Parkinson's Warrior: Turning Pain into Purpose Through Advocacy

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George Ackerman shares his personal caregiving journey caring for his mother, Sharon, who battled Parkinson's disease for 15 years. As a New York native turned Florida resident, George came from a background of success as a lawyer and police officer. However, when his mother's Parkinson's progressed and she needed more support, George stepped up to become her primary caregiver. 

He faced many challenges in caring for his mother, from managing her hallucinations and dementia to struggling to find trustworthy in-home caregivers. Throughout it all, George found purpose in advocating for others affected by Parkinson's through the foundation he started called Together for Sharon. Even after losing his mother, George continues fighting to support those diagnosed with Parkinson's, their caregivers, and others who have lost loved ones to the disease. He shares his story openly to raise awareness of the challenges of male caregivers and hopes to be a voice for those who feel unseen in their caregiving journeys.

About George:

Dr. George Ackerman (Sharon’s son) is from Brooklyn, N.Y. Now residing in Florida, he works in the fields of law, police, and education. George lost his mother, Sharon Riff Ackerman on 1/1/2020 due to Parkinson’s Disease. 

George wanted to honor his mother and continue to help in the Parkinson’s awareness cause, but he did not know how to bring about change. We started TogetherForSharon® as a family to keep my mother, Sharon Riff Ackerman, ’s memory alive and share the message of Parkinson’s Awareness and hope for a cure.

Today https://www.togetherforsharon.com/ reaches thousands of individuals across the country for PD Awareness. George currently interviews individuals throughout the Parkinson’s community including various foundations, caregivers, and Parkinson’s warriors to help share their stories and causes. 

Connect with George:

Websitehttps://www.togetherforsharon.com/

Emailtogetherforsharon@gmail.com 

LinkedIn   https://www.linkedin.com/in/george-ackerman-ph-d-esq-mba-00871a82/ 

TikTokhttps://www.tiktok.com/@togetherforsharon1

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Transcript

Unknown: 0:02

Hey guys, it's your favorite sisters with the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast and you're listening to after the confession. Now, let's listen in as it was just getting good. Don't start it. I know you're going to do it, you're going to start saying, I know I went ahead and just jumped in as the podcast started. I was like, don't seriously has no clue what you're doing. I know. I jumped in or like, look at JJ ta I know. Right. Right off the bat there were like, is this Confessions of a reluctant caregiver? It sure as heck is and I'm gonna say, Good morning. Good morning. It's great to see you. Love you. Good morning. George has no clue that I love to sing on the oh my gosh, I'm gonna start doing that. Like, I'm gonna be like, stop. Everybody's gonna be like, oh, gosh, I can't do that. That was my guitar. Oh, we have another you have a man. There's a boy. And there's a. J, I am so excited. Because we have our bestie, our brother in care here today to talk with us to talk about his caregiving journey with his mom, Sharon. And, Jay, I'd love for you to tell everyone about George. Hey, guys, I get to talk again. I'm so excited. So today now like we have somebody really special and you've already told that it was George and every person for us is special, because we can relate to everyone because they're caregivers. But George shares a pain and he shares a battle that we share with Parkinson's disease with his mother, Sharon, he cared for his mother. And he has extended into her legacy with together for Sharon, that foundation. I call it a movement because George it is a movement. But today we're here to talk about George as a male caregiver. And they are a hidden tribe of men out there that we're working to, to really shine a lot on. George, we are so happy to have you here with us today. We should probably say George's last name because he's like he's like Madonna is this. Dr. George Ackerman. Now George is a New York native. However, he lives in Florida. Natalie says she's going to live with him because him and his wife Oh, kids, because he's in Florida. That I mean, might as well wait. George is like welcome. And so he is so but we need to you know, Natalie says you were born. And so you were in New York, and then somehow you ended up in Florida. So there's kind of the story right there. But kind of tell us a little bit. We need a little background here. George, give us some backstory about backstory about your life. Thank you both. I just want to thank you and your family and all your viewers for giving me the opportunity. It means the world to us. My background is I'm from Brooklyn, New York, I grew up my mother really was my hero and inspiration to not only my best friend, but always there by my side. And she unfortunately was divorced and my father and good way that didn't happen. And she didn't take that leap to Florida, I would never have met my wife and my support and my kids. So I really thank her for that too, even though that wasn't the topic, but she built something in a family. She had a master's in psychology. She was a school teacher, but she actually sacrifice everything to help me. My brother, you know, Raisa, so that's where the drive I guess comes from today where I don't want to give up in her memory. And I wouldn't be the man I am today. Or even the MEF caregiver if it wasn't for her sacrifice. Oh, I love that. Okay, so as you're here, brother, he has a brother. So there's two of them. So George, Are you the oldest of the baby. Now the oldest. I'm the one unfortunately that really took the burden of most of the caregiving and stepped up. My brother wasn't able to but I've whenever faced with any adversity of challenge in my life, I fight back as you can probably see, and I don't know what it is. Maybe it's something my mother instilled in me but throughout my life, I started off my career before the world of caregiving as a lawyer became a lawyer in DC in Florida, passed the bar there federal Florida and I always had a passion for helping victims of crime. So I did an internship at the prosecutor's office but I found that just so many cases we didn't have time to like sit down with family members. So I was upset that decided to kind of go in a different world and went inside to the police field became a police officer went to the Miami Academy Amos was really rough because I was kind of the trainee was a hit and a lawyer so that was double boom. Okay, wait a second, George. i