Unconditional Love in Action: Honoring Vows Through Sickness and Health

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Terrance Hawthorne is the epitome of unconditional love and devotion. For the last two years, he has courageously served as the primary caregiver for his wife LuCretia as she recovers from a brain aneurysm and multiple strokes. Despite facing this incredibly difficult situation, Terrance maintains an inspiring attitude and finds comfort, grace, and purpose in being by LuCretia's side. He honors his marriage vows completely by ensuring LuCretia feels respected, dignified, and engaged in life through small acts of care and involvement in the community. Even while working full-time, Terrance prioritizes LuCretia's needs above all else. He advocates for himself and asks for help when needed to support his wife during her recovery journey better. Terrance's compassion and servant's heart are evident in his actions for LuCretia and others. He hopes to use their story to uplift and empower other caregivers through the Caregiver Lifestyle Foundation.

About Terrance:

Terrance & LuCretia Hawthorne have been married for 23 years and hail from Mobile, Alabama. They relocated to Tampa, Florida in 2002 to embark on a new chapter as Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne. As a blended family with 7 kids and 11 grandchildren, they dedicated nearly 20 years to serving in Revealing Truth Ministry, actively involved in the Marriage, Outreach, and Homebuyers ministries. Renowned as pillars in their community, they assisted the homeless and supported children in foster care.

Terrance and his wife are the proud owners of Platinum Plus Beauty Studio, a local business that has been serving the community for 18 years. While his wife pursued her dream as a Real Estate Agent, Terrance worked as a Supervisor in a local union and also served as a Credit Repair Agent. Together, they conducted free homebuyers and credit repair classes for the community, emphasizing financial literacy and the importance of building a lasting legacy for families.

In 2020, during the pandemic, a life-altering event occurred when Terrance's wife suffered a Brain Aneurysm and Multiple Strokes, with only a 1% chance of survival. Emerging from a Coma and battling Life Support, her miraculous recovery was a testament to God's purpose. Terrance now serves as her full-time caregiver, standing faithfully by her side through sickness and health. With unwavering hope, they continue to believe in her complete recovery, as healing is her destined path.

Connect with Terrance:

Instagram: @Terrancehawthorne

Facebook:  @Terrancehawthorne

Transcript

Natalie: 0:00

Kristen daukas, Hey guys, it's your favorite, sisters with the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver. Podcast. On the show, you'll hear caregivers confessing the good, the bad and the completely unexpected. You're guaranteed to relate, be inspired, lead with helpful tips and resources, and, of course, laugh. Now, let's get to today's confession. Morning, my dear sister. Well, good morning. Sister, every

JJ: 0:33

time we sign on, I feel like we're Catholic. I know we're Baptist, Pentecostal recovery, we say, sister. I

Natalie: 0:39

mean, I don't like snakes, so that's why I'm questionable Pentecostal. That's true. I'm not gonna lie to you, but the Pentecostals do have a ton of fun, and so we like to raise our hands and be like, Hey, it's me down here. So, but this is not a religious This is not that, but I think it's because I said that I might sing this morning. I'm trying to distract you, I know, but Terrence hasn't heard me sing, and I know that he's like, What? How did she not win the voice the other day? Again, time stamping this episode.

JJ: 1:12

Move on fast so she doesn't care. First of all, I'd love to start these special episodes by saying, as Natalie and I say, we have a boy, Yeah,

Natalie: 1:22

boy caregiver,

JJ: 1:24

I know, and we're always so excited when we have someone that that our audience loves first is also in the midst of care. And so you guys are going to love this episode, but I'm going to tell you a little bit about Terence, and then we're going to jump right into the story. So today we have with us Terence Hawthorne, and I'm going to say I made these assumptions, Terrence, after I read your bio. You are a man of faith. You are a man of family, and you are a man with a servant's heart that you've had throughout your life. He and his wife, Lucretia, of 23 years have they share a blended family of seven children and 11 grandchildren, never boring at your house, and he said it best when he said he and Lucretia have always worked together as a team in 2020 Lucretia suffered a brain aneurysm and multiple strokes with a 1% chance to live, but God still had a purpose, and it wasn't her time today. He is a full time caregiver while on this road to recovery, he says he is honored to love his wife through it all, in sickness and Terrence, we are so happy to have you here with us today. Yeah.

Unknown: 2:38

Thank you. Thank you.

Natalie: 2:41

Well and everybody, this is great, because everybody's like, Oh, how do you know Terrence Nedley, which nobody ever asked me, but I'm going to tell you, I've worked with a colleague, and actually it's a family relative, and she said, You've got to meet my cousin's husband. And I was like, Tell me more. And I had the opportunity to get to chat with Terrence, I was like, Oh, he's so good. Our listeners are gonna love him. So he is our, he is our people, and he is our, officially, our honorary brother. We, we normally save that for the end to award that Terrence, but we'll just put it right up front. So, so typically, how we start is we, I always like to say you were born and then skip to the good part, but tell us a little bit about your story. And it feels like a love story, because if you you will tell more about terrence's stuff and what he does to support caregivers towards the end. But this is a love story, and you see it through and through in everything he touches. Yes.

