Hey guys, it's your favorite sisters with the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast and you're listening to after the confession. Now, let's listen in as it was just getting good it's your favorite sisters and it's time for after the confession. And now Paul's really going to tell it all
JJ:
he's gonna tell about these these pork, but
Natalie:
we were just talking about pork buns in Kingston mass, and I'm thinking those are healthy.
Unknown:
Grab some tonight now, what's on my mind? I'm like, I haven't had so long. I know. Right? You know?
JJ:
So Paul, when this is like inside information? When did you get married? Yeah, during all this process, like was when did you do that? So
Unknown:
I mean, you know, that was like, super crazy, too. So we got married in October, October of 2019, and my dad was just in. He was in nursing home. And a couple months before the wedding, my wife's father passed away unexpectedly. So it was like, Yeah, we it was like, so much going on. Like, I'm telling you, like, I tell people that in my 40s I feel like, I've experienced so much like, I feel like from like zero to like 37 life was like, oh, life was like, easy, and you know, everything's great. And then like, everything, just, everything just changed. You know, once I hit my 40s I was like, oh my god, like, it's so much stuff happening at once. It's crazy. I'm
Natalie:
not gonna lie to you. I'm ready. I'm not gonna lie to you. There's in your 40s Everything starts to hurt. I can't. Like I'm like, last night, I can't even hardly watch my Instagram dog. And. And I realized I look like my mom. I remember my mom and dad share and reading glasses. And I look at it now. And I'm like, Oh, look, I look just like me.
JJ:
So you just said, and I love the fact that you said, Just do it. Just just make that decision. So you guys just said, Look, we just there's no reason to wait. Let's just get let's get married.
Unknown:
Yeah, yeah. Is that pretty much? Yeah, pretty long. Yeah,
Natalie:
I like her already. What's your What's your wife's name?
Unknown:
My wife's name is Ana. Ana.
Natalie:
I like Ana. I feel like she's going to be a sister. I can feel it. Let me ask you this. So how long had so were you in on a dating before? Your dad got sick? So you had you guys been dating for a while?
Unknown:
Correct? Yeah. So we've been we were dating for a while. And my parents were good. When it was like right around. Yeah, just like right around the time. Like we got gauge, like things were going down. Like they were declining. And things were starting to happen. And then it's like after we got a gauge and it was just like going from like zero to 100 Pretty much like it was like, but I totally but you know, it was
JJ:
testing her too. Because my husband sometimes I'm like he is jumping ship. I mean, I'm sure he's out of here. Every time something happens with Mom, he just looks at me like, let's get in the car. I'm wondering if he's gonna drop me off.
Natalie:
But I like you at the mall. So did you guys talk about so here's this is we asked somebody this the other day? Did you guys talk about caring for each other's parents? Like what would caregiving? Did you all have these conversations before you guys got married to say? What happens if your mom has to move in with us? Or is that? Was that ever a conversation? Or was it just kind of looking off to the side? Yeah,
Unknown:
it was it? To be honest. It is yeah, was never really conversation, things would pop up and like we would talk about them and stuff. And she would give me like, you know, I would ask her for advice and stuff like that. But yeah, we, you know, at one point, we kind of kicked around the idea of maybe of like, buying like a condo for my mom, like in our building and stuff, but we're just kind of like, like, we're having her move in. But we're just kind of like, with all the characters needs. like it'd be tough to like, pull that off. You know, so yeah. Yeah, but no, we're not. We didn't have like real deep conversations like now my wife's like, so her mom's older. Her mom lives in Peru by herself now, so and so like, you know, like we're stopping out there in a couple of months is to like kind of check on her and stuff. Like we found out last night just like pneumonia. She's just doing better now. But like, yeah, so we're like, you know, now it's kind of like get to the point where we need to, I think stuff out to prove more just kind of keep an eye on mom. She has two sisters, but they both One of them's living in London now. And the other ones live in in the US. So
Natalie:
Wow. These ladies are somebody I feel like sisters with us and there's three of them too,
Unknown:
right? Oh, yeah, yep.
JJ:
Where's Ana? Where is she in the middle? The oldest? So
Unknown:
she's the middle.
Natalie:
Oh, no, like you already
JJ:
saw me. I had another question. Do you think? Do you think if you had not been self employed, that you would have been able to pull this off? If you?
Unknown:
Like, yeah, there's no way like, I'll be able to do that. And to be honest, I don't know how people are employed full time, like, can do it, you know, especially to like, yeah, it's just like, the distraction just kind of hanging over your head and stuff. Like, it's funny. I mean, I will just kind of get tunnel vision, especially to like when you work for yourself, like the pressure is already on. And it's like, I don't know, I would just get like, tunnel vision. And like, all the thoughts, like, distracting thoughts I'd have. And it was almost like, I'll just put them into a box and just move them aside. And I'll just, like, do what I had to do. But yeah, I mean, I don't know how people do it. Like, if you're going into work, and you know, you have meetings and you get a text or phone call saying, Oh, something happened, you know, to a loved one, like, oh, it's tough, really is.