Okay. So you have to understand I am a total Interrupting cow and I'm sure Our audience hates that. But I'm sitting here like, Okay, you're an attorney. Were you public defender, were you what was the attorney what was the prosecution side, but I did do defense after I left there, and I was an intern. So I didn't actually, I saw how it was It wasn't, you know, setting needed new criminals in prison. And actually, I'm a professor to get to, but I teach individuals in jail to get their degrees because going from prosecutor is really an again, no fabulous pro police and everything I didn't think they could do wrong. And being a defend the defense so did white collar crime, I did see the need for both sides and how important it was. And then also going into the police field. It opened my eyes, unfortunately, again, you have to hand and brochure to victims and move on, just don't have time. So that's where I was kind of in a in a struggle, because I really wanted to help victims. But I couldn't add that those stumped for me wasn't the way to do it. So thankfully, I found to education and I became a professor and I did my PhD in criminal justice. I'm not a medical doctor, I only play one on TV. The nice thing is, I was able to finally find what my dream was. And I said, I need a knee with African American mothers who lost their loved one due to murder and West Palm Beach, Florida. My entire 300 Page dissertation was how to reintegrate the family members of loved ones back into society, and they're often thought of as secondary victims. And that again, correlates in my opinion to the Parkinson's community. Because as both of you and all the listeners who are aware of Parkinson's, the government here in the US really hasn't really given any care, in my opinion, or maybe they just didn't have knowledge in the Parkinson's community. And thankfully, last December, that passed through the house, the first ever national plant and Parkinson's disease, and that really changed history going forward. But again, the Parkinson's community and even myself, I'm sure you might feel I feel left out a lot. And that's why I fight today as a caregiver, but from caregiver to advocate because there's so many people, like both of you who I feel become like family who I spend more time with family, I can yell down about that, you know, everyone's got a purpose. And I'm just gonna keep fighting for those who are diagnosed today, those caregivers like both of you, who are still caring, and now again, I'm shifting a little bit not forgetting that shifting to people like me, who are caregivers, unfortunately, who lost a loved one due to Parkington is really millions of people like me, unfortunately, a lot of people kind of move on, which is okay, and get back to life. But I can move on, because I feel like my mother, in a way was robbed of a lot of her life living and after I hear you, George, and I'm gonna tell everybody, like, if you don't follow George on LinkedIn, or Facebook, or all of his social media platforms, he's everywhere. He is super passionate. But I'm gonna force George to go back. We're gonna push him back. And so it was very interesting to me that you said, I went from being an attorney, to then you went to to be an officer in Miami. And you you sort of seem like a northerner, George. I mean, I don't want to I don't know if you know that or not, your accent is really not Miami. And, um, and then the fact that you go to the beach, I don't know, I don't want to say that, like you and JJ, don't go to the beach. Definitely be like family, because we have about the same complexion. My kids, my wife's Cuban, and I love the Cuban world and the whole culture, and they don't look like they're just looking at your wife. You're like that he's nice. And she's like, Yeah, and your wife is. George's wife is beautiful. She's hope one day you'll get to speak to her but she actually said she married me for my resume. Now we're getting the true story of George here it is. Now Georgia is the red hair, which I was happy at. And usually they say tall, dark and handsome and I'm left out. Oh, this is okay. So okay, George. I mean, you know, I think it was interesting that you said that, you know, I It sounds like you're a little bit pro divorce. I hate to say that in your family. And but but you're right. Had your mom not moved and taken you down to Florida. Your path might have gone a little differently. Had you stayed a northerner, I'm not pro divorce. I've actually took that course and lost couldn't destroy it. So I don't I'm for marriage. Oh, no, no, no. You are pro divorce personally, potentially for your mom and your dad. That's my mother. I mean, my wife and I are 12 years almost constraints. Again, maybe we'll get to that she was the only way I made it through You know, the tough times and caregiver world, you don't take a course for that. I didn't, I wasn't prepared for it. You know, I might have a lot of school, but I didn't know, you know, I don't want to curl the damn thing about, you know, taking care of anyone, let alone my own mother, who's my best friend. So you're down in Florida, you're with your family, you're you've grown up, you've become you've done all these wonderful things. And I know for us with our mom, mom started showing signs of Parkinson's at 48. So what were the first signs for you and your brother? That, you know, you know what, tell us a little bit about that a little bit back there. And then of course, how that impacted you? Yeah, a quick note, I know, I wasn't an officer, Mommy, I became an officer through the academy there. And then also, to go with assurances in the foundation, my goal was not to become one, I really just wanted to be one son and one voice, just trying to change the world and everything that's donated, we don't accept donations or anything that goes to other organizations. And maybe later we'll talk on that. But my goal today is just to send love and support and I don't want anything in return no money, nothing. So that's important for me. And that just to get back to your question, it's uh, you know, she had it for 15 years. But part of my struggle even today is that she didn't tell us really much about it until it took over the last four years. She was an incredible independent woman didn't really want to burden us with things even today, you'll laugh but I tell people, George, she would say right now my advocacy, George, stop doing it. Go spend time with your family. And she'd be laughing because that's how she was she really was about family and just a lot of life. She's loved fitness and things. And so the last four years, I saw her go from someone who can walk a few miles to the cane for two years in a walker than wheelchair them that down. And I