Unknown: 3:42

First of all, thank you for allowing me to be on your platform to share our love story, true love story. I can say that, man, I get giddy every time I think about my wife, every time I think about the relationship. It's amazing. You know, when I first put my eyes on my wife, it was love at first sight. I can tell you that there was something different about her. It's a funny story because I met her at a salon, and I was in a Z barber shop next door. My best friend works there, and I asked him, I said, Hey, who's the young lady over there on the end? And he said, you know that's my boss. I said, it's your boss. He said, Yeah, she's the owner of this, this place. And I'm like, really, you know, this was 24 years ago, guys. And you know, so my wife always been a boss. She got out, she got out of college, and started her own salon, her barber shop, and she's the cosmostologist, and things like that. We didn't talk about it much after that, but eventually he gave her my number, but he was reluctant to give it to her. He said, creed, Don't you mess this up. He said, uh, Creed. No, this a good dude. Creed, Don't you mess this up. This is good dude. Guys come in the salon all the time. Want to talk to the ladies. I want to say something. But she said. This one was different. Mm, she said he acted different. And she was intrigued about to find out, why is it, what is it about this guy? He's so good. What is it about him? Because he's never, he never bring numbers to her. He never, none of that because he, that's his sister, you know, and, and, but, you know, it was amazing. Our first conversation on the phone back then. We had the house phones back then, and, you know, we're on the phone. I had to be to work at six o'clock, and I was on the phone with her to about 430 that morning. I was we had about a six hour conversation. Our first conversation, and our first date was to church that Sunday, it's been like a dream ever since. Oh, it's been amazing. It's been it's been amazing. I

Natalie: 5:49

love that you went to church on your first date. I remember those days when you talk to somebody that you like and you be on the phone for hours. I don't think young people do that anymore. I think they just text until they have this and I'm like, You're missing the good stuff, which is the conversation that happens and you get time. No, oh, I love that. Okay, so fast forward. You guys get married, you're having life, and then

JJ: 6:15

are you guys in argument? Because I know there was a

Unknown: 6:20

move. We're here in Tampa now. Okay, when we met a year later, we got married. Okay, it didn't take long. I mean, we was planning to win after six months. Listen, a man know when he wants to marry you. It don't take five or 10 years to know. He know right away if you is the one, and I knew she was the one. And I'm telling you, we got married, we relocated our family here in 2002 so we've been here in Tampa for 22 years. Yeah, life has been amazing, man, I'm telling you, yeah, yeah.

JJ: 6:55

So your business owners there, you guys, I know you, you know we, I looked over everything. You're you really. You are vested in that community. You guys were so your business owners, you work for the union there. Our dad was a union worker. So supervisors do a lot with your church. You foster children. I think that was correct. Tell me a little bit about you guys are in the community. You're doing a lot. Tell me about your life together. That's,

Unknown: 7:23

that's a good, good question. Uh, here's the thing, what I can say about my wife and I, we had a lot of seed in the ground. Let me say that that's a good way. Okay, we planted a lot of seed, and that's why I believe we're reaping the harvest now, because for years, we've been a pillow in our community. For years, we've served the community, whether it was foster care, kids coming to the salon that my wife would mentor, she would do their hair, she would give them makeovers. Um, not only that, we will feed the homeless throughout the year, we will have a good holiday party for them and feed the homeless and you know, and during Christmas, we will play Secret Santa, you know, this is thing we would do as a family, right? We'll be Secret Santa. We'll put gifts and things like that in a card, and we'll go around and just bless people and and we play Secret Santa. And on top of that, you know, my wife became a realtor. Finally, she became a real real estate agent. And I was doing credit repair at the time, but I've been in I've been in the Union now for 20 something years, so that's what I was. That was my main job. But I was doing credit repair. My wife was a real estate agent. So what we did is we wanted to help families learn more about financial literacy. Our job was to help break that generational curse, right, of creating a legacy within a family, becoming first time homeowners. We did home buyers classes for free in the neighborhood, in the churches, in the community. We did credit repair classes for free in the community, in the churches. We did all this stuff for free. My wife is the type of person that you know, the government will give away 15, 20,000 $30,000 for first time home buyers. She will go find the money for you, right? And most of the people that was getting that needed that they credit. They they had some challenges with their credit, but my wife was the type of person that she will walk you through it. She will care. Hold your hand if it took six months. It didn't matter. It wasn't about the money. Because, as you know, and most real estate agents know, you only get 1% of those type of deals, and most agents don't want to mess with it because it don't pay enough for them. But my wife did it more, and her reason for doing it wasn't for the money. It was to change lives, and that's what we did. And and again, I tell people all the time, whatever you think of me, she's 10 times that much more, I promise you. She taught me so much with a good heart. She the type of person that you know. You know how you you ride up to a light, or you go up to. A light, and you go to intersection, and you got the homeless there with the sign, you know, they asking for food. Are they hungry or need something? My wife was the type of person that she will pull out, $50 $100 and give to the homeless. And honestly, I was, at the time somebody say was, I was I wasn't as compassionate. I was like, Hold on. Wait a minute. No, I just got on work. They look like they healthy enough to go to work.

