I have to celebrate. Yeah. I love this. And I think, you know, it's such a different a shift in perspective. It really is. You have to be willing to shift in perspective. And, you know, the hardest thing is change. I mean, the only thing, consistent thing in life is change. And yet it's all the thing. We like structure. We like our we we like to know what's going to happen. And I'm going to tell you, Terrence, I think that you know, I know our folks, if you're you know, for those of you who are listening, that this has been such a encouraging message, an encouraging message, and and I hear you telling me you can't do this alone, and so rather, you're an individual who believes in God or not, you can't do this alone, and you don't have to. That's, I think, the bigger thing is, you don't have to. And isolation is one of the hardest things. I know. There have been times Terence that I felt very lonely, especially when we we went to New York and we were getting his treatments, and I didn't know anybody, although nobody in New York was immune from me talking to them. And so I'm pretty sure the lesson when I was young of don't talk to strangers didn't stick. And so, and that's and you know what is probably a good thing a little bit. But you know, I what I hear you saying is even in those times when you're feeling alone, you're never alone, you're
Unknown:never alone. I can't forget about the followers and and our supporters. I like to thank them, because they are a part of the village as well. I got 1000s of people in other nations, of the countries that are supporting us, praying for us and everything. I thank them as well, you know, and that's what it's all about. And we have to continue to live life. And guys, you gotta understand, I still take my wife on dates. Okay? We love that. We go, I put her in that wheelchair, I get her in that van, and we go, I take her to the by the beach. We watch the sunset go down and I enjoy life, you have to overcome your circumstances, and don't let your circumstances overcome you.
Natalie:I'm going to leave it right there. I'm going to leave it right there. You got to overcome your circumstances. Don't let them overcome you guys. Thank you so much. Parents, thank you so much for being with us. Thank
Unknown:you. I enjoyed it, ladies, everybody, thanks
Natalie:so much for listening to after the confession. We will see you next Tuesday when we confess again. Thanks. Thank you.
Unknown:Well, friends, that's a wrap for this week's after the confession. Thanks so much for subscribing. It's your support that makes this podcast possible. And don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our monthly newsletter. Sign up for the free sisterhood advantage discount club, and, of course, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Tiktok, Twitter and Pinterest. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube Channel. We'll see you next time when we confess again. Till then, take care of you. You.