can't even explain still today to my kids, you know what happened to their grandmother. But the first sign it's really for me, again, thankfully. So in the future, my book is finally coming out. And one of the chapters is called for a sign. So maybe sometimes I don't have the time to really want to touch on everything. But that'll really go in depth on everything. But around maybe six years before she hits difference in her left arm. And she couldn't really eat when we ate out too. Sometimes we want to help her. But it wasn't something that changed her life, she was still able to be independent still drive. So live alone still have a friend. And though she really must have suffered a lot and didn't tell us also, not sure how if she was diagnosed too late, if she was, you know, even misdiagnosed, or she just again, didn't want to tell me but I don't regret anything. I don't think I could have changed anything different. At the point I came involved though she was going through a study. That was like the last hope we had tried. We tried 15 doctors, you name it from therapy to even got a license to the medical marijuana, which you to probably love that story seeing a cop going into a store. I was looking at the video cameras petrified. They'll know I'm in here. Well, I get fired. You know, George, let me ask you this. How old was your mom, when her first symptoms started coming on the fun part again. That's not the fun part. But I need your help. And she was 69 Unfortunately, when she passed someone was 2020. So if your mind is up by 15 That's approximately one when that I'm not a mathematician, so we won't know. But that's not far. But here's the thing, George, I mean, that's not far off from our mom, our mom is 69 right now. And so mom was 48 when the symptoms started and 52 when she was diagnosed, that you're very similar track. I mean 54 Mom, that was yeah, for basically it was hard to her to know. It's a constant struggle for me still, even as a caregiver advocate is that I still don't understand what happened because we were told by 20 doctors, you don't die of Parkinson's, you die with it. My mother had no other health issues, but back quickly. So besides that, then she started not for a while but the last four years she went for a trial. And I don't say names and things but I don't blame doctors. I blame the disease that she came home that day and I don't know if they drastically changed her medicine. But I found her at 4am I rushed over and she was moving her furniture out of her house at 4am and she thought there were Nazis inside that were going to harm her and that's where we think we found out she had late onset dementia and the hallucinations are huge UTI and I rushed to the hospital and they said we saved a life but then a way that was one her life started to go down those four years and also forget that our image but one of the worst memories which I can't get it's ingrained in my brain not to be negative but I always find that the light in the darkness we'll get to but I went to her house to pick up some clothes and as you all probably use you know we have these post it notes that we used to remind remind what she had the room like almost like the moon The Beautiful Mind, all over the room with names of animals and people who aren't in reality there anymore. And I was I've never seen anything like that before. That's again, something that keeps me up at night, and makes me keep wanting to fight for those like your family and people, like your mother, and I'll never stop till we find a cure. And that hurts my heart. I see JJ Taran. No, no, George, it's totally fine. Because the thing is, is that this is the thing that is so hard about Parkinson's or about dementia or Alzheimer's, or, or I think about my friend who's in his 40s, who has ALS. It's we have these very cruel diseases that take our loved ones and, and just, they it feels like they just destroys them, and we feel helpless. And I don't know about you, George. I feel very helpless at and I felt helpless with my husband when he had cancer, and I couldn't do anything except watch. And we feel helpless with our mom. And that's overwhelming because helplessness then leans at times to guilt. Did you experience any of that feelings of helplessness and any amount of guilt for not being able to do something I mean, you sound like a doer, George. My mother was a planner. And she taught I mean, she was incredible. She planned and I ended life topics that we don't even everyone doesn't like to discuss the tough topics. But we had her power of attorney at some point. We had the will. And she even did her own funeral but not planning for Parkinson. Because again, we were told that was not possible. But I went through every emotion from grief, sadness, depression, anger, feeling like quitting. The biggest thing that haunts me still holding her hand and her looking at me and saying she wants to be there for her kid grand daughter Brookes wedding. And I didn't know what to say. And even now, like, it's hard for you to hear this, I have trouble even four years later talking about actually, I'm strong here I'm six to 200 pound police law enforcement reserve, but I'll go in the office with my wife out there and fall apart, you know, just not easy. And I had a honour few months a month ago to meet Mr. Michael J. Fox. And that was a touching story. But when I met him, it was you know, think when your life lesson was such a great feeling. But it was homeless, like amazing. But at the same time, I saw my mother and him because now we go to Atlanta since today, he actually had to be wheelchair it out on stage to award he won. That was you know, it's like it's a battle in our emotion. Even still, today, I don't have answers, which thinks, and I just keep fighting again, for other people who might not have a voice and those who we've lost, who still have a voice and I just posted last night, which some of my next book, which we're not gonna get to, is really to fight for those who haven't, they still have a voice like, I feel like my mother still matters. And my journey hasn't ended yet, until we find a cure for others. But sometimes we're left out at the table and the conversation which might be the name. Well, and Jay, I'm gonna take a quick break for our first commercial break. And we'll be right back because we want to keep following up with George. I don't know about you, but my inbox is always cluttered with useless emails. But there's one, always open the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver newsletter. You may say, Natalie, what makes your so special? Well, I'm biased, but don't just take my word for it. Here's what our subscribers say they love. First, it comes once per month, and you can read