Natalie: 10:29

I said they look healthy. Hey, we've all been guilty of it. Terrance, we've been guilty of it. Listen.

Unknown: 10:34

And my wife stopped me in my tracks. Just to give you an idea of the type of person that we're dealing with, she will say, hold up. Wait a minute. You don't know they story. You don't know what they've been through, why they in that situation? Have you? Have you stopped for a moment to ask them why they in the situation they in? They could've lost their parents, they could've lost their spouse, they could've lost their child, they could've lost their retirement. You just don't know. I said, you Right, yeah, I can't look at the outer appearance, you know. I said, You're right. I said, and my wife is a big person that own the heart. She's she's really big on the heart. She said, You gotta get your heart right. And I was the type of person I'm like, man, you know, yeah, you right. I have to look at things different. So she taught me a lot as it relates to compassion and how to look at things different. She's a giver. She's a person that you know will give you the shirt off her back, and she taught me that I give her her flowers all the time, because she's always she she's just that type of person. It don't matter how high she is or how much, how much success she got if you come from the back of the store or in the back of the kitchen, she treats you the same. If you management or your person work in the back of the kitchen, that's just how she is. She treat everybody at that level of respect, and that's why I believe that God is pouring out so much love and so much grace in this journey. And man, God is amazing. I'm telling you. Well, we

Natalie: 12:03

can say amen to that for sure.

JJ: 12:05

Yeah, I know Terence preaches. I love it. I need this on a Thursday, telling you I like when we go to church. So I know it. So everything is good. I want to say that actually, everything is great. Terrence. And then, of course, we're in covid, yes, showing a house. So tell me about the moment that changes it all.

Unknown: 12:27

Well, like you said, you know, the last few years has been the most challenging years of our life. As you guys, know, I told you, you know, we've been in this love life for 20 some years, and it's been amazing, but we've always tackled everything as a team, but we never ever encountered this type of adversity. So this adversity was different. Sickness came upon my wife. You know, it's unfortunate because she didn't have no signs at all, as you as I said before, she's a real estate agent, and during the covid, you know, the city opened back up, the state opened back up. She was excited. Oh, man, I can get back out. I'm a realtor. Let's go. So we get out. She had, she had a couple showings in a walk through that day. She was fine. We went walking that morning. Was going to brunch that evening, and a couple that she wanted to bring that one that she had to show the house to. I knew that couple, so I was going to let her go, you know, because I normally don't let her go by herself. I always go with her as a real estate agent. I don't let her walk through the houses all that by herself. I'm with her because you got a lot of cycles out here, you know. So I have to make sure I cover her and protect her at all cost. So, um, typical wife. She opened the door, come on, go with me. Come on, go with me. I'm at home. I'm watching the game Alabama's playing that morning on a

Natalie: 13:48

Saturday. We won't talk about Alabama and Tennessee. We'll leave the SEC out of Terence. Okay, so I think we both know we need to leave Nick Saban out of this.

JJ: 13:57

We got priorities there.

Natalie: 13:59

We digress.

Unknown: 14:01

Continue. And then she said, you know, she gets smart with it, somebody, you got the you got the you got the game on your phone. Oh, okay, yeah, you right. She leaves the door open and goes in the SUV and sits on the passenger side and cranks the vehicle up, and I gotta get up because the door is open, and they and then Carl's Okay, Okay, you win. I go. I get in the truck. I said, Okay, let's go. I thank God I went with her, y'all, because God knew that I had to be with her for one after the walk through the show. And she had to, she took her gird off, she had to use the restroom, right? And at that moment, everything was fine, but she said something was hurting, that was it. And I said, Well, you want to wait we get where we going? You want to she said, No, that place looked clean enough, so I met a U turn and went over there, and I took her in there. I can say this, she wasn't in that long. She wasn't in that long. It was maybe, maybe one minute or two minute. And I text her, and I said, You okay? She didn't answer. I text again. I said, You okay? She didn't answer. I said, Okay, something not right? She always keep a phone with her. I called her. She didn't answer. Okay. I said, you know, by that time I runs in there, I BAM on the door, she still didn't answer. Okay, wait a minute, something right? I said, I need the key. My wife is in the restroom. They was like, Oh, sir, the lady has the key in the restroom. I said, you don't have an extra key. Uh, no, sir. Okay. Well, you know what, a husband, exactly, right? I kicked the door in, and she was sitting on the toilet. She set her phone down, and her eyes was bucked. And I'm telling you, I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what. Yeah, by time I stood her up, her feet was like rubber. She couldn't stand. By time I got into the door, she was gasping for air and foam and everything was coming out of her mouth. It was the scariest moment of my life. She was pulling my shirt, ripping my shirt. I'm hollering for help. But the strangest thing about this moment is I can remember hollering for help and watching people run the other way. I felt so helpless. And there was this one lady, she had to weigh about 90 pounds, and she had a broken arm, and she came. She said, Oh, she helped me. She grabbed me, she called she helped me get my wife to the ground. She called the dispatcher. They told her what to do, and she popped my wife heart, because I was so hysterical. I was freaked out. I I couldn't, you know, and they told her what to do, and she popped her heart. Popped her heart, and she got that second wind. And I'm telling you, everything happened so fast. Three minutes later, the ambulance was there. Normally, the ambulance don't come right away. I'm sorry it don't we was five minutes away from the hospital. The doctor says she was minutes from death, because the injury that she has, the injury that she had was, was a hemorrhage rupture. It kills you immediately. It 99.9% of the people that has it, they die instantly. But imma share this. The most interesting, interesting thing about this is she ended up in the coma, but she had six strokes as well. She had three on the right side, three on the left side, and the doctor told me, if it wasn't for the strokes, it probably would've took her out the strokes prevented the full damage of the hemorrhage, rupture, God, blocked it with the strokes. The Strokes, it was a counter action that took place, wow. So it could not do the full damage that it was designed to do. Yeah,

