Thank you for your support! Here's the link to watch the behind-the-scenes bonus episode on YouTube! https://youtu.be/RRjvSfV6LrU
💙 JJ and Natalie
Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver
Sisterhood of Care, LLC
Thank you for your support! Here's the link to watch the behind-the-scenes bonus episode on YouTube! https://youtu.be/RRjvSfV6LrU
💙 JJ and Natalie
Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver
Sisterhood of Care, LLC
Hey guys, it's your favorite sisters with the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast and you're listening to after the confession. Now let's listen in as it was just getting good feedback
JJ:and,
Natalie:and Carlos just disclosed his dad as a girlfriend. This is Confessions of a reluctant caregiver question so gotta because
JJ:I do yeah, I want to say your dad, he he's still very active like you make sure like I was reading you guys like bike. And these are ways
Natalie:that God was in their best life. They're more active than at Jason an hour.
JJ:He's an artist like you. There's some phenomenal things that he's doing. But you just said he has a girlfriend and you're happy goes over there because you get a nap. Tell us about this interaction.
Natalie:Get a girlfriend because I knew I was like, No, I'm never after our dad passed 12 years ago. I mean, she has a friend. We don't call the boyfriend. But your dad's got a girlfriend that absolutely love that. So spill the spill the dates.
Unknown:All right. So after my mom passed away, you know, Dad was lonely. He was going through some ups and downs, ended up getting a girlfriend. And there was a challenge with that. She ends up getting cancer and passing away. That's hard. Yeah, it was a double whammy for my dad. And he finally found somebody that was kind of uplifting his spirits. And they laugh a lot. And they were sharing some really intimate moments. And that was good for my dad. Then after that he connected with his current girlfriend. And they did some cool things. They went to Hawaii, they went to France, right. And, you know, they were doing all kinds of things. They were active. There was trips to San Francisco, Lake Tahoe, you know, weekend stuff. Yeah,
Natalie:he was good. You embrace her into the care team, because I'm sitting there thinking you moved in with your dad. And I think to listeners, it'd be like your dad's got dementia. And he's, you know, incapacitated, kind of like he's just bumping into walls kind of not need your support. 24/7. And that's what it sounds, you know what I mean? And now you're saying he's going to Hawaii and Paris, he's got a girlfriend. I'm like, life with is what I'm going to say life with. You don't have to stop living when you get this diagnosis.
Unknown:Well, let's put it into into like a timeline. Okay. 2015 is when we kind of figured out that something was going on. But in 2000 I think 1314 They were doing all these fun things. Okay, yeah. But once we got that phone call from the dentist, his girlfriend called, like, maybe like a month later and says, Hey, I need to talk to you. There's something wrong with your dad. He just showed up here at my house. And our date is not until Saturday. And it's a Tuesday. And he was all dressed up. Ready to take me out to dinner. Oh, so we started comparing notes. They were on a train platform in Paris. That went to the restroom. Dad came out. She saw him waved at him. He turned around and went left instead of going right. So she had all the luggage. She had to pick up the luggage chase after him. Do the 300 yards or whatever to go track them down so they can be on time for their next transfer to the auto train to get to their destination. And then she started figuring out that there were certain things that just seemed a little off. I told her about the dentist. I told her that he's going to the doctor soon. My brother's flying in. She's like Okay, good. So fast forward. I embraced her as part of the care team fairly quick because I She saw a lot of the beginning stages of my dad and mild cognitive impairment. And she was very supportive, I could communicate with her. I started accepting her as being a part of the relationship. Now understanding that that I needed a little bit of foresight. And someone that really understood elders. They were roughly about the same age. And there's times where I'd say, Hey, Dad wants to come over, or bring them over, I'll spend the night pick them up in the morning time, so I could get a nap. Or I get out, go do something, he'll go to the movies with a friend or go to my friend's house and nap their house.