it in under five minutes. Next, you will find amazing tips and resources to use in your everyday life. And who doesn't love a recommendation the sisters do, which is why we share sister approved products and discount lengths to save you time and money. And of course, your first know about the upcoming months confessions. Just like our show, you're guaranteed to relate. Be inspired. Leave with helpful tips and resources and of course, laugh go to our website Confessions of a reluctant caregiver.com Sign up for our newsletter today. Everybody, thanks for coming back. We are here today with George Ackerman and he is sharing his caregiving story about his mother and about his journey of caring for her with Parkinson's. And George I'm gonna jump in. Because something that's really touching me I've already teared up Natalie saw me and she's like, I'm going to cover for this because JJ is really getting it. No covering tears. Like sometimes. It's a crier, laughing something that really gets me George and you're part of our mayor male caregiving series. I'm not gonna get upset now because I'm going to talk but there are several times during this podcast that you've said one of the worst homes one of the hardest homes And when you talk about the when you talk about the room that has all the post it notes, when you talk about those things that you can't get out of your mind. Those are the things I feel like I have those memories of mom when I went to pick her up when I had to drive in about five hours and and she was in the state of a psychosis her doctors had overmedicated her. And when I got there, um, she wouldn't talk to me she would only chew on a pencil. And how important I guess how important do you feel like it is for people to talk about that to share that? Because I feel like if you hold that in, if you don't share that, that's when you can really be overwhelmed. That's when the depression and you really, how important do you feel that is for men to share that story? That's very important. And it's funny in a way because until a month or two ago, I knew somebody approached me about mail caregiving event and I didn't even know what they're talking about. Because I never even realized I never thought second thought about like, if my mother needed me, I wouldn't be there. I did have a weird. Ironically, a nurse once told me towards the end of my mom's life, that we had hospice, but like for a year, it was like a long term thing. And she said, Well, you're doing amazing. I said, What are you talking about? The nurse said, most families unfortunately can't do you know what I'm doing and won't be there as much they some of them even have a home and then the different state is that life brings you and I'm like a serious I never even heard of that. And then only a month or two literally from we're speaking. Somebody asked me to speak at a mouth conference. And I'm like, I'd love to, but I didn't even know that this is an issue. Now. There's a chapter also or piece of my book because I think more men have to stand up. I always I'm proud of being a mama's boy. And there's another day that doesn't go by like I said, we spoke 10 times on the phone. And I can see here that she was by my side at law school graduation, the police photo, you'll see maybe put up a me and my mother, my pulley my first police show my new uniform, and she didn't want me to be an officer ever. And she told me to quit every day. And thankfully, in a way, she didn't make it to COVID. And what happened after the whole world was so she wouldn't have made it through that either. I think but so you know, I think it's very important to talk about, I feel like I'm grieving and you to help me more than you'll ever know. I don't want to start joining you on a Barbara Walters. Real life stuff, I mean, my mother, to me her memories, so but we have an empty seat at the holiday tables. And that's not easy. And you know, my daughter was seven at that appointment. She love him. You know, I try to tell the three kids all about her my littlest one was a one or two, he won't even honestly know her or remember her. And I'm actually going to work on a kid's book in the future because I didn't I had trouble. I already wrote it. It's just to get the right. You know, Illustrator, but I didn't know how to explain this one specific time to talk about it. Tough time. My mother, my daughter, Brooke, she was about seven we were sitting on a Sunday on her bed, just visiting her cut her only moments that she loves to even do due to Parkinson's and the toughest time was when the grandkids were there because although she didn't want to live with us at the point because she didn't want to hear them screaming all day she loved when they did run over and we even put a little playroom for them. And it was totally a mess like a disaster. We're all need freak. So that was a trouble. So we're sitting there my mother started talking her you know, her quilt and saying how much she loves Brooke and Brooke looked at me and like kind of get go but didn't in a weird way because it like confused. And I didn't have anything to say because I didn't know what the heck to say what was going on. But it was the delusions, my mother thought her quilt was my daughter and she was hugging her. So it was those are the stories that come out. And if you don't talk about them, then we can never really resolve our own inner problem issues with this. But also again, this whole entire chapter is called The final year. And that was the for me the something I can't even describe but I did keep a journal and I'm not really like a journal er but I posted on social media and not as much now. And I even had some weird challenges somebody actually I'm writing about this told me that my mother didn't pass and I didn't I'm not really a person. I guess they were victims of some kind of scam even as you know a 911 and said horrific times people take advantage of people but that was like another like a whack a mole thing hitting me my mother just passed a few weeks prior and this some stranger saying that I'm not real. So now we have challenges and but I think no matter what, like a person like that, or they'll never stop me to advocate for others. You have to talk about the stories to go back to what you're saying but you're gonna see and you might not want to read it. It's not going to be a book for everyone, which I don't mind because that's not what I'm doing it for. But it'll take you Literally through the last year, I put dates times my mother calling me screaming that someone's harming her. But they weren't. I didn't steal video cameras and my police side throughout our house because we had and I didn't want her to be in a home because we swore we wouldn't. And there were