Natalie: 17:41

hold that thought for a second. I know JJ and I have tears in our eyes because, like, I'm right there with you, Terrance, we're gonna take one quick break and we're gonna come right back. I don't know about you, but my inbox is always cluttered with useless emails, but there's one I always open the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver newsletter. You may say, Natalie, what makes yours so special? Well, I'm biased, but don't just take my word for it. Here's what our subscribers say they love. First, it comes once per month, and you can read it in under five minutes. Next you'll find amazing tips and resources to use in your everyday life. And who doesn't love a recommendation these sisters do, which is why we share sister approved products and discount links to save you time and money. And of course, you're first to know about the upcoming month's confessions, just like our show, you're guaranteed to relate, be inspired. Leave with helpful tips and resources and, of course, laugh. Go to our website, Confessions of a reluctantcaregiver.com, to sign up for our newsletter today. Hey

Unknown: 18:56

everybody. We're back here with

JJ: 18:58

Terrence Hawthorne, and we are at that point where the moment that everything changed, his wife has had an aneurysm, and she they've gotten to the hospital, and we're at this pivotal point where

Natalie: 19:12

she's in a coma and so so here's the thing question Terrence, you find your wife like she was. I mean, God, had his hand on this, even though it is the worst thing that has probably happened in your entire life. He had his hand. He's he's still got you. And because, for a lot of people, they could turn away. So you've gone in, you made the decision to go with her. You knew that how long she took. I mean, my husband probably the same way, like, how she's taking too long, you know what? I mean, there's that intuition and right? So you all get to the hospital, what's going on? Like, she's she's in the hospital, she's in the comma. What's going on with you? Who,

Unknown: 19:55

uh, I literally blanked out. I, I was. Devastated, because this is the love of my life that I'm watching going through a moment that that you only see on TV, and I'm telling you to be in that at that moment, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, people had to check on me, and I kept telling him, I'm okay, I'm okay. You know, they was, they was doing checks on me and making sure I ate something, making sure, because I had to come home without my wife. Yeah? Remember, this was covid. It was a lot of restrictions, right? Yeah. And Imma tell you my wife was in a coma for three days, and, um, they kept telling me, Mr Hawthorne, what? What are your wishes? What do you want to do? We're not hopeful she's going to live. I'm sorry for your loss. Uh, call your family, prepare for a funeral. And I told the doctor, I said, you know, I'm not gonna receive that, I said, and I'm not gonna pull the plug on her, sir. And they kept convincing me to pull the plug on my wife. It's okay, let her go. I said, Listen, it's not my decision. It's God's decision. When he's ready for her, he'll call her home. I said now, but they didn't understand that years ago. Let me say this, years ago, me and my wife had conversations. I would say, as couples, you should have these conversations. Yes, my wife said, If I'm ever in a situation I'm fighting for my life, don't give up on me, cuz God can do anything to bring anybody back. We talked about these things, you know, where I want to be buried at? Do I want to be cremated? Where I want to be over here? These things, these discussions that you have to have, a lot of people shy away from. But do I want to be in a nursing home if something happens my wife, she don't want to be there and I want to be there. I said, No, we got a home. The nurses come here, you know. So that's what people have to understand and what we dealing with. So after all of that, they finally did the surgery. She woke up on the third day, on the third day, and just like somebody I know, you know, it's interesting how all that happened, because the number three means a lot in this whole process. Because during the time when they had to get her after ICU, after the surgery, it went well, but they still wasn't hopeful. My wife was still was on life support. She had 40% of oxygen. She needed help with the rest, right? So she's, she's on life support for three months now, I, they gave me three places to take her that I could send her to for the rehabilitation, for the whatever she needed the treatment. They gave me two places that was five or 10 minutes away from the house, and they gave me one place that was about 40 minutes away. God told me to pick that place. They was confused, you know, why? Why did you pick the place fathers away? I said, I don't know. I mean, that's what God told me. I get there come to find out that place specialized in getting people off the ventilator, the number one place in in this region that specialized and get people off the ventilator. I didn't know that, but God knew they were so awesome. They I watched them come in there and do breathing treatments on my wife every day. And mind you, we couldn't come in, but God had favor on my life because I told him. I said, Listen, it's no way that my wife's going to be in this facility and I can't come in. It's no way. I said, her life is dependent on it. I have to be there. She can't pick up a phone. She can't call me. She can't get my none of that. No, it's not happening. Well, sir, do you know it's covid? Uh, nobody's coming in. The city shut down. I said, Sir, I don't know what you got to do, but I'm telling you, it's no way. So now it's the funny story about this, right? Let me