JJ:
I don't know, either. I know, at the time that we were mom had her 2019 When we really had our turning moment with her. I was the one that was self employed. And I know Natalie and Emily, it was it was just assumed I was the only one that could really jump in and be the full time because I had that way. Because there was no they couldn't, there was no way like exactly what you said
Natalie:
they would have been right. And JJ was always in charge. I feel like Paul, you need to know that. JJ is she's in charge. She's in charge of me. Now. She calls me down. And I don't take offense to it. People would probably listen to us and thank God Jay. So mean to Natalie.
JJ:
Do you want me to do the tone for Paul? Paul, I'm gonna tell you what sets now. I'll tell the audience that to nollie
Natalie:
me up when she says my name like that, like a four letter word,
JJ:
Natalie. She'll call me.
Natalie:
I mean, talk to me like that. That is exactly what it's really bad. Do you know, do you and your sister do you all have what's your all's relationship? Like? Because I'm dying to know, I feel like it's good. Because you all have like a Brady Bunch family?
Unknown:
Yeah, yeah, no, no, it was good. You know, it was, you know, the good thing is to like now like, her poor boys are older and stuff now. And we're kind of going through some caregiving issues like with my aunt, which we'll talk about later, but she's helping out like, she's helping out with a lot with that, because my aunt lives in Boston, which is like, it's far from me, it's even farther from my sister. And she's kind of like the one that's like, going out and seeing her more and stuff like that, you know? So which is makes my life a million times easier, just having her jump in, you know, take care of her.
Natalie:
That's like seasons of caregiving. I look at it like seasons. Like, I think we have seasons of care. And, and I think that we, the sisters and I, we take turns in the sense of like, I've got this or I can't do this, or Emily will jump in. And we have a text group, which should be a book, honestly, which is mostly just memes. Because we'd love to send memes to each other like to kind of reflect what we're thinking. And, but I think that's there's, we're, I think we're fortunate. Well, I think you were probably say the same you and your relationship. Yeah, well, tag team, you, you care. And you're committed to making this work. Was there guilt? or anything? Like, what were kind of the emotions and things because this is this guy to talk to? Because most guys are like, push that down.
Unknown:
Right? Right. Um, if anything, maybe like, you know, I'll get fired up once, like, every once in a while and stuff just like, ah, like, I gotta deal with this again, or, you know, or, you know, asked my sister, hey, can you help me out with this, but she's also booked to have like, Ah, so like, almost some things around just to, you know, to make this happen, you know, I mean, which is kind of like the typical stuff, you know, but nothing ever. Nothing really too crazy.
JJ:
postings like, you're really just like, he's like, Hey, I love that pa I wish I had that attitude. Because see, I get fired up well, and then I'm become a snob. Say, because I no matter what I just, and that's my fury is that I cry. It's the worst habit.
Natalie:
Women do it the most. And we hate it because we don't want to cry. But we get so mad that these tears come out.
JJ:
I mean, I get so mad. But I wish I'm like Paul's like, take it in stride. And I feel like that's kind of what you do. I see that a lot with you're like, just hanging
Unknown:
right. Yeah, totally Aleksei too, so I really kind of just jumped at this opportunity. So when I was in college, my dad hurt his back bad. And he was out of work for a while. And he was like, really like I think he was out of work for like eight months or something like that, like years back that he'd go The PT do all that stuff. He was like in the bed bound for a while. And I was in college. And my mom never told me how bad things were. She was like, Oh, she's like, I didn't, I didn't want you like to get distracted and wonder just to focus on school and stuff. And I always kind of felt bad because like, Oh, so close, like, you know, I'm opposed to both my parents, but like, you know, my dad was just like, he was the best. And I always kind of felt that that was never there. And I just told myself, like the back of my mind that like off have an opportunity like to, you know, step up and help them out that I you know, that I would. So I kind of felt like this was like, kind of like, like everything for my dad. That was payback for when it wasn't there. You know, in college.
JJ:
I don't feel like you probably owed anything, Paul. I love your family. I know. I can't wait to talk about your mom tomorrow. Oh. To hear that. And so I'm excited. But I love just Yeah, it's
Unknown:
it's funny. It's like so my dad's like me, he's laid back. Now my mom. Yeah, she's fired up. But she's, you know, not afraid to tell people where to go and yep, yep. So, um, have red hair. No, she didn't
Natalie:
kill him Ira ties, man. Dang it.
JJ:
Um, like if she was a redhead. You're totally in trouble.
Natalie:
Well, I'm gonna tell you. Okay, so we'll wrap her up here. Paul, thank you so much. This has been so much fun. And, guys, thanks for listening to after the confession. We will see you next time. Awesome.
Unknown:
Thanks so much.
Natalie:
Well, friends, that's a wrap for this week's after the confession. Thanks so much for subscribing. It's your support that makes this podcast possible. And don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our monthly newsletter. Sign up for the free sisterhood advantage discount club. And of course, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, tik, Tok, Twitter, and Pinterest. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube Channel. We'll see you next time when we confess again, till then take care of you