times where we had care. I don't call them caregivers anymore, like people like babysitters, it cost me 12,000 a month to have her bath 24/7 Because she didn't sleep the medicine to destroying her stomach. So anyway, back to me, and it was just so much for me to deal with. So we moved her closer, you hired these people, but I had to go through like 10 Different organizations fire with ALS, because no one knew they didn't know Parkinson's was one drag my mother out of the house to our house to get tires, just some of them. So I'm sitting there like trying to work, you know, how my family and make sure my mother's safe. And my dream and goal was a shoo in for it. Because if you fall, it's an added. And it's like, so all this was going on. And so I again, documented it all and put it in it's weaved throughout the book and just something for people who don't know what it is and you know, aren't ready for that to know if they really want to. So it's going to be a book where it's really happy and think that there's a chapter, you need to see that you may not want because that's why I think sometimes I'm Shandur in my opinion isolated because there are people who have Parkinson people, currently caregiving, but the ones who are lost, and to me still matter, but we are a segment, I think that are forgotten. And some people like that, because they want to move on, but I'm not gonna I'm not one of them. I try to you know, find a cure for everyone else. Right. So George, you just mentioned three things. And I know Natalie, and I probably caught it. You're, you're working, you're married, and you have children. And also you're taking care of your mom. So we're throwing one more, which isn't fun, but I'm actually having a third spine surgery on May 21. So I have a lot of that might be unfortunately, I have major issues to deal with in my life. And no reason why I don't have an exciting police chase or some kind of related to it. I woke up at 42. And I was a basketball player but woke up at 42 and couldn't get out of bed and I've had to fly out like didn't work. This is the left shot. That doesn't work, which I'm going to be positive. I'm going to look into the stimulator thing, but I have no time for that. I want to let's let's go back when you when you did say about me? No, no, no, that is what I want you to jump back and tell me about that. When you're taking these these these last years for your mom, and you've got all this time. Tell me about also, during that time emotionally, taking that time for your family, your marriage, tell me about what's going on with you mentally, physically. I mean, I have two chapters that are going to be on my partner, my wife and my children, the kids without them, I wouldn't be here today. Probably I mean, I'm not that dangerous to myself and things of that nature. But I could see people getting to the point my mother wasn't just the person. Again, she was my best friend. And then we I remember, there's a funny story. Good memory. I don't even think I mentioned it, which I wish I hate when you have a book and then you want to go back but I can't. So I My dream was to have a Corvette and I finally was able to afford one. It was a blue like baby blue. Like, I have the Panther on my shirt. And it was like a dream. So I took it I never used it because I just was one on one. It died a few times in the garage, because I worked up at night. So I started taking my mother on like mom and son date. So we go once a month. And thankfully I was in South Florida. It took her some of the most beautiful hotels like in Miami and epic and things like that. And it was just like so much fun. So the first thing is my mother when I met my wife, she's like, Oh, now there goes my mother was my wife and my mother became like instantly best friends to which was a dream because you know some families it's not that easy against but so what we did is even when I met my wife, we started dating, we took my mother with us on the day. We couldn't use the Corvette anymore. Yeah. life was ruined my support. I even went to psychology and thing but didn't really it wasn't for me, but I'm honored and really grateful that I have someone that like you will have hopefully your sisters and that's a huge sisterhood. I don't really have a with the Brotherhood. And my brother is amazing, but he just wasn't able to whatever reason to do much at all. Even today. So did you Brett does your brother live in Florida? Yeah, he does. But he has, you know his own life and his own things and he wasn't really even mentally you know, this is a lot of mental health this topic, whether men male, female caregiver You can lose your sanity, I think I might have at some points where I wanted to just give up and put her in a home. And I even told my wife, we have to look, I can't take it because I'm not trained and not seeing your loved one kind of deteriorate in a sad way is horrifying. So maybe some thought in my head is if you put her in a home, you don't have to deal with it. But I didn't want to do that because I wanted to know where she was how she was, and make sure if she wasn't in harm. We had video cameras, like I said, when she said she was being harmed. Thankfully she wasn't. But I did catch a neglecting her. At night. She didn't sleep due to the medicines were destroying her gut. And I remember her getting up and screaming for help just to go the bathroom and no one came. So we fired that birth in the next morning. So you know, there's just so many challenges and even today, reliving them is not the simplest thing now that Jay, we need to take one more break. And we'll be right back with George right. Do you love to listen to podcast, so do we and these sisters are excited to support our fellow sister in care Nicole will host of navigating the world with your aging loved one. As former guests ourselves. We love how Nicole explores the world of aging and care. Beyond the informative interviews, Nicole's gathered helpful resources and practical tools that encourage and give hope to caregivers navigating the aging journey with their loved ones for a more meaningful and fulfilled life. You can find the call wherever you download your favorite podcasts or go to her website, www dot we'll gather.com We are back with George Ackerman and we are talking about his family life during the care for his mom. Because George is married, was married during that time as well worked and also had children. So a true life of a caregiver Natalie, you know, it's exactly the life of a caregiver because we typically are not. We're just not independently wealthy sitting over here eating bonbons waiting for caregiving to stop. I don't know about you, George but I don't just sit around eating bonbons. I am working full