Natalie:Nice. Just because I fell asleep watching TV means nothing. Yeah,
Unknown:sorry. Sorry. There's times where I've just go over there. And I just be like, so tired. You know, we just talk about life and I just needed to relax and connect and pass on Elena couch. But, you know, Kathleen was such an instrumental piece of the puzzle. She would, you know, at the time, Dad was struggling with driving. So she would drive him here and they're still trying to preserve his dignity to uphold those daily daily activities, quality of life factors. And having them connect, you know, seeing him be that charmer in swooning his, his girlfriend.
Natalie:I'm not gonna lie to you. I think your dad would be my boyfriend. I love older, older. I mean, older. I grew up with my grandparents and the hardware and I always loved the old men and they used to, because they would, they would tease me, but I love and so I'm going to tell you, one of my my, one of my real good friends, her dad's in his late 80s. And, and he's my boyfriend. And I tell Jason that all the time. I'm like, he's my boyfriend. Your dad is Rico, Suave to me. I have seen the photos on social media. And now I'm getting to hear you know, you makes me like your dad even more.
Unknown:Oh, yeah. I need to say he was here right now. He would probably ask you if you're married. Or if you have a boyfriend
Natalie:would say, and I would say no. I want
Unknown:you would be like, um he's, I love that. He's a charmer. Oh, I I'm currently taking notes. Every time I take him out. And he gets a phone number here and there. I'm like, that's all you had to say. Hey, you have a nice skirt. Here's your phone. That's it.
JJ:You're like me, I'm like, you know, mom's she has Parkinson's. I'm sorry that she stole your silverware. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for her to you know, you could just say sorry about
Natalie:my gas. Sorry. Sorry about that. Yeah. You know, people give a lot more forgiveness to older people who are so more direct. That's why you know, you get this you can be direct when you're little Right. Like little kids say the darndest things. And you're like and you're not you're like whatever it's like having a potbelly. Like little kids have these bellies is the only time you can be fat. And, and it'd be socially acceptable. And you're like, Oh, look at your cute belly. And when you're an adult, they're not like look at your cute belly, my belly. Want to see my back? No, and this goes back to like, you know, Jason Kelce his belly rolled the after party at the Super Bowl. Like, I love you, Jason counselee. But yeah, he's all like, I can't help it to his wives in the belly took over. But I'm gonna tell you then you get older. And then it's like, it's a free for all. I mean, for and I love that. I'm like, I'm just waiting. Like, tell me what age it is. I can start being more ridiculous than I currently am. Like, and I think that's already kicked in. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I you know, I wanted to ask you a question, Carlos. We asked you beforehand, like come with tips. It's time to get tipsy. Okay, let's get a little tipsy for a second.
JJ:What's your coffee
Natalie:out what I'm gonna, these are things I think are important to know you had some really good tips and we didn't get that in the main part. So I want to make sure it gets we get it down for the record. So what would be your Caregiver Tip? Like if you had a tip for somebody? What would you say hey, the These are the things that your top three things are top two things that you will be like, you need to know this nine years on enrolling. Let's keep going.
Unknown:Okay, so number one is building a team, building a team. If you're going to champion your caregiver role, you're going to have to build a team. champions can can do by Shopkins cannot achieve greatness without a team. Hmm, you know, a fear a Super Bowl team, or even the second runner up, that team had to get in condition, get into a space where they were all collectively together. Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it does. Sometimes there's people that don't have a team, or don't know how to start a team. It's it's you have to be coachable. In a way to kind of understand how to navigate, like, financial systems, health care systems. You're finding a mentor, somebody that kind of has been through been through it all. I like them. I tried doing it alone. And I face planted many times. And it's hard, but it takes those failures to get to a position where you can have some foundation instability.
Natalie:You said, and I'm looking at a quote, you are going to fail at everything and still uphold quality of life factors and instruments of dignity. It's okay. Tomorrow is another day of practice. Have you kind of embraced the failure because I still struggle embracing that there are going to be days that I'm like, did not nail it today.