Natalie: 24:14

say this that's Spoken like a true caregiver. That's cute. Yeah, I don't care what. There's no way. I that is Spoken like a true caregiver. Keep going, I'm

Unknown: 24:23

telling you. So I told him. I said, Listen. I said, Whatever you got to do, you do it, sir. They were like, okay, Mister Hawthorne, so they got back with me a couple days later and they said, Mister Hawthorne, I've got your approval to come in the facility, but we have to add you to the staff, sir. I said, Okay, whatever you got to do, we have to add you to the staff, and we have to give you a covid test every week. I said, Sir, whatever you got to do, you do it. You can give me a uniform if you want it. Okay, I'll

JJ: 24:53

clean the toilets, right? I'm

Natalie: 24:55

here. I'm helping everybody,

Unknown: 24:57

whatever. So they had to call. Tallahassee talk to the powers of B, and, you know, God had his favor on it. And you gotta understand, I get in there, I caused a little confusion with some other with some other people that's in there. So the other people, they see me, walk around the place. I'm in there with my wife every day. I'm changing around furniture. I'm changing the room around. I'm walking up and down the hallways. I'm doing everything. So the people, they put in a couple complaints. Is this person visiting somebody here? They they said, No, he's staff.

Natalie: 25:37

She paying for a one on one. Literally,

Unknown: 25:41

I haven't seen my family in bucks in a year. Is this person's coming? No, he's staff. The only visitor that place has seen in a year. I'm in there every day I went to work. Y'all, obviously I had to keep going.

Natalie: 25:58

Well, that's what I was going to ask you. She's doing this. How are you doing this? Because your husband, but at this point, you are transitioning into the dual role of husband and caregiver.

JJ: 26:08

Man, listen, do you guys still have kids like family? Do you have any or how? I mean, what is going

Unknown: 26:14

on? Well, our kids are grown. Okay, okay. I'm at home by myself now. Yeah, and we empty nesters at the time, you know? And sometimes they come back and go, you know how they go, yeah, so, but anyway, yeah, at that time, we empty nesters. So I have to come home at night. Sometimes I would stay tonight. They'll let me stay tonight at the place too, sometimes. But sometimes I can look at her. She's sleeping well, and I can hear her telling me, go home and lay down. Yeah, cuz I'll sleep in that chair. I slept in a chair for years. In fact, I'm still sleeping on the let out chair now, downstairs, for the last two, three years, I've been sleeping on it, and I can try to get massages as much as I can in my back, because I'm working on renovating our garage is our master suite, because all our bedrooms are upstairs, so we downstairs in a dining room is now our bedroom, you know? So I sleep in a I'm a couch, I'm a couch retainer now,

Natalie: 27:15

so and you're working at the same time. Now, are you? Are? I mean, because it's you, and I'm assuming you've got church family and loved ones that are trying to help you and support you, but you're working full time still and seeing your wife. Are you taking FMLA or what are you like? Are you thinking, holy

JJ: 27:35

do they know? Like,

Unknown: 27:39

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They knew, yes, I was still working. While she was in the facility full time, I still was working, and I was put my papers in to leave, because I knew she was scheduled to come home in a month or two or whatever. And they was concerned. And they was like, well, you want, do you need counseling? Are you sure about this, and you need us to help you find a facility for her. And I'm like, no, no, no, she got a house. Why would I put her in the facility? Are you? Are you capable of doing this? And I'm like, Man, listen, my first job, my main duty, is being a husband to my wife. That is my priority, that is my calling, that is my assignment is to cover my wife, love her as Christ loved the church, right? And that's my priority. I'm not worrying about anything else. God going to take care of the rest, right? And I'm telling you, I transitioned pretty good, and I can remember when I walked away from my job and finally became a full time caregiver, right? And I've had a conversation with God. I said, Okay, God, Imma take care of your daughter. Imma take care of my wife. But I need you, God, to take care of us. I need you to do it. I said, you know, I never really had to believe him 100% you know, I know people say they have faith and they believe, but they still go to work. That's alright. We still gotta go to work. We still gotta pay the bills. Not saying you don't have faith when you go to work, but what I'm saying is you gotta have 100 right now. It's like, my wife's not working. I'm not working. We got all these big bills, we got mortgages, we got a business, we got all kind of stuff that's happening every 30 days, these people don't care nothing about you being on a recovery journey. Who got sick, who was sick? It doesn't matter. They won't they paid every month. And I'm telling you, God has not failed us. I'm telling you right now, God has not failed us because obedience is better than sacrifice. And by by my obedience, God has rewarded us tremendously. Every week, every other day, we get a beat, I get a beep, I get an email, I get a text, somebody want to bless me. How can I bless you? How can I be a blessing? I can think about how in the beginning I didn't have a wheelchair accessible van, and, uh. Up. I needed transportation for my wife. She needed to go to doctor, she need to go here. She need to go to therapist. She need to get this done. And I tried the public transportation thing, and it wasn't. I didn't have a good experience with that. And you know, either they, they didn't show up, or when they came, they say they got six drops before they take my wife. I'm like, we gotta sit on this thing for six other stops, and then I don't know, I can't. You know you supposed to come pick me up at two, but you arrive at four o'clock, and we sitting there waiting, and it was, it was terrible. I said, God, this ain't what you want for us. I need a van. And as you know, I don't know if any of you guys ever looked it up, but these vans are not just they're not No, even the used ones are 30,000 so guess what I did? I said, God, you know, Imma do a fundraiser. And God, I believe you going to send the people to help us get it? Yeah, I'm telling you, I did that, and it wasn't two days, and everything I needed was there, yeah, and I was able to get the van that we needed to transport my wife and I'm honored for all our supporters, all the people that help us, all the people that support this journey. Because I take pride in being a 24 hour caregiver. I take pride in honoring my wife. I feel like that's the most ultimate job that you could ever have is to fulfill your vows and be there for your spouse in a time of need.