time. And I'm assuming you're working or more and I love that. Oh, George is gonna let out his guilty confession at some point. Yeah, so I think you know, how much time so you're going over. It sounds like you're going over and you're saying your mom every day. You have an army of people who said it sounds like kind of supporting her. So because she never moved in with you. She wanted to remain in her own home but you moved her closer. Is that what you were saying? There? We bought a home she lived in Boca Raton, Florida, which was only 10 minutes that I bought a beautiful brand new home like literally from scratch. And we wanted her to pick it out was like a dream for a son to buy your mother home. Yeah, and have no have no more nothing. Unfortunately, you know, I remember the day I have a picture of who said I liked her life like her face lit up in joy when she walked in. It was brand new and sparkling because I think they don't have facts, but I think she gained Parkington due to the environment in her old house. She had a nice house but didn't really keep it up. She had mold and termites and nothing against her but that stuff and who the heck knows what they sprayed definitely did something because she was very healthy. She had no other issues medically at all. So I'm a big believer of the environment. And now you can see cases like the PowerCLI and all these the water and the template June it's horrible. And the government needs to step in and do more. They're just not you know, she we moved her to a home community over so I could rush over if she knew me. And then we actually decided like the last year to sell that and bring her to my house where I live now. Unfortunately, she never made it and there's a room here that's literally was for her. And every time I walk through that by the room it's not easy still. I'll probably have to live with that forever and just ironically, are both communities touch although they're different. It's the same street that you could have gone right straight to her house. Every day I'm kind of reliving it and I'm the kind of person no offense to anyone but when you break up with them when you're in the dating world, you throw all their stuff out and Angela Bassett your exes and you burn write the script, George. That's a good thing. I can't do that. Obviously, I still have my mother some of her most amazing memorable thing but one aspect that I don't want you to think about. It's really tough as I call it, the aftermath. You know, after we were shocked when she passes it wasn't expected and I'm still shocked because they told us she won't. So you know cleaning out her house, selling it things like that were torture because it was during COVID and no one was buying home so this is kind of dragged on. Eventually we just got or we didn't even care for was for free. That I just it was just heartbreaking. And that's another chapter I touch on. But you know, like out of the darkness unfortunately brings a lot of good life meeting you to become family, all your viewers and listeners and the people who have opened their arms to me, of course, they're, you know, unprecedented. It's been tough. But, you know, I respect everybody's decision, privacy and thing. But I might have been on a different journey in a way, a year ago, I didn't realize there are about a million people in the US but 10 million in the world and that kind of smacking the value and even think of other world rest of the world that I was on a journey a year ago, after I discovered an organization to make it not just about me and my mother, but everybody affected by Parkinson's, I really concentrated more on those diagnosed and caregivers today. Lacking that I didn't even realize I forgot myself when that's where I've kind of not shifting, but moving now to the world of people like me who lost a loved one due to any disease and their memory of their loved one because they still not know tell me to urge about support during Parkinson's because that's something I feel that it was missing. It continues to be missing now. And for people tell me about Parkinson specifically support groups that you wish or that you found there in the Florida area, but that are nationwide as well. Like what was missing? And what would you wish you'd had and then what's there now, I mean, I started together for sure on.com. And I thought four or five people would see it and the teeny counter. And we realized last week over 30,000 people have visited but I didn't expect that. I think that's because of that people are looking for some help or someone like a voice for the voiceless. And I didn't join I got called a lot of people unfortunately migratory fact didn't have a presence in South Florida. I called the few others only one that did shows the American Parkinson Disease Association who have donated about $16,000 In the last four years from my own family and literally want nothing in return. But the reason it was tough, she showed up and she offered moving bar and it was too late, that it meant a lot that they just showed up. Unfortunately, I didn't see much out there. It's all scattered like a mess like chaos, like because I was already going through chaos. caregiver, I didn't know what to call I called number call this support nothing. And look, that's why I decided to start it because I put all those organizations for free. On our site. It's under partnerships. I also don't know how I started my own podcasts we have two of them actually is more of a one is q&a with Sharon son, George, we're interviewing incredible people like both of you coming up about your experiences where you fought your fight on your mother. And then we started that together for sure on podcasts where it's my wife and I and that's really unique because it brings a female perspective and I keep quiet. I like when I love when she she doesn't have the time like me or even kind of want it because she's more you know, with the kids. And anytime I even meeting Mr. Michael J. Fox was her call, like, I don't go out a lot to the events because I'm just so busy. I'm a professor, I teach around the country. And that's my full time career to like, I don't have time to even go to the bathroom. George doesn't get tea breaks, either totally relate. Or even even Next, I want to do eating lunch. Right. So I didn't I was gonna I wasn't gonna go. But she looked at me. And we both looked at each other. And she said, Just do it. Because you never know. It might be a once in a lifetime. Unfortunately, he's not doing as well. And I'm so honored that I had that moment. But if it wasn't for her support, I wouldn't be able to do that there were many days where she wanted to be there with my mother. But I was alone and she was taking care of the