Unknown:Yeah, I failed last night with my dad. By walked out of the room, washed up my face. took a deep breath, had a talk with my ego. adjusted my bad attitude. walked back in with a smile and said Hey, Dad, can we do this? He was like, okay, yeah, sure. And I was able to accomplish something that was very difficult. And I say ego a lot. Because my ego really creeps up and gets in the way. I think a lot of people say Oh, I can handle this is no problem. It's just my dad. Yeah, that's just my dad. But dementia, Alzheimer's they have other means to attack you. They leverage and utilize significant moments in your life and in a timeline of life to attack your integrity and it really toys with your mental health. So I you know, there's a there's a saying says, Oh, it's just the it's just a disease. So yeah, it's the disease, but, you know, like anything, you can kind of commute with the disease. Have a conversation with it. But it also takes your attitude to adjust to that disease. Yeah, this is this is not just a person centric disease. It's family centric, Alzheimer's, or even like a cancer. It just doesn't affect one person. It's affecting multiple people. You can affect children, grandchildren, the next door neighbor in California You're right now what? I think it's the third, causing a lead third leading cause of death. That means that a lot of people are unaware of it and are about to get a big shock and surprise that they're going to know somebody that has it. And they don't know how to deal with it. And that takes a takes an adjustment period that takes an adjustment period for you and the people around you and ego has been my culprit
Natalie:So, I'm gonna ask you a question, then we're gonna
Unknown:you ask a lot of questions.
JJ:Now, let's look at our theory. One more I am curious one more I
Natalie:am curious and then we'll wrap up let you go. But now I forgot my question. Oh, I know what it was. What would you tell your younger self what advice would you give your younger self right now like based on what you know and all the years you've gone through? What would you tell your younger self
Unknown:Life's too short. Live in the moment hold on to people you love say I love you often. Love yourself. Practice self care, self love, self preservation and with that comes with moments of gratitude learning the skill of positive reappraisal. Taking those devastating moments and finding the positive saving moments of joy appreciating appreciating the road appreciating the journey. The ups and downs, the complexities and the simplicities. Having some self compassion, and I have to practice that daily. Sometimes, I'll go weeks without practice. And then I'll have to have a talk with my ego. Again
Natalie:you schedule a meeting with your ego.
Unknown:My ego booked
Natalie:everything because I love you so much. I wish you lived on the East Coast. Beyond the valley,
JJ:we wouldn't have to call so early.
Natalie:You know, early, but you know you've been such a blessing to us. We are so lucky to get to have this podcast and and you know, we I just think about all the people that we I would have never met so I look for the silver lining every day. And of all the hard and the crappy and I'm like god I'm so lucky I got to meet you. That's
Unknown:how I feel about Alzheimer's right now. I would not be in this position talking to you right now. If it wasn't for that and that I have to embellish and the gratitude it's abundant. The connections I've meeting of people sharing my story, sharing the heartaches sadnesses and these joys, nuances of happiness and the love language that is developing. Understanding that I'm learning more about my dad in the last five, six years than the first 50 My dad's teaching me still how to care for him. How to be resilient. How to have tenacity. determination to see him through to the other side. And I take his wishes his end of life wishes to heart as difficult they can be. I try to honor him and give him a hero's welcome home.
Natalie:I'm gonna leave us right there. We love you, Carlos. You are absolutely now because we have a we have lots of sisters. But we have lots of brothers and the sisters don't logically have brothers so look at you in your Irish. Oh I'm gonna Oh, love Yeah.
JJ:Oh, she's saying it again. Carlos. Thank you so much.
Natalie:Thank you for being with us. We appreciate you guys. Thanks for listening in after the confession on confessions ever elected caregiver. Thanks. Well, friends, that's a wrap for this week's after the confession. Thanks so much for subscribing. It's your support that makes this podcast possible. And don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our monthly newsletter. Sign up for the free sisterhood advantage discount club and of course connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, tik, Tok, Twitter, and Pinterest. You'll also find the video recording of all our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube Channel. We'll see you next time when we confess again, till then take care of you