Natalie: 31:26

So I'm going to pause this right there, because that's that is a good way to end this segment. It's so good. Um, like, it's just so good because, JJ, not, like, if you're not watching on video, you'll notice, JJ, and I lean in when we're really in it we have a question. We go back and forth because we lean and so guys, we're going to take a break real quick. We'll be right back.

Unknown: 31:50

If you like confessions, we have another podcast we'd love to recommend the happy, healthy caregiver podcast with Elizabeth Miller as a fellow Whole Care Network podcaster. We love how Elizabeth chats it up with family caregivers and dives into their caregiving and self care strategies, just like us. Elizabeth believes that family caregivers are the experts in caregiving. Beyond the informative conversations, Elizabeth reveals the tried and true resources and practical self care tips that empower caregivers to prioritize their health and happiness. You can find the happy healthy caregiver podcast wherever you download your favorite podcast or go to the website at Happy Healthy caregiver.com Hey,

JJ: 32:38

everybody. We are back here with Terrence Hawthorne, and we are talking about taking care of his wife. Proud to be a full time caregiver. Natalie's leaning in, but I'm asking a question, because I am taking charge Ted. She said something that really hits me and and you said, you know, we've got to have a van this. This will, this really, ultimately, is going to change our life, basically, and you ask for help, yes, how for so many caregivers that are out there, how important is that? Because if you hadn't asked for that help, what do people just roll out the red carpet say, okay, here, let me help you. If you had not asked specifically and trusted that it would come, come specific. How important do you think that is for caregivers to say, I need help? This is what I need. I

Unknown: 33:25

think it's so important to be vocal for one I think it's so important to set your pride aside and accept the help that you need. Because it takes a village y'all you know, and I have to realize that you know lot a lot of us try to be saviors ourselves without the help of others, it takes a village. And I'm a firm believer that wherever there's provision, you know, wherever there's vision, there's always provision. In other words, you have to see it, you have to believe it, for it to manifest in your life. And I just believe that, you know, I need to put her in a better situation to recover, I need to get all the tools necessary for her to recover, to get her to these doctors, to get her to places, to engage her brain, to get her back out into life, so she can indulge into life and and be a part of what's going on around us to to do these things. She is not designed to be cooped up in the house. You know, stayed in the house, isolated all day, every day, in the bed. No no, no, no. So my job was to, you know what? I gotta keep her involved. I gotta keep her engaged. I gotta show her some type of quality of life. I gotta continue to love her through it, all right? I got to lay my pride aside and ask for the help that I need. And it's people out there every day that has a heart to give and want to help people, right? Yes, that's

JJ: 34:57

right. I totally believe that. And I'm telling you,

Unknown: 34:59

man. And you know you have not because you ask, not right and and you know, I know a lot of us have heard a closed mouth don't get fed, and your why has to make you cry. My wife is my why, and she makes me cry every time I look at her. Your why has to make you cry. And I will go to the moon and back for her if I have to. So whatever I got to do, I'll do it to put her in a better situation. I'll do it if I gotta come out my comfort zone, like I have lately. If you guys don't believe it or not, my wife is a social media person. Yes, I was the one that was laid back. But you know what? I had to come out of that shell. I had to evolve, you know, I had to, you know, step in for her, right? Cuz you have to understand, when the enemy tried to take her voice, he didn't, he didn't know that my voice was her voice. So I had to be the voice for the voiceless, and I had to be there to represent her. So that's why I'm so aggressive and vocal in everything that I do now, because I'm not just doing it for me. I'm doing it for us.