family. And then there were times where this is incredible. That's so amazing. And it's in my book, she wanted my mother in for little teeny moments to still feel like a person because Parkinson doesn't define you. It's a disease, it's horrible, but you can still do anything you can to fight it. And she actually brought like metal, pedicures and girly manicures are not awesome. And she brought like a hairdresser. And just I mean some days she was too sick. But those days that she wasn't she really loved it. And, you know, he just wanted to keep her comfortable, happy as much as we can. And just speaking about it's still baffling. I'm still confused as to what the heck happened and, you know we could do is just keep her memory alive. And even if we reach one person today through your audience, you know, then we change the world for the better. And I don't consider this a podcast or a talk. It has to be a continual conversation that doesn't ever end until we find it sounds like you have first of all this. He's an ally. It sounds like you had a team with you, you know, and your wife was definitely the partner. But I also like that, you know, you talk about the girly stuff that you were okay to step aside and say okay, Hey, Mom needs that I'm gonna bring in my partner because she knows about that stuff better, and that you were considerate to your mom's needs. Because sometimes the guys don't know about everything. And I think about dad with mom, and kind of, you know, he was like, maybe the girls need to take care of that. And I love that, George, that you were okay with that. You're like, I gotta have a girl partner too. Sometimes I gotta let somebody step in. I like that well, and share the burden, because let's just be honest, here's the thing, George, it's not that your mom was a burden. But caregiving itself is hard. And so it can feel like Gosh, this is this is hard to carry. Not that you don't want to do it. And that's the thing that I think that we always talk about on the podcast. It's not that we don't want to do it some days. I don't want to do it. I'm going to tell you, George, I didn't want to crawl under the stall at Walmart to help my mom because the floor was so nasty, but what was more important, getting my coat completely disgusting, and I'm pretty sure I burned it or help my mom. And so burn things, burn the burn. Do burn a lot of stuff. I'm not gonna lie to you, but we're from Tennessee, Georgia, and we like to burn some stuff. You know, but I think that's I think that's the important thing is that, you know, did you ever have those moments where you're just like, this is just too hard. This is I don't I don't want to deal with this today. Not that you would deal with your mom. It's I don't want to deal with Parkinson's today. You bring up an important challenge for a male side as even the bathroom I didn't want like we said a video but obviously we'd never touched the bat. I didn't know what was going on there. I didn't want him to you know, I put in like stings to help her stand up and Stacy We even bought like we bought I bought anything she wants just to make her kind of come to it by the chair that helps you she hated the chair. She hated the bed. She always told me a lot. But I said we I think a lot of challenges not just as a caregiver, but specifically as a male. I don't think I had a team. I know it sounds interesting wrong. But I hired these people kind of liked it to watch her. But I didn't trust one of them is a stranger, bringing a stranger many of them. Some didn't speak English, which is very annoying. So they bring on more added challenges. My mother was scared of them. Some of them I don't know if you know, because you're living your whole life independent and you got these weird and they wrote it to you. Yeah, like for people. It is crazy. Horrible. Like, thankfully and sadly the last six months, we found two people who became like my heroes to the balloon. I don't know why that always. Okay, that is hilarious. Well, that was a good good time. Everybody missed it. There were balloons thankfully found stuff and actually fits because the two people who toys the last time in her life she loved so that was really because that actually helped me as a caregiver. I didn't have to call her. I mean, she was calling 1000 times a day complaining, worried that Friday and I had to remove her last few months, her. She called the police in fear. We had to remove her phone a certain point and I'm a cop she had a gun in the house trained her cuz she lived female and living alone. I was scared she'd use it and me and God forbid, though, there's a lot of things you don't even think about, like you don't plan for that stuff. And there were a lot of challenges for a male side. But I think again, for any caregiver. And I just love talking to you both because I have some we could talk for 20 hours and you will never want to talk to me. Because also you all both hit on topics that I really want to talk about. And again, been on a lot of these but it means the world to be able to talk about tough topics and bring out things that people really do want to hear well, yeah, go it's it's interesting. The things that we talk about, though, George and I don't think it even is just Parkinson's. But as people become more ill or if there's, you know, dementia or Alzheimer's, things like that, where you you know, phones, you know, a mom calls me constantly, and sometimes she does do the emergency call and then she sends me the location where she is. She sends me the location and I'm like, Mom, I know where you are never leaves that. Look. She never leaves. We know where you're gonna accidentally. My mother wasn't good at Oh, no. She sends it to me constantly. And I'm like, Mom, please stop sending me your location. I absolutely know where you are. Like, I would tell him to keep sending him but it broke my heart and I'm sacrificing our own. Same thing with firearms. She did have a firearm in her house after dad passed. You know, I didn't really thought anything about it. But then there was that point where she was depressed. And I thought you know what, first of all, you know, would shoot me at some point, but you know, she could harm herself. You know, I really started thinking about things like that. And you begin to get concerned about could she what what things could she harm herself with what could she get hurt when she didn't mean to, you know, accidentally and there was a point where when she was living with Emily, the stove became a danger for her. And when you have to think of out things like that, you know, no matter what the disease is, that becomes that becomes a hard place that starts to that becomes a scary time in any disease. I know that was a that was a big decision for us and having when we did have to place mom in skilled nursing, when you know that they've they've progressed that far. So I listened to your journey. And I'm like, George is our heart because there's so much of the story that's the same, it's very similar to that. Driving is probably the one of the most difficult things is again, you have someone who's 60 You know, let's say it's for the time five, and you're taking away their power like we I don't go anywhere friends without driving you my wife gets mad, because I want to be in control of where we're going to control person George only drive our life the boss, everything else. You've been married a long time. Your wife's the boss. No, but I think you know, taking that away, like, you look at her and tell her and she crushed it, but in a way that's for her own benefit. And those driving. Yeah, we totally can really, you know, I can't believe our time is is like our time is almost up J I just now I looked at I was like, Oh my gosh, yeah, but we have to get in our sister questions, because these are the really juicy ones. And then and then I haven't slept. You should be scared. But no, no, you really don't have to because we're really sweet. JJ is at least and so and then we'll we'll have folks stick around after the confession. So JJ, what is your question for George? George, I want you because I love the relationship that you had with your mom. Tell me a funny just a funny thing that happened with your mom as as you guys went through the Parkinson's thing, because I know I have a lot of funny stories of balm. Tell me one funny that happened with you guys during this this time. It's so difficult. It's hard to know to one but there were times with the hallucinations. She actually had good memories like she saw it was she laughed. I was sad when she said it. But you laugh and say her mother's there and a father and my dog Teddy. And we would just laugh together but in a way it was not funny. That was one of the ones at least she smiled but one memory that really still thankful I have she one snow storm and I don't want to get too far along. But once no stormy day or week we were canceled school and I was a kid maybe 16. So I was bored out of my mind driving my mother crazy. And she said Why don't you take guitar lessons and I said what guitar with and so she had a cowboy guy come over and then a rock and roll different types. And thankfully, 20 years later, I'm playing guitar, Live from Music. But my mother as a child brought me we lived in New York brought me to Broadway. So I love Broadway. I've seen every show that we saw kept together. One of her favorite songs was memory, and had the honor and it's so hard to talk about it. And it was positive memory. But I we had music therapy from my mother and some days like everything else was too tough. But for some reason the week before she passed, and she wasn't speaking anymore, she wasn't able to she's still kind of there. And we won't get to the last seven days that the different podcasts. But the last before the last week, I was able to sit down with a music therapist and we videotaped us playing the song memory from my mother from cats and my mother wasn't able to talk much anymore. But at the end of it she says thank you. I love that. Those are the last words she ever said. And if you got it together for sure not to get a plug because I don't want anything but.com And you go to the bottom that helps set the fix the whole ending. You got to the bottom there's actually the video of us playing you don't see my mother I didn't want her in it because of her health but you you might not hear her but you see us playing the song and thankfully I don't think because I can't sing okay, that that is absolutely beautiful. Okay, so I've got one last question. One last time. I wanted more. We're gonna go address more. We got more. We got more. Wait, there's more windows more so hold on. But here's my last question for this episode. George, what is your favorite guilty pleasure? The one thing that you do just for you, besides your Corvette because my husband loves that. That's not even I don't even see that. I mean, I love to work out unfortunately I can't do that back but I mean, it's hard to say one I mean, if you give me sushi, I like oh, you can't stop me. I get to the point where I'm sick. They're all asking him like you go home. You need to go eat all the sushi. Stop eating. I love work. I don't it's very I do call for myself as a workaholic which deteriorates my own health, but that's my pleasure is kind of forget the world now it's riding with just I mean, I did my dissertation. 300 pages, I can give it to both of you. Oh, no, no, we're good. We'll take them. I swore I'd never go to school. Right again, here I am in school teaching and I'm also writing but that, you know, I have a passion for that. And I think we all have an incredible voice you to inspire me, your family inspires me. Everything you both do, it's gonna have a place to go for sharing for life, and I'm gonna share it around the world. I have one last thing, I always end everything if you don't mind. This is to you, your family and everyone listening. And it's meant to inspire you, but we love you. We support you. We care a lot about you and you're never alone. I will advocate along with JJ and Natalie and their family for you. And together, our voices are so much stronger. And I always say in a kind of a funny way. I'm just getting started because every day I wake up and see a new inspirational journey on my side or meet people like both of you and your family. kind of almost like one of the ad like just regenerates me and makes me want to keep fighting so I'm grateful for you to your family and everyone listening today. You're never alone. We love I love George George is our official brother. We only have I mean even the dogs were girls in our house. We'd love your official million dollars. Yeah. Guys, thank you so much for listening in and we're gonna tell you to stick around if you if you don't subscribe to after the after the confessions definitely do. It's all kinds of good stuff. So until the next time we can pass again. We'll see you then. Thanks, guys. Fine. Well, friends, that's a wrap for this week's after the confession. Thanks so much for subscribing. It's your support that makes this podcast possible. And don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our monthly newsletter. Sign up for the free sisterhood advantage discount club. And of course connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, tik, Tok, Twitter, and Pinterest. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube Channel. We'll see you next time when we confess again, till then take care of you