Natalie: 36:09

You know, I'll say this. I really respect the fact that you say I had to put my pride aside. There's I'm taking notes. JJ, and I always take notes. We're like, okay, I love to play my pride aside, because you're right. It's like this mix of pride, and it doesn't matter if you're male or female, but I'm going to tell you, I'm sure that you have done some things to support your wife, especially around like the activities of daily living, all the cleanly, clean and stuff I've cleaned my husband before, and it was not something I thought, because there were ever now and then it'd be in my head. I'd be like, Lord, now I'm gonna do this, but I didn't expect it, like you all have to help me through this, because I'm gonna need the patience of Job to get through this. Oh yeah, most definitely. And so, you know, are there? I guess that's the thing. I saw one of your posts online that you were taking your wife and they were teaching you how to put her wig on, and because you are like people I'm not talking about, he just helping with bathing and stuff. I'm talking about, he is making sure his wife that the highest level of respect and dignity is what you give her in the little things and the minutia, and not every caregiver can do that. I'm telling you right now, Terrence, I didn't care how Jason's head looked. I just need to make sure that that dancer was gone. But I'm telling you, but I always wanted him to look his best. I wanted him to I wanted him to feel because there's so many things we can't control, and what are the things that we can, we can take back and we know that person you knew your wife. Your wife is a beautiful woman. You a lucky man, my friend, she a beautiful woman. And especially with her being in hair salon and she's a costume, you know what I mean, like all that I know, and she knew what she was doing because I seen them pictures and so, right? The fact that you said it's important to me, because I know this is important to her, speaks volumes. Yes,

Unknown: 38:09

it, you know, I took it upon myself to learn how to apply wigs. So I took a wig tutorial class, and I got some people helping me with that, and I'm willing to go to the extreme, whatever it take, because I believe that love gives the advantage, and it never takes advantage, right? It always puts you in a situation where you have to be there for your spouse no matter what the circumstances. It's like, unconditional love, it has no conditions, you know what I mean. So I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone. I'm willing to do them moments and do them things that people would normally do. But you know, I find excitement and grace in it, right? Because God has gave me the grace to run this race, and I'm so excited and elated about being able to do this, because I know somebody's getting blessed somewhere by this. And I can take you back a little bit when this first happened, and I asked God why I did. I was going to ask you that I asked God why. And I don't normally question God, but I like to keep it real with God. I say, Okay, God, why? You know why this happened? Why? Why her? She's an awesome person. Why her? And so many people doing some some crazy things out here? I know you didn't bring the sickness on her. I know you didn't, but I feel like you allowed it to happen. It just me having an honest conversation with God, and he said, You know, it's because I can trust you. I said, You can trust me. He said, Yeah, because I can trust you. I can trust for one, you're not going to denounce my name. I can trust for two, you're not going to curse me. I can trust for for another one, that you going to honor your wife, you going to stand in your vows, you going to be there by her side. You gonna be that forefront? You gonna be that postal child of sickness and help for me, I can trust that I can get the glory out of your story. I can trust that, you know, man, listen, and I say, okay, you can trust me. Okay, you can trust me. And I take pride in it. He's giving me grace to run this race. Because a lot of people have asked me, How do you do it, how do you do it? How do you do it? It's not hard for me. Guys, honestly, it's not. I mean, I know people will say, Oh man, you get burnt out, you get you get weary, you get discouraged. But I find my peace and my grace in her presence. I find my comfortability in her presence. It's almost like I know this. I know my assignment, I know my calling. I know why I'm here on this earth, and that is to cover her, that is to be by her side through it all. That is to honor my vows, every corner of my vows. I'm honored to do that. And people forget about that corner, that sickness in in health corner. Yeah,

Natalie: 41:06

that's that's the truth for him.

Unknown: 41:07

They thinking about all of other corners. You know, we go on trips. We can have some fun. We go over here, we do the honeymoon, all this other stuff. What about that corner that sits in the sickness and in health? I've honored every corner of my vows, and I'm honored to do it, and God has given me the grace to run this race, and that's how I do it. I'm

Natalie: 41:28

going to tell you right now. So we got a couple minutes left, Jay, I want to do some sister questions, and I want to make sure we get a couple things in on this one. So Jay, you go first. Sorry. I'm like, oh, JJ, got a little snot sandwich going on, because people can't see a little not sandwich going on.

JJ: 41:43

I'm like, Oh my goodness. I've been like, oh my Okay, so I do have a question. So if you can't see Terrence, he is, like, decked out. He's

Natalie: 41:51

got some sass on, because

JJ: 41:54

we want to talk about calling and why things happen, and you have to look at the tell me about this foundation that you guys have created. Tell me about what is going on with your gear and how I can get involved, because I'm so,

Unknown: 42:11

yes, I'm telling you I take pride in this. We are founders, y'all, we are founders. And you know, God birthed when they say there's purpose in your pain. God birth this foundation out of our pain. It's caregivers lifestyle.org caregivers lifestyle.org It's a caregiver lifestyle foundation that was created through our story and our recovery journey. God gave me this vision a couple years ago, right? And the reason why I call it a lifestyle, because here's the thing, guys, you know, caregiving is a lifestyle. Everybody is caring for somebody, everybody is loving on somebody, everybody is, you know, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. So it's not a diet, it's not just something to do, it's a lifestyle. And when you treat it like a lifestyle, then love can endure all so it has merch on there. You guys can purchase the merch. Portion of the proceeds goes back into the organization. You can also nominate a caregiver. You can subscribe. You can also guys on there. You can also donate. And if you want to be a sponsor, email me. You can send me the information, or you can just donate it to the to the organization, and everything is available and ready for you guys. I'm excited about this foundation.

JJ: 43:38

Tell me about you guys. You pick a caregiver each month. Is that? Is that kind of you do sponsorships for caregivers? That's, yeah, I want y'all to know like, this is what your donation goes for. It's like you guys do that, which is so amazing to me.

Unknown: 43:51

Yes, we choose a caregiver every month a different states, right? We want to honor them. We want to give them that much needed mental break that they need. We want to give them that much needed push. You gotta understand, as a caregiver, you probably need that, that little extra push to get you to that next month or that next year, right? So we want to create a care care package. That's what we're doing. We going to create a care package. It going to have great things in it. It going to have massage coupons or hairdo coupons, uh, gear is going to be in there. We're going to present them a plaque as well, guys. And at the end of the year, we pick a caregiver of the year and we honor them. And my goal, my goal is to bring sponsors on so we can find vehicles for people that needed vehicles just like me. I love this, and my goal is to give somebody that three month experience. Guys, I want to give somebody that three month experience. I told you guys about the number three. So I have a caregiver life, lifestyle special, and I want to get to that point. I want to pay somebody utility. For three months. I want to give them that caregiver lifestyle experience, so it's going to be a nice package that's going to change their life.

Natalie: 45:09

I love that. I just you, are

JJ: 45:12

you got it? I mean, I'm like, I get excited.

Natalie: 45:14

I'm like, yes, very reward. Yeah. Well, and I think you know what, you've taken your pain and made it a blessing to other people, and you know, he asked us to stay true and to you got to trust me, and I didn't have you walk his path for no reason, and it's really and that's how I feel about it, and that's why we created the podcast. Is what are you going to do with this experience? You can do nothing with it, or you can take it. And nobody says you have to go do a podcast or create a foundation, but it just says it's just, if you, if you don't, in my mind, if you don't do something with it, even internally, for yourself, and you make a change for that, you've missed the message. You just missed the message. Okay, I have my last question, and then we're going to go to after the confession, because there's some more to ask. So, okay, what is your favorite guilty pleasure? It's my favorite question. What is the one thing that you do just for yourself? Ah,

Unknown: 46:14

I'm a sports fan nanny, right? I love to watch sports. And that's kind of, that's kind of how I get away from, I want to say society, but I watch sports a lot, right? And, you know, I used to eat the sweets I got. I got off of that. So now I'm in this pescatarian mode now where I'm doing pescatarian now I'm trying that, and I feel a lot better. Honestly, you will me too. That's a full time caregiver. You have to really be careful with certain things, because now you got to change the way you eat. You got to change the way you do things. And so I'm on a different journey now with that. You know what I mean? So, um, I don't know. I don't, you know, I feel guilty when I'm doing anything without my wife. Let's just say that favorite sports team, huh?

JJ: 47:05

Who's your favorite sports team? Besides

Natalie: 47:07

Alabama,

Unknown: 47:08

don't you stay in Dallas Cowboys, Dallas Cowboys and Alabama. Roll Tide is my favorite.

JJ: 47:16

So you're also, I

Natalie: 47:17

feel like you also probably subscribe to Jermaine, the funny man. I think we know who he is, Jermaine. You know what I'm talking about. Jermaine, the funny man. If you haven't watched him, he's, he's comedian and he but he does all the Alabama breakdown. Anyway, we digress. We will continue this conversation and after the confession, guys, parents, thank you so much for blessing us today. I love this.

Unknown: 47:39

It was a pleasure absolutely anytime. Ladies, anytime. Ladies, anytime. Absolutely

Natalie: 47:43

guys, thank you for listening in and make sure you check out after the confession, we've got more to share. Thanks so much till we confess again. See you next time. Well, friends, that's a wrap on this week's confession again. Thank you so much for listening, but before you go, please take a moment to leave us a review and tell your friends about the confessions podcast. Don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our newsletter. You'll also find the video recording of all of our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube channel. Don't worry, all the details are included in the show notes below. We'll see you next Tuesday, when we come together to confess again. Till then, take care of you. Okay, let's talk disclaimers. You may be surprised to find out, but we are not medical professionals and are not providing any medical advice. If you have any medical questions, we recommend that you talk with a medical professional of your choice. As always, my sisters and I, at Confessions of a reluctant caregiver, have taken care in selecting speakers, but the opinions of our speakers are theirs alone. The views and opinions stated in this podcast are solely those of the contributors and not necessarily those of our distributors or hosting company. This podcast is copyrighted and no part can be reproduced without the expressed written consent of the sisterhood of care LLC, thank you for listening to the confessions of our reluctant